Need advice and help

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My life is falling apart. Ive known i wasnt normal for a long time, ive self diagnosed myself with Asperger's after reading many articles written about AS and articles written by people with AS. It felt like they were writing the article about me, and i was astonished other people were having the same problems because for most of my life i have felt alone. Throughout elementary and middle school i always had consistent friends but started to be teased and made fun of because my friends werent cool and considered weird. As i began my freshmen year in high school i was separated from my friends and had no classes with them and a different lunch hour, i was completely alone for an entire school day. I decided to re-invent myself my sophmore year in high school since the freshmen campus is actually separate from main high school campus. New people and a new campus, it was a perfect time to hit the reset button. My sophmore year in high school was amazing, i made alot of new friends and people seemed to forget that i was the weird kid who never talked to anyone. I became pretty popular and was on cloud nine. Unfortunately by hitting the reset button i have sealed my fate. Re-inventing my self caused me to lie all the time to seem normal. Eventually lying became a bad habit that i just cant shake. My one fear is being an outcast and be treated different for being different but by trying to seem normal i have lied to everyone. No one knows who i really am, not even my parents. By lying to seem normal is just causing me to dig a deeper and deeper hole that i cant get out of. These lies have torn my life apart. Its at the point where my parents think im making great grades in college and have a wonderful job and a girlfriend. Truthfully my life is the exact opposite. I dropped out of college, i dont have a job, and have never had a girlfriend. All i do everyday is eat, sleep, watch tv, play xbox, and smoke weed. Im trying to get my life back on track but it seems impossible. With all this time on my hands ive been thinking alot about why i do the things i do, and that led me to discover asperger's and finally answered my life long question of why i was so different.

The discovery that i have Asperger's has changed my view on things. I do realize its not my fault i couldnt concentrate in classes i didnt like or why i always lose friends or why i couldnt talk to people and hated crowds of people. I want to die, i pray for death. I have almost stopped thinking about the future because i have death so firmly planted in my head. I dont value my life anymore in fact death seems to be the only thing that can save me from the torment of my everyday life. The only cure for Asperger's feels like death, but the only thing stopping me from killing myself is knowing what kind of effect that would have on my parents. My parents did so much for me and my brother and they have worked their asses off putting food on our table and giving us almost everything we wanted from them. I am planning on telling my parent's that i have Asperger's and that i have been lying for years to try to seem normal. I really dont know what my parents will do or how they will react to knowing that they have raised a complete failure. My brother is the perfect son, i dont think my parents have ever been angry with him. He graduated last year from law school and i have to compete with that. I dont know what my parents would do knowing they have one success and one failure as sons. I have never really had a heart to heart with my parents or ever really talked to them about my thoughts a feelings. This really scares me because i dont know what i will say to them i whats going to happen after that.

I have been working to get my life back on track. I re enrolled in college for this fall and have been trying to find a job and a new apartment. But I need help. Should i tell my parents everything? Or should i keep it to myself and try to fix my life alone? Or should i let them know little by little about whats really going on? If i do decide to tell my parents how do i do it?

I took the Aspie quiz and my results:
Your Aspie score: 168 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 45 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

I would try getting counseling from a therapist that can help you with your emotional problems, especially the weed thing and any other issues you may have.Getting an official diagnosis will help you a lot, so you can feel comfortable about everything. Also, getting a diagnosis can help you get the help you may need. Also when you are in school, even going to the school advising department because they have probably have separate counseling programs for students who need emotional and or other support that can help them deal, cope and even help you succeed in school.Some also do regular counseling as well, but I would go to a regular therapist for the emotional and other issues, and the school student advising counselor to help you be able to succeed and support you so you can succeed in school. An official diagnosis can also get you some disability help that you can receive while at school, and even get you qualified for any scholarships and/or financial aid to help pay for school. I am going to school in September and I am getting financial aid because I am on disability. Good Luck and I wish you well.