Getting Treated Like I'm Not a Person

Post Reply New Topic

I've been getting the feeling that almost everywhere I go I feel like I get discriminated against. If I'm at the grocery store getting checked out it seems like the people that are in front of me get treated with a lot more respect. Recently, a cashier even refused to give me the receipt and handed it to the person that was bagging instead. It also seems like a lot of people intentionally cut me off if I'm talking or if someone else is talking to me they might cut in and say something like the other person wasn't even talking to me in the first place.
They also do things like slam or drop something at a table I'm sitting at.

It's so frustrating because far as I know, I didn't do anything that would have offended them or anything. I'm respectful to others and I don't think I give off any kind of hostile vibe or anything. It just makes no sense to me that people would be so disrespectful and hostile towards someone who never did anything to them. It seems like they are just discriminating against me and it's frustrating. I usually try not to let these things bother me too much and I know some people care. I've just been feeling really down about it these past few days.

Right now, it even seems like people that are close to me don't seem to value me as a person anymore. I just feel so lost.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

Regretfully I didn't see this post until now. Yes it can be extremely frustrating though it helps to keep in mind that most of the people doing these things are zoned out in their own heads and may not even realize what they're doing, or to put it another way being at the grocery store is probably the lowest thing on their agenda (even if they happen to work there!) and their focus is on the dry cleaning or their next cell phone conversation. In many heavily populated locales everyone's more accustomed to it and it doesn't register as highly on their radar for hurt feelings (or may let it go to save face). It just doesn't seem to be as big a deal to most people. But know this: more often than not it's nothing you said, did or are personally. Never compare another person's outsides to your insides

I've kind of learned (with a lot of effort) that it's a waste of time for me to assume inferiority or superiority over anyone I don't know. I have never understood that sense of narcissism where people need to feel like they're better or worse than someone.. I never will.

I have found, though, a lot of grocery store cashiers aren't always the most cheerful, especially at the salt lake wal mart. The last one I visited didn't even want to make eye contact or smile, and, while I'm not a hypocrite because those are two things I don't do myself, I'd like to think it's entirely different if you're a grocery store clerk. As if I'm just another as*hole customer there to make her day longer. That probably explains the negativity.

As far as people close to you, though, that's frustrating. My own experience is I moved 1,000 miles away last year and my dad has called me.. maybe twice. I find the most I can do is remind them I still value them and care about them, should I call my dad we can talk for 2 hours about just about anything. Some people are just waiting for me to make the move, I guess, they do in fact care, they're just not much for showing it constantly. It's hard to remind myself, but I know if I ever needed anything seriously they'd be there for me, as would I for them.

Thanks for your replies.

Sorry if I didn't get into more details when I wrote that because it was really late and I wasn't thinking clearly.

The grocery store I went to was kind of small and I went there a lot so many of the people there recognized me. Then when the cashier handed the receipt to the person that was bagging she asked why he was giving it to her and then she apologized about him to me. I haven't gone to that grocery store ever since because some of the other cashiers at that store seemed disrespectful towards me too. The people that did those other things are coworkers so it felt a little more personal, but I guess it's possible that it's not.

I'm feeling much better now though. There was a misunderstanding between a friend and it caused me to get upset about all those other things too.

No shame in over-thinking it, you can learn something from it either way.

I do know that cashiers are busy non-stop for hours on end at some point.. I was one for 2 years in my teens. I lose focus pretty easily and I'm sure a lot of people thought I had ill intentions. It's a busy job and it's stressful to both socialize constantly and try to maintain a short line.

Don't feel like you need to apologize for posting anything in the haven.. even if you have more personal things going on, I'd like to think the majority of the posters here are understanding and willing to help.

Try this small experiment: instead of going to the check out with a fixed expectation of what should happen, mindfully go there the thought: "whatever happens is ok, I'll just witness and accept it, and see if it is different next time". Do it for a week and see if that makes any difference.

Yes I feel this way everyday. It helps me to realise these things.

- most people are operating off knee-jerk emotions the vast majority of the time. Their day looks like this internally....i like that/happy emotion...i dont like that/hostile emotion. And it flips and switches all day. These people spend their lives blaming everything they dont like for how they feel and projecting that outwards. If they dont like you its all your fault and your job to fix it. Yes it really is that illogical.
- society is full of double standards and usually one that makes no sense to us. It all boils down to this.....its your job to make me feel happy and if you dont I will hate you and exclude you from my group. Yeah well thats fair now isnt it? Now if you make the faux par of actually poining out the double standard by heaven forbid speaking up about your own feelings then everyone that witnesses that will label you selfish.

If you can keep these things in mind it helps you to realise just what a stupid system human society is. It may not change what happens but it can help you to not take it so personally nr care so deeply about it. Without fail everytime I witness someone judging another they usually do the exact same thing to someone else soon after.

I wonder how much of what you are noticing is specifically directed at you, and how much is just the employees at these places making mistakes that they would make in front of anyone. Like the waiters slamming/dropping stuff at restaurants, I doubt that they do that because of how they think of you. I mean, it doesn't make sense, because if they drop food and it spills on the floor, the restaurant is responsible for bringing you a new serving, hence they lose money.

But the ignoring could be intentional, if you come across as someone mentally "slow". I'm not saying you ARE mentally impaired of course, but if your lack of social engagement implies that you could be, certain people will treat you like you are. Those are not particularly considerate people, but they do exist, and the best thing to do when you get this sort of treatment is to point it out in the nicest way possible (in case it was unintentional), then walk away if it keeps happening. It rarely happens to me because of my level of general communication skills, but I know there are those on the spectrum for whom this probably does happen (which doesn't make it OK of course).

Geez i'm the same way as of now. I'm paranoid of anywhere i go due to past experiences like someone rudely cut off my conversation with someone, give me bad vibe, or ignore me (idgaf anymore). So i thought it was really my fault for not being as good of a person as possible, but it was the same person that treated me harshly.

You're not the only one with this issue.

Another person threw something on a table I was working at even though I never did anything to them in the first place. I really don't get social hierarchies because if I was around someone who was more vulnerable than me I sure wouldn't want to take advantage of them like that.

I really hate double standards and these pointless social games.

I just had to vent.

The bagger apologized to you about the cashier? It is odd that he wouldn't hand you the receipt. I hope you got your change!

How you dress, hygiene, attitude, posture, etc. could determine how people treat you.

I would think it's either a gesture to pick on you/try to make you look inferior to them to impress others or to get your attention because they like you.. but even I hate having to overthink a situation like this. I guess that's why we're all here, we don't understand these ridiculous social games people play.

I have always felt this way too. Being disrespected, and mistreated because you are different.

Don't mind random strangers like those cashier people because they might be sleepy or having a bad day or something. I rarely look at their faces and if they were nice I have to smile to not be mean which is hard to do so I actually like it when they're grumpy or something lol.