Manic episode is officially over, now I'm depressed

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FireBird
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15 Feb 2009, 10:07 pm

After being manic since October of last year, it has turned for the worse. I loved being manic because I didn't have any of the bad parts of being manic such as overspending or having sex with everyone I know. Just being overly happy and grandiose and at times acting extremely hyper like in ADHD. Those symptoms. Now because of stupid surgeries (my dad might have to go back for surgery after this last one was unsuccessful) I am depressed and we mailed hundreds of samples to different zoos and other places and not one single one contacted us.

We are failing to meet our cash flow projections. We were supposed to make around $5,000 gross profit last month and we made $200. Pathetic! Even though everyone who sees our product says it has potential of making millions of dollars, where is it people! Everything with my brother is great, he has a business idea that can make BILLIONS of dollars but right now its top secret so don't ask. He has the potential of being the next Bill Gates while I make a hundred here and there. Not enough to support a person.

Mom is in excruciating pain from her back surgery. She is having muscle spasms. She said it can take MONTHS to do anything so I'll just be bored for days on end. My birthday is coming up and it BETTER be good. By the way its on the 19th of this month- this upcoming Thursday.

On top of all that, my "psychotic" episode which to me is a neurotic episode on some days its very severe even though I take poison....oh I mean pills. I hate being bipolar (or what the Evil Doctors diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type). What goes up must come down. And it has, hard. Splat on the ground. The government is telling me all kinds of dangerous things like test flight my jet pack by making slits on my back so (it was built from within from the nanobots {micro robots}) it can pop up from under my skin and I have to use a tall building for it to work. The good news is that around here in the middle of nowhere there ain't no tall buildings and no one would let me do it anyways just in case it DOESN'T work! I can jump off a cow but that won't work, because cows is all we got out here, moo! I ain't got no....techno!

Then there is that bomb in my neck that is capable of starting world war 3 and destroying the entire country. The gov agents go in my house nearly everyday and talk about their next move against me. I have seen them once, they uncloaked to prove that they are there and yep, they're there! Most of the time they are cloaked and you just see their shadows and other indicators that they are there. I can sense their presence at times. How can they get to my house since it is the middle of nowhere you ask? They have an underground headquarters near here, we also live near an army base so its more likely anyways. I have a whole spy team dedicated to me because I destroyed the economy.

I feel the nanobots all the time. Yesterday they were in my room and whispered in my ear my name. It was very clear. Sometimes they threaten to kill me with a laser satellite (too bad it wasn't one of the satellites that were involved in the collision a few days back!) when I'm out in the open or in the car. Once I heard it locking on to me. The aliens are another story. They just say I have a special purpose for them and they built a thought broadcasting device so the entire world can hear my thoughts! They are fighting for control over my body and right now the government is winning. Other times it was the aliens. I have chips implanted by both the aliens and the gov in my brain even though sometimes I smell my brain rotting and its being replaced with a robot brain! So, these are the reasons why I am getting very depressed. My entire family hates me and so does the world. I am useless. I truly thought I was going to change the world for the better. Now its death and destruction. That is all.



Last edited by FireBird on 17 Feb 2009, 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

FireBird
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16 Feb 2009, 12:25 am

Anyone there?



sunshower
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16 Feb 2009, 2:17 am

You are not useless (from what I've heard so far you're far from it!) and several hundred is still a big achievement if you start from zero. You'll get there, and if this idea doesn't work you'll think of another... remember we are currently in a bad financial climate, so it is likely business won't do as well as planned.

Like I said, you've got some amazing achievements behind you and you're an inspiration to the people on this site. Don't give up hope! And hopefully, your down will turn into an up again as soon as may be.

*big hug*


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Fluffybunnyfeet
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17 Feb 2009, 3:12 am

There are no aliens, and the government is composed entirely of people like you.

Much more mundane, perhaps you should stay in your colourful imaginings.

Oh I don't mean to be insensitive : I know about paranoia, it runs away on you.

As you're in The Haven, it sounds less like you're depressed and more like you're very anxious/paranoid/angry. I would like to wish you luck, and hope that the smoke clears soon.

Also, the reason that I almost didn't bother reading is a lack of paragraphs. Being presented with 1000 words arranged like a stream of consciousness puts people off... with paragraphs readers can get a general feel for the tone of the message much more quickly.



FireBird
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17 Feb 2009, 12:46 pm

I fixed it so it has paragraphs now instead of one huge one!



Ana54
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18 Feb 2009, 7:11 am

I'm diagnosed as bipolar and schizoaffective too... and I have to go in for surgery too ( because a med student sewed me up too tight after I gave birth. :( )



FireBird
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19 Feb 2009, 2:33 pm

I am no longer depressed, just a little bit because of mom's spasms. I can't stand seeing someone in so much pain. I was just accepted into Princeton University (their art show). Over 500 people were rejected and I was one of the few that was accepted. There is a chance that I might speak there. I also was accepted into the Manhattan Children's Center art show, the John F. Kennedy Center art show, and a San Diego art show. Also, I am accepted into another art book with autistic artists (don't know much info about this one yet). I am the Famous Artist! My art value just went up considerably. Maybe I'll be the next Wyland! Wyland is an artist that does marine life paintings and his art goes for hundreds of thousands of dollars and his company makes $100 million a YEAR. I also am going to be a great speaker one day. I have to draw more because I need more than the 300 designs that I have already. I need 300,000 designs! The only problem with drawing right now is that when I draw for more than 5 minutes my hand starts to hurt a lot. I am also in 2010 going to be in the Columbia University art show, and the University of California. By the way, all this good luck happened on my birthday!



Fluffybunnyfeet
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20 Feb 2009, 7:47 pm

Life seems to be full of extremes for you at the moment : your mom's pain, the displaying of your art at shows.

At the very least, its a colourful existence, and i'd say there would be plenty of WP readers who would be envious of your opportunities.

Don't forget that the problems and difficulties of life come to people with much talent (such as yourself) and no talent (like me!) equally. Hopefully WP remains a place that you can speak your mind when going through tough times.



FireBird
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23 Feb 2009, 12:35 am

Now its a "mixed" episode, both being extremely manic and extremely depressed at the same time. Lets start with the terrible news. Mom's back has become infected. The day before the surgery, I had a dream or should I say nightmare. I know the timing is off but while she was in the hospital, her back became infected and she developed a fever. Last time that happened (it was with her shoulders though this time it is her back) she nearly died because of an infection. Instead of it happening while she was in the hospital, it happened 1 1/2 weeks later. I'm terrified that the entire dream will come true (that she will die). Just remember if she dies, I die. I have been known to have psychic dreams. Just look in the "predictions for 2008 and 2009" thread that I started and you will see how accurate I am. Now for the manic part. The Hollywood show is bigger than thought (Rosa made a mistake- she thought it was taking place in San Diego and later corrected it), I am going to be in my third art book (all 3 of them are coming out this year) and my favorite actor in the world is going to be at this event (the event is called "Heroes for Autism" and it had a list of all the people that are playing in the band and Hugh Laurie is one of them!) in case you don't know who he is, he is on House as the main character. I am with the movie and TV stars now and sometimes People and US magazines cover this event. It is so high profile, it costs $100 just to get in! What if (if mom survives) one of the movie/ TV stars buys one of my art pieces? It is all because of my contact in New York as mentioned before. She is also trying to get me to speak at many events all over the country, not just the places that accepted my art. We are waiting to see if I am able to speak in front of all those celebrities. The people who are putting this on are dumb because they mention 2 dates for it to take place. April 5th and April 19th. Which one is it?