Confounded...

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Things in my life have been a-changing, to say the least... in six months, I plan to move cross-country to be with the woman who I have found love with... for the first time in years, perhaps even as an adult, I am happy. The reward is worth the risk, and for once in my life I am confident and decisive in what I want as a person. Those around me seem to find it pleasurable to berate me, to try and convince me that I should stay, to discount my feelings and opinions while they stand on their soapbox, talking about things that do not even relate to my situation. I am so ******* tired of this s**t... all my life, I've tried to do for others, to be there for them while trying to remain myself. But as a result, there has been little progress on my goals, and what is important to me. The prospect of moving terrifies me, but it is what I want. It is difficult for me to understand the thought processes of others, those who I thought were friends now becoming almost wrathful at the prospect. I feel caught in a Lagrangian state, pulled between the future and the past, memories and daydreams... and while it does not change what I want, it hurts greatly.


M.

You must do what you feel is right.

If you never go, you will always wonder... it will eat at you for the rest of your life.

If you have found real love, then I am happy for you.

What Tohlagos said.

I thought at least knew what love was... only to find out that each were part the smallest part... There are no guarantees in life, but without risk, there can be no reward. And you're right - I'll wonder, and I will loathe myself for not doing what is important to me. That sort of clarity has only happened for me perhaps three times in my life, and I would be a damn fool to ignore it. Yet I cannot say that their words don't strike me, cause me to repeat the analytic cycles all over again... and I'm tired. My give-a-damn gave up, it seems. Thanks to you both for responding... just worn out.


M.

Do what's right for you. The only way you'll find happiness is to take a risk and get out on your own just to see what happens. Like you, I have far too many people in my life telling me what I should and shouldn't do and I've finally had enough. I moved all the way across the U.S. back to AZ where I'm happiest and hope to stay here 'til I die. I know how you feel. Sometimes you just have to do what feels right for you no matter what anyone says.

That is amusing - I am leaving Arizona. The decision is not at issue - in six months, I am moving. It is how to cope with those around me that I am struggling with. Just want to shut down, walk away, when my words are ignored and spoken over in order for them to feel better. Asshats. Bloody asshats.


M.

Wow Makuranososhi!! I'm happy for you and in fact, I'm so inspired!!

I have realized that I'm not going to find love or any kind of happiness where I am now and the only way I'll ever get out of is to get out of this sh** hole town. Your message encourages me further to get out of this damn town. Not just for love, but for a better life in general. And if I were to find true love, someone I love deeply and have a genuine connection with, I will do whatever it takes to be with them. All that will stop me is me, AND I HAVE NO INTENTION OF STOPPING!! !! ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! !! !! !! !!

SF, thank you... to know that someone else finds themselves there is inspiring to me, and helps me keep looking forward. For years, I invested myself trying to create something that didn't exist here, trying to do for others when all I can do is work on myself. And now, the opportunity is there. Yes, the job market sucks - but I've been self-employed, and will find a way somehow. It's far from all that I know - but what I know makes me unhappy, so why remain? I have the possibility to work towards spending my time, perhaps my life with someone - and that is a risk I cannot forgo, as the reward is simply too great.


M.

The best of luck to you, makuranososhi. I hope everything works out for you. Ignore the naysayers. The worst that can happen to you is that you'll have to start over again in a new place or come back and start over again in Arizona. That's not much of a risk compared to finding happiness with your true love.