Help, my family is about to kill my soul

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Ladysmokeater
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28 Jul 2008, 10:32 am

ok, super fast background. im 30ish, live with my folks (due to economic reasons) and have a super boyfriend (the first in a long long time and we've been together for over ayear now) Last year my mom got sick and has been in and out of the hospital since. My great aunt died, my mom's mom died, dad has had surgery, mom fell and broke her hip, and now my mom's brother's only grand child died at the age of 22 after an extended illness. Im harassed by my supervisor at work and I have to work two jobs just to pay the bills though Ive applied in several places to attempt to do what I went to school for, with no luck thus far. Oh and one of my neighbors shot my dog after my dad made me let it loose from the pen where he was kept. I spend all of my savings to save the dog and when he is better dad wants him to be turned loose again or sent to the pound.
Ok. Thats the super short, super fast background.
Heres my problem:
"Greg" and I have been dating since just before mom's accident. He works alot and so do I so we see each other when we can, and I spend as much time as I can with him after work and such. Im so greatful to have him in my life, I really am. But he is getting fed up with the family problems that I have and told me twice now that he cant go through this again (aparetnly an ex-g/f had a messed up family and he was hurt by it, and his family was messed up too when he was a kid) My dad is rude to me and demanding and hateful almost 90% of the time. 5% he ignores me the other 5% he might say hello but thats about it. My neices and nephews have seen this and people OUTSIDE the family have commented when they have seen this but mom said Im making it up or that im gettin too upset by nothing, dad says Im crazy and needs meds and my sisters think that Im not doing enough and I should put teh boyfriend aside to help the family. (they dont put kids and husbands aside but ask me to put work and my life aside.....)
Anyhow, I was talking to my boyfriend lastnight and he basicly gave me three options: HE goes over and tells my dad to cut the crap, I fix the problem, or he leaves me. HE said he cant endure seeing me upset anymore and I have to stop telling him whats going on at myhouse because he gets upset at how Im being treated.
Mom is on so much medicatilon she is nolonger an ally. She might be on my side one day the next she might tell me Im crazy the next she puts me on the same guilt trips dad does or she yells too.
So I stay away as much as I can. I work one job that is 24 on 48 off and on my "off" days I work an 8-5. I go to the gym after work, the library for a project or my boyfriends house just to stay away from the drama. I come home when the b/f works late, or Im out of clothes. (I try to wash what I can at work). I do not have the money to move out and I cant find a roommate. so thats out. Ive figured the funds three thousand different ways, but with fuel prices what they are and what I make, well its just not possible, AND I make too much to qualify Im told for any govermnemt subsdised housing. So basicly Im stuck where I am until something comes along.
I dont want to loose "greg" but I NEED to talk to him and my preacher suggested I open up, since I did, well, he has only gotten angry because he cant do anything about me being upset all the time. Im depressed, sure, but its situational. My dr and I have discussed it, and we both see that when my dad isnt being hateful Im okay. "greg" said also lastnight he would arrest my dad himself and press charges if my dad yelled at me again ("Greg" is a county cop here). I dont need that. Lord knows, the family thinks Im being selfish for just wanting to have my own life and not dropping everything Ive worked for to help dad. I cant do it. I worked for him part time off and on since I was 14 and quit last year because he was too demandng and I wasnt making what I needed to make it.
Im so stressed that I think about how if I fell asleep and never woke up how that might be easier. I'd never go as far as to hurt myself, because In my job Ive seen several botched attepmts and that alone is enough to stop me from trying.
I cant talk to Greg anymore. even yesterday when my dad fussed at me for some stuff with the dog and called me "the most negitive person on earth" when I jokelnly told my mom her bad foot looked dead (she jokes about it too) I didnt get upset and I told "Greg" about it because I wanted to point out that I wasnt upset at all, I was ok. Dad didnt make me cry. But Greg was pissed over the confrontation anyhow and missed the point. Then I DID get upset because I cant bare the thought of this crap at home loosing me the man I love. He has hung in there for a long time, and I cant fault him for being tired of all of this now. Its gone on long enough.
The problem is I CANT fix dad, I CANT fix mom and they just get worse in attitude and it gets taken out on me.
I told "Greg" he cant fault me for myfamily being like this. He said he knows, but he cant go through this again.
What do I do?
How do I get through this on my own?
I need help.



gneiss
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28 Jul 2008, 7:01 pm

I'm not great at giving advice, but is it an option to move in with your boyfriend to se if you can work on things without family interference?



Ancalagon
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28 Jul 2008, 8:57 pm

You work 2 jobs and you're living at home? Are they part time? Are you supporting your parents? Or did I miss something else?

BTW, taking care of yourself, when no one else wants to, is NOT selfish.

You need to tell them both to stop it. Especially the bf, as it sounds like he listens (some anyway).

Tell your bf that you aren't going to just sit there and take it from your dad, but don't expect instant solutions; and that you need support from him, not ultimatums.


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Ladysmokeater
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30 Jul 2008, 1:25 pm

well right now Im not sure what can be done. I know this, with all of the stuff going on in my life as a whole, somethings gotta give. THe b/f and I talked the other night and he flat out said if my family cant make peace then he and I cant move on with our relationship and if we cant move on with our relationship its unfair to both of us to contiue. He said that wasnt what he wants but he knows that there really isnt any other choice if peace isnt achieved soon.

I know what he means. And I cried and cried yesterday thinking about it.
Then all hell broke loose at work. and my supervisor blew up at me.
Ive got two battles to fight now and need prayers for peace.



Alaras
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30 Jul 2008, 1:33 pm

My advice is to move in with the boyfriend and give up on your family for now. My mom is almost as bad as your dad is, but I'm lucky that my parents are divorced and my dad's sane. It seems like you have only one ally, so ask him if he'd help you if you tried to cut ties with your parents. Something tells me he might.