The Holidays

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I love this site because there are so many people who seem to get it. I was forced to go to family parties and family church events and it made me feel horrible. Like after an event, I'd feel bad for days on end. And when I'm there, I can't even talk to anyone. They aren't even interested in my life year round, but when an event comes up, I HAVE to be there because they are family. Plus they treat me like I'm slow or just don't engage in much conversation with me. I don't want to be around that, family or not. I'm also beyond the idea that family are supposed to be there for you and I am supposed to just show up for them. After years of dealing with that, at 24, I just told my mom I was making the decision not to attend anymore events. She guilted me into going a few years after, but right now, I'm standing my ground. Not going.

And it's not that I don't like holidays. I LOVE holidays. I love the fall, so Halloween and Thanksgiving are my faves. The decor and food....come on. Love it! And I look forward to Christmas. Again, decorations and the traditions of gifts. It can be enjoyed alone. Some of my best memories revolve around the holidays, but not the part about celebrating with anyone other than my closest family members. (Brother, mom, dad, maybe nieces and nephew.)

I personally find New year's Eve kind of depressing because I never get to go to any celebrations and if I did there would be drunken idiots all around me, which I would hate and feel very unsafe. Also I think the reason people make such a big deal abut it turning a New Year is because the old year really sucked and everyone is glad to see the last of it. But the new year always turns out to be like the old year, if not worse. There is always still greed and war and hate and stupidity. Nothing gets better. It's just like that Calvin and Hobbes comic.

I usually dress all in black on New Year's day to show my feelings of how it's not just the end of another year, it's the end of everything.