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I just want to die

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Tahitiii
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15 Mar 2009, 2:11 am

How long ago did your friend's brother die?
Who have you talked to about it?



philosopherBoi
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15 Mar 2009, 2:35 am

Tahitiii wrote:
How long ago did your friend's brother die?
Who have you talked to about it?


His brother died a few days ago and about a week before that his other Ian died in Ireland, oh and a few days before Justin died it was the anniversary of his son's murder.

I should also clarify that the comments about the circumcision were with Dominick, and the stuff about the brothers is with Jessie Dominick's boyfriend. Sorry my head is a bloody mess it is all messed up inside.


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Tahitiii
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15 Mar 2009, 2:45 am

You should see someone, asap.
Just to get you through the next few weeks.
It's too hard to do that alone.
Do you have a regular doctor and a way to pay?



philosopherBoi
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15 Mar 2009, 3:22 am

Tahitiii wrote:
You should see someone, asap.
Just to get you through the next few weeks.
It's too hard to do that alone.
Do you have a regular doctor and a way to pay?


I see a psychologist every 2 weeks and with her I have made improvements however so much has happened to me and so much is going on right now no amount of help will bear much fruit.


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lelia
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15 Mar 2009, 10:03 am

Whew! I went to bed and this morning I find out more of the story. Oh, what a hideous fight. I would feel just the same after something like that. Ohhh..... So much tragedy.



Tahitiii
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15 Mar 2009, 10:57 am

I was thinking more of drugs, which a psychologist can't give you. A regular doctor can do that, and one who knows you might do it. Especially if they talk to each other.

Normally, I think psychiatric drugs are over-prescribed, but sometimes they are necessary. After a serious physical accident, you would need some kind of pain killer. A way to manage the pain on a short-term basis. What you had was a major emotional event. Probably the worst moment of your life. Don't wait two weeks, just to talk to someone who can't help you.

Personally, I know that being an in-patient in a psychiatric ward would only make things worse for me. I have friends who have been there, so I've seen first-hand how it works. Just the setting, with their standard procedures, would push me right over the edge. But as an out-patient, there has to be something they can do to help you.

You really need to call someone today, if you haven't already. Do you have a friend or relative or parent who can go with you? You often get better treatment if someone who cares about you is there and being supportive.



philosopherBoi
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15 Mar 2009, 10:59 am

lelia wrote:
Whew! I went to bed and this morning I find out more of the story. Oh, what a hideous fight. I would feel just the same after something like that. Ohhh..... So much tragedy.


You don't even know the half off it. You see I view circumcision as mutilation, except when the foreskin poses a risk such as it has become cancerous or something like then and only then is it justifiable to for a circumcision on the child. So I was really really pissed you know to the point I didn't care what I said as long as it hurt their feelings as bad as they hurt mine. I will be honest it really did make me sick it made me really question are these two friends I want I mean to harm someone so young who can't protect themselves from harm scares really pushed a great deal of buttons.


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philosopherBoi
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15 Mar 2009, 11:03 am

Tahitiii wrote:
I was thinking more of drugs, which a psychologist can't give you. A regular doctor can do that, and one who knows you might do it. Especially if they talk to each other.

Normally, I think psychiatric drugs are over-prescribed, but sometimes they are necessary. After a serious physical accident, you would need some kind of pain killer. A way to manage the pain on a short-term basis. What you had was a major emotional event. Probably the worst moment of your life. Don't wait two weeks, just to talk to someone who can't help you.

Personally, I know that being an in-patient in a psychiatric ward would only make things worse for me. I have friends who have been there, so I've seen first-hand how it works. Just the setting, with their standard procedures, would push me right over the edge. But as an out-patient, there has to be something they can do to help you.

You really need to call someone today, if you haven't already. Do you have a friend or relative or parent who can go with you? You often get better treatment if someone who cares about you is there and being supportive.


I am on meds actually started a new one but to get to half way dose it will take 5 weeks. If I got to fast it could kill me because their is a rare and deadly side effect that causes a rash so it takes five weeks to find out if my body will allow the med or not.


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Tahitiii
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15 Mar 2009, 11:27 am

Have you been up all night? You've been replying right away to everyone. I don't know where you are, but by New York time, you have posted at 11:12 pm, 11:31 pm, 11:46 pm, 12:36 am, 1:52 am, 2:24 am, 3:35 am, 4:22 am, (no reply from anyone else for a while) 11:59 am, 12:03 pm.

This is an emergency, and your regular medication wasn't made for this. If you were having a heart attack or got hit by a bus, they would take you right away and do something. Take a support person if you possibly can. The staff will be less likely to push you around or trivialize what is happening with you. But either way, you need help today. Not two weeks or five weeks from now, but today.



philosopherBoi
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15 Mar 2009, 12:13 pm

Tahitiii wrote:
Have you been up all night? You've been replying right away to everyone. I don't know where you are, but by New York time, you have posted at 11:12 pm, 11:31 pm, 11:46 pm, 12:36 am, 1:52 am, 2:24 am, 3:35 am, 4:22 am, (no reply from anyone else for a while) 11:59 am, 12:03 pm.

This is an emergency, and your regular medication wasn't made for this. If you were having a heart attack or got hit by a bus, they would take you right away and do something. Take a support person if you possibly can. The staff will be less likely to push you around or trivialize what is happening with you. But either way, you need help today. Not two weeks or five weeks from now, but today.


I don't trust people to respect me, and I have a real fear of being locked up in a nut house. I spent a month in one two weeks at a time if I could have I would have killed myself if I could because it was such a horrific experience each time. Also I have a real fear of meds, I had a really bad reaction, my hands turned inwards, my arms turned inwards, I lost bladder control, I developed scoliosis because my muscles in my back were to weak to hold my torso up, I could hardly feed myself because I couldn't hold onto things.


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Tahitiii
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15 Mar 2009, 12:24 pm

philosopherBoi wrote:
I don't trust people to respect me, and I have a real fear of being locked up in a nut house.
Me, too. I don't think it's an unreasonable fear. But if you're a legal adult, they can't force it unless you're threatening yourself or someone else. They might try to trick you, but you can say "No" and make it clear from the minute you walk in the door. You need to be careful when you're so vulnerable. If your support person understands that you have no intention of checking in, they won't try as hard to trick you.
I wish I could be there. I'd go with you.



philosopherBoi
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15 Mar 2009, 12:31 pm

Tahitiii wrote:
philosopherBoi wrote:
I don't trust people to respect me, and I have a real fear of being locked up in a nut house.
Me, too. I don't think it's an unreasonable fear. But if you're a legal adult, they can't force it unless you're threatening yourself or someone else. They might try to trick you, but you can say "No" and make it clear from the minute you walk in the door. You need to be careful when you're so vulnerable. If your support person understands that you have no intention of checking in, they won't try as hard to trick you.
I wish I could be there. I'd go with you.


I can't do that I can't go fear is something that has a grip on me, anyways I am in no shape to be making decisions I am so tired but I can't sleep yet I need to stay up a few more hours.


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Tahitiii
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15 Mar 2009, 12:44 pm

Is anyone in the house with you?

How's your homework? Do you have something really boring that you've been putting off? Get comfortable first. That might put you to sleep. Or something really lame on TV, like a community bulletin board.



philosopherBoi
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15 Mar 2009, 1:00 pm

Tahitiii wrote:
Is anyone in the house with you?

How's your homework? Do you have something really boring that you've been putting off? Get comfortable first. That might put you to sleep. Or something really lame on TV, like a community bulletin board.


My parents are here, and no I don't have anything boring i am putting off anyways I am trying to stay up so when I wake up it will be at normal time.


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Tahitiii
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15 Mar 2009, 1:08 pm

(sigh.) I would think sleep would be more important right now.

(Edit: I'm back.)



Last edited by Tahitiii on 15 Mar 2009, 4:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

roygerdodger
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15 Mar 2009, 2:04 pm

philosopherBoi wrote:
I want to die so badly, everyone who I ever called friend has hurt me, or left me. No cares about me I just want to die so badly. The pain is so great god it hurts so badly, it is hell I just want to die.


I'll be your friend, too. You can talk to me, anytime. :)