My cousin is going to have a rough time...

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I've just found out that my great aunt has lung cancer...

The entire family is very worried about my cousin. He's in his late 30's, and lives with his mother (my great aunt).

He's physically disabled. Has mild Cerebral Palsy, which is manifested by some paralysis on the left side of his body. He has a speech impediment, his left hand points straight downwards, and he walks with a limp.

The actual Cerebral Palsy is not the main issue though. It was treatable. But my great aunt and uncle decided to ignore it, which is not a great idea for treatable physical disabilities. As a result, he walked and toilet trained very late, and still requires help with things like bathing and teeth brushing.

And as a result of THAT, he was raised with very low expectations of his abilities. He graduated high school, but that's about it. He's never worked, he's never lived on his own. He's had friends in the past, but his mother became more restrictive of his activities when his father died.

He has no access to money, and he spends his entire day in the house. The only time when he has ever been left alone, was when his mother was hospitalized with pneumonia. He actually called our house, because he was having nightmares, and panicing without his mother there. He had never even been taught to make himself something to eat before then.

We thought that after the pneumonia incident, that my great aunt would smarten up, and get my cousin set up with services, or at least social groups to help him cope. But maybe this will really wake her up. She's 78, and she might only have the next year to sort out her affairs, as well as her son's.

I feel really bad for him. In the next year, not only is he going to have to cope with learning independant living skills, getting his own source of money, getting more involved with the community, moving to a new place altogether, but he's also going to have to cope with losing the woman that has made up almost his entire life.

Any other suggestions?

He sounds like he's with it in some ways though, as he was able to graduate. I suggest helping them look for something like supported living. I don't know how it works in Canada, but here in the UK there are various agencies that provide supported tennencies for people such as your cousin, so they can maintain a level of independence but still receive the care and support they need.

If money is an issue, try approaching government funded schemes, or those run by charities. See over here social services would fund the placement and he would be eligable for disability benefits to help him financialy. I know in Canada and the US things like that are a lot harder to get and do, so I'm limited as to the ideas I can give you. Getting someone to contact social services to assess his needs might be a good first step, because he sounds like a clever person who just needs some practical support with daily living tasks like cooking decent food etc.

But certainly try to get him on disability benefits, there's no harm in someone going through the process now before things get too messy, that will rule out that option if he is turned down, but he seems like he could get something for his physical handicaps.

I would hate to be faced with such a situation, and to be honest it stinks that people with disabilities have to find themselves in these places thanks to lack of prior intervention and support.

Cheryl.