Why do I keep having these thoughts?

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chris1989
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13 Dec 2023, 2:17 pm

I seem to think I find it hard to understand myself sometimes, I keep having these nagging comparison thoughts in my head about relationships, marriage, having kids etc when I'm not even in a relationship and feeling as though time is ''running out''. I seem to feel as though always seem to want to adhere to the expectations and norms of which western society expects for people of certain ages to be doing.

Its like when I was telling my therapist earlier about when I was 18 and thinking ahead I probably thought by my 30s, I'd be a married man with kids and so on, and here I am now, still unmarried and no kids, even though a part of me doesn't want them but a part of me feels I ''should'' in order to ''fit in'' with society but at the same time another part of me is telling me not to rush things as it will just end in dissatisfaction, frustration and unhappiness. My therapist tells me I'm rather conflicted with these thoughts and its like I've got multiple voices in my head telling me to do this, to do that etc. I'm worried this will never stop and it will just continue until I achieve the things that society expects.

A number of times I've told myself to be Me and focus of what I want to do and what makes me happy and stop fixating on what everyone else is doing in their lives when what they are doing doesn't interest me but the missing out and comparison thoughts still keep coming back.



Raleigh
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13 Dec 2023, 2:35 pm

I would have thought your therapist would be helping you with this.
Are they offering any suggestions how to deal with obsessive thoughts or are they one of those therapists who just point out the obvious?
Have you considered medication?


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chris1989
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14 Dec 2023, 4:24 pm

Raleigh wrote:
I would have thought your therapist would be helping you with this.
Are they offering any suggestions how to deal with obsessive thoughts or are they one of those therapists who just point out the obvious?
Have you considered medication?


I already take medication which is citalopram 10mg. I don't want any other medications or higher doses.



ProfessorJohn
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14 Dec 2023, 9:21 pm

Unfortunately social comparison is hard wired in our brains. A relic of our hunter gather days when we lived and couldn't afford to be excluded from the band because it would a death sentence for us.

Some people seem to be able to avoid these thoughts but most can't.