Frustrating Problem

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I made another thread on how people regurgitating facts that I know nothing about tends to irritate me...mainly because this 1)Makes me feel intellectually inferior and rather stupid 2) I cannot engage in anything connected.

But the real issue is... I dont seem able to currently focus on anything long enough or deeply enough to take anything in.
My mind is seemingly a constant fog, I have no memory retention and I find the words I try to read just floating past insignificantly.

Granted, my obsessions have never really revolved around academia... it has always been a specific film, a specific actor, a specific novel, the Romanovs/Anastasia, Harry Potter, Astrology, Metaphysical, antiques...but I am finding myself more and more frustrated and bitter that no matter how hard I try, I currently cannot seem to get myself into a book, let alone keep anything I read in...

and also angry that I cannot seem to get myself obsessed enough in the sciences to learn all the stuff some others seem to be able to memorise so well...

I don't know a solution, I just want my brain back.

I am wondering if it is my hypothyroidism or ADD causing these issues, or a combination of both, but I am sure I never used to be this bad.

One of the traits of AS is for us to be somewhat pedantic so I'm not surprised that some of us feel the way you do sometimes, myself included.

I have a real problem when reading some boring academic text that I just zone out and 5 pages later I realize that I didn't absorb a single word of it and I have to go back 5 pages and try to focus again. (I admit, sometimes I don't even bother to go back for those 5 pages and I BS in class the next day)

It could be hypothyroidism, or ADD, but I'll throw another one out there. Is it possible that you are depressed? I have been for a while and ever since it started my brain has been shot to hell.

You doing any meds? I've certainly been on some where the med was worse then the thing that was supposed to be addressed. I don't recall the Wife mentioning much about her thyroid med.

But I go through periods on mind numbing or mind fog, just seems to come out of it's own. To find someone to be able to relate to in all things, is darn near impossible. When it does happen and usually by accident it's nice. But I can't say over the course of my life that it has happened often. Probably the most I ever clicked with a group in the outside world was when common obsessions converged. I didn't set out to study all involved with doing Archaeology, it just sort of happened and when I went pro, I found a family. Most just as crazy as I am and our habits were remarkably similar. As I look back on those days, I can pick out more then a couple that well might be on the spectrum. I didn't find that little niche till later in life.

I haven't read anything long in book form for many years. I keep hoping I'll snap out of it or a med will allow it to flow again. If it doesn't, I'll write my own. But I won't read it.

But yeah I know that feeling of wanting my brain back all to well. I got the, you're old, you used to drink, you used drugs and so on. Then we hit a med. Guess what it's back, I can remember things again. It's not perfect, but I don't think it was before either. But ask me to identify projectile points and tools in the North East without a book and I couldn't any more, let alone recite the dates and sites were they were found. Nor do I have the urge to.

You mentioned some things I know very little about. I'm envious.

Id say it might have something to do with depression, as it reminds me of what Im experiencing as well.

Well, I was diagosed with clinical depression at the age of 13 and was on medication for it on and off for some years but I tired of it as some of the medication had such a negative effect as I believe I might possibly be bi-polar.

I suppose because I have felt this way so long, I didn't consider depression as I have forgotten what it is like to feel any other way? In Summer, I note I am a great deal more clear headed and energetic. I am always tired and drained, life feels somewhat empty, I go out and buy masses of books, all of which interest me greatly, but I read a few pages and then end up giving up on it and coming on here...which to me, is a waste of my life... I feel I should be learning, exporing myself, living life...not spending all my time sat here on wp or wandering aimlessly around the streets here.

How would I know if it is depression? I cannot tell anymore lol and that is the honest truth.

I just know I used to have a damn good rote memory and a lot more get up and go. Instead, all the ideas just float about my head now and do not come to fruition.

I am currently trying to engage in some books on whether there is life after life...written by psychologists and exploring all sides of the equation, not just the metaphysics, but the possible science and why science refused to acknowledge all the evidence going back 100 years or so... I am hoping my interest in that might somehow produce a miracle.

I was thinking that too. When I'm depressed a thick fog descends and I can just about manage to cook dinner, but that takes 100% of my brain power. Learning something new, or even reading a page in a book and taking in it would be almost impossible.



Actually, that's one thing that I like about Aspies, the way we get so thoroughly involved in things, be it science, art, whatever. I think it's an endearing quality. Not that I understand the science-type stuff, because it's not my thing. So I just sort of skim over it. I wouldn't try to get in there at all. But I can be a Jung bore at times. It's more with a sense of enthusiasm though, because I'm so into something, I get quite carried away and want to share it with everyone! (Even if they're completely bored, lol)



If it's just not your thing, and doesn't hold your interest, then it's pointless trying to force it. I think happiness lies in the things that you personally find interesting. Pre-Raphaelite art perhaps. A fascinating subject!

This probably is not a good idea. Be very careful and it wouldn't hurt to bring it up first with the doc. I'm with you on that statement. After so many years of meds, I didn't, couldn't remember what I was before them. Just what the hell I was trying to fix. I know it sounds far out, but that mind fog we were talking about? You have to live to understand it really well. I took myself off the meds, just to get my bearings. They haven't let me forget it. But it doesn't matter to me, I do what I do for me, not them. Also remember with me, I think BP is but a part of it, but only part and they're still in denial over it. But not all of them. I'll give this doc a little while longer before VA burn out hits him. I'll deal with the next, when and if they get one. I run it, they don't, they suggest and I listen.

I haven't been on meds in at least 8 years now.
It is just lately, the last few years maybe, that I have been in this sort of state but the last weeks it has deteriorated badly... before, at least I had some joie de vivre and could sit and read for a certain period of time.

Going to see doctor, but what if he suggests meds? I mean, if it is chemical, what can I do about it beyond medication?

How do you get on with your doctor? Do you trust him/her? If my doctor suggested meds I'd take them (well, he did, and I do ) because I kind of knew I needed antidepressants anyway. I actually think they saved my life at one point, years ago. There are lots of ways to help depression naturally, exercise, relaxation etc. and there have been threads about them here, but I wouldn't use them as the only way to help with anything other than very mild, short term depression. I'd take the meds. That's just my personal view. I'm not a 'pill for all ill' sort, but the sooner depression is treated, the better, I think.

Graelwyn
Trust in a doctor is key. If you aren't comfortable talking about anything, you have the wrong one. I found out by accident I can open up to a woman easier then a man. It takes me longer. I know the depression beast like the back of my hand and it sure sounds like it to me. A lot of fixes for minor depression are pretty simple, but find out if it's minor. It's not like you'll loose anything with a look see, you've already lost something you would like back. It's really hard to say what it really might be, but a look with a pro isn't really a bad thing. You can't know what to do about it till you put the correct label to it. Then you can cross the bridges for a possible fix.

Yeah. My doctor is okay, though I got the impression(might be misinterpretation on my part) that he finds it uncomfortable with me, lol. I shall, nevertheless, try and get an appointment tomorrow, as I need to arrange assessment for AS anyway, among other issues I am having. It would seem a life entirely without any medication just isn't working for me. I had hoped I was mentally strong enough to be able to 'think' my way out of my issues, but it isn't working

Im the exact same way, Ive never had an anti-depressant that actually worked with me, and thinking your way through certain problems does nothing, and ends up being a waste of energy and time. Personally I believe it has to do with your environment, and what/who you have. Whenever Im in a bad place, usually I will have a very bad time. If Im alone with nothing and no one then depression sets in there as well. If there is someone you can be with who means the world to you, then company/good times with that person is by infinitely better than any medication known to man.

I have yet to find someone whom I can co-exist with and be happy at the same time, lol. AS is a double edged sword, isn't it? On the one hand, some of us wish to have a special person for closeness and understanding, but on the other, we tend to need a lot of time alone. This is what I have found, anyways. I think depression can be from a poor environment, but it can also be a chemical imbalance in the brain and it can also stem from childhood crap.