Feeling like the 30s are "boring" than the 20s

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chris1989
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09 Aug 2024, 4:46 pm

It just feels as though the 30s are not an exciting decade than the 20s. It feels as though everyone I've seen who I know are 30, 31, 32, 33, 34 etc from social media or in real life, are now married or in a long term relationship, have kids, and so on. I seem to think 5 years ago in their late 20s were still single like me and now they are doing the things I've just mentioned just because they are now 30 and over.

I even seem to feel bad that I wasn't friends with some of the people who are now mums or dads because I look at some of their past photos and look at the social life they had or still have and think why wasn't I friends with them ? Why didn't they befriend me ? It makes me feel as though I've missed out on doing some of the things they did like going out for the day e.g. to London or whatever in their 20s.

I only started gaining more confidence socially and saying yes to doing things which in the past I was hesitant to do in my late 20s. I still feel as free and single as I was 5 or 6 years ago even though everyone else my age now 30-34 seems to be settling down. I as though I am mentally 5 years behind other people. I even seem to think my sister who is a bit younger than me with a four year old is mentally 5 years older than me.



funeralxempire
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09 Aug 2024, 7:44 pm

They're only boring if you let them be boring.


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Latimeria
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10 Aug 2024, 1:13 pm

chris1989 wrote:
It just feels as though the 30s are not an exciting decade than the 20s. It feels as though everyone I've seen who I know are 30, 31, 32, 33, 34 etc from social media or in real life, are now married or in a long term relationship, have kids, and so on. I seem to think 5 years ago in their late 20s were still single like me and now they are doing the things I've just mentioned just because they are now 30 and over.

I even seem to feel bad that I wasn't friends with some of the people who are now mums or dads because I look at some of their past photos and look at the social life they had or still have and think why wasn't I friends with them ? Why didn't they befriend me ? It makes me feel as though I've missed out on doing some of the things they did like going out for the day e.g. to London or whatever in their 20s.

I only started gaining more confidence socially and saying yes to doing things which in the past I was hesitant to do in my late 20s. I still feel as free and single as I was 5 or 6 years ago even though everyone else my age now 30-34 seems to be settling down. I as though I am mentally 5 years behind other people. I even seem to think my sister who is a bit younger than me with a four year old is mentally 5 years older than me.


I understand the impulse to make these kind of comparisons and it is definitely strange to see people ten years younger than me who are married with kids. However, this is not really a mark of maturity, life experience, or anything like that. Many people do this before they are ready due to feeling like it's expected or they'll lose their chance if they get too old, leading to them marrying someone who is a bad fit or rushing into parenthood despite not being ready to be a responsible parent.

There are also lots of life paths that do not involve the married with kids route, some of which may be more selfish, but others could involve pursuits related social service, art, or spirituality. It would be hard to argue that someone who volunteers three times a week tutoring kids is someone who doesn't like children or is selfish, but that's also something most parents won't be doing since they have too many responsibilities already.

This is a long way of saying that it's okay to take your time and figure out what you want out of life. There is not actually a linear life path to follow, so you are not ahead of or behind anyone.

Edit: I will also say that there is a period where kids must come first for people with kids and this lasts at least 18 years. You will see people 40-60 traveling internationally, hiking the Appalachian trail, etc, simply because they now have that level of freedom again. Other people may engage in 'boring' activities instead and that is okay so long as those activities are meaningful to them. Novelty is only worth so much.