How does a bully not know they're being a bully?

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I have a different opinion on why some people snap and shoot others at schools. Back in the day, when you had a problem with somebody and got in an actual fight with them you didn't get suspended or expelled and they didn't call the cops etc like they do now. It was simply "kids being kids" and as long as you did it outside, rather than inside, you didn't get in much trouble. Your parents were called. Unless you were just picking on and hitting people for no reason. Nowadays they make a huge deal out of it. I think that when kids knew they could use physical means to show anger, there was less violence. I know that sounds backwards, but it was there as a release valve and knowing that you can do something, many times, prevents you from actually doing it.

My son was recenly suspended for five days for fighting. A boy who had been picking on him since third grade said something to him, yet again, and my son was having a bad day and told him "come on" then insulted him. The boy hit my son in the eye and gave him a cut. It bled a lot, and seeing the blood, when he fell down on the floor somehow enraged him and he punched the other boy from the floor and broke his jaw. He had hold of the other boys shirt. Those kind of fights where someone gets a broken bone could be avoided if kids didn't have to tiptoe around all these rules now. If those two boys had been put outside and told in third grade to just "fight it out and get it over with" there wouldn't have been all those years of built up hostility.

Kid's arent that great at using words to express their feelings, they are still learning. They still sometimes use physical action to express that. By the time they are grown, hopefully they won't need that anymore, but treating kids like they are criminals for fighting just leads to botteling up emotions and fatal explosions like shootings, IMO.

Frances

That's not what I meant. My aspie mate would threaten his mother to break things if she doesn't do as he says and he would also hit her. He did that at school too to the teachers but he always got in trouble for that but he still did it. He did that to other kids too for no reason. Most kids don't do this to get their way, even aspie kids don't do this. Most kids try and get their way through tantrums, they don't resort to violence. They will also beg too to get their way. What you did was typical, not ODD.

I understand better now, thank you LG, you're speaking about children using physical violence to bully others, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I was thinking of something else while I was reading and responding to your comment. Children with ODD have far more tantrums than the average child but at 4 years old, I still felt that I was being mean to my mother in order to get my way when I had that tantrum and to me, it was a form of bullying and it was wrong.

Really? One on WP? :/ That's unfortunate. You're probably on to something with the spectrum of narcissism though



Absolutely. I know a few. I was in a long-term relationship with one once. Worst, hardest time of my life

I'm sorry to hear that Vigilans, I can imagine it was the worst and hardest time of your life. The one I know is extremely deceptive and he hid it from me at first pretending to be someone he was not. He does this still and people who don't really know him think he's this great wonderful guy. If people knew who he really was and how he really is, they would be shocked!

My father is a horrible narcissist. He'll defend his illusion of innocence no matter WHAT. He even cheated on my mom, bragged about how beautiful the new woman was, then blamed my mom for the whole thing years later.

In fact, I think he might be a psychopath. I'm pretty sure.

I don't see how defending yourself can be seen as bullying. How can you think you are defending yourself? If someone bumps into you or calls you a name and you retaliate then you are defending yourself.

Oh the 'sensitive' card bullies like to use that one alot, just another way to blame the victim.

If someone is being violent and abusive for no reason then yes they are being a bully.

It was an accident when people bump into me because the hallways were narrow and they were very crowded. I assumed it was intenitonal so I started to shove them back.

Kids blocking my eye sight, they were just doing it to get me to notice them, they weren't doing it to be mean but I didn't know that. they probably did it to each other too and I didn't see that. So I shove them too and mom would tell me I was very lucky I wasn't given the black eye.

When kids kept on telling me someone is sitting there, I thought they were giving me a hard time and having a joy out of moving me around from seat to seat so I got angry and freaked out and this one boy told me I was out of control and to stop. I told him to stay out of it or foes he want me to beat him up and he told me to go ahead. So I started to hit and pinch him and I got into trouble and he had a mark on his chin. Even mom told me I was wrong and it did turn out there really was someone sitting in those seats and I just happened to sit in one that was already occupied but I didn't see any stuff under the chairs where they kept their binders and textbooks.

So yes I was a bully. It didn't matter if I thought I was getting picked on. Bullying is bullying. I just honestly wanted them to be afraid of me so they leave me alone and be afraid of me so they wouldn't pick on me so I defended myself. I used to get upset when my mother tell me I was a bully but then after a while I started to accept the facts and admitting it. With me being picked on at my old school, I thought these kids were picking on me. Of course my issues got blamed on my AS because I misread their intentions. But I blame it on my bad experience from being bullied. I wonder how a NT child would react to all this too if they also got bullied at their old school?

Because I kept getting into fights, I was finally taken out of all my classes and placed in the special ed room away from everyone else. I thought it was to protect me from the mean kids but no it was to keep the other kids safe from me. But I didn't want to go back to regular classes because I felt safe in there and no one was to pick on me. I even had an aid with me and I thought she was there to protect me from the bullies but no she was there to keep me under control and to help me out. That is how bullying can mess up a victim. I had turned into a bully because I thought I was being bullied so I defended myself. I was very lucky I got over it and didn't stay that way like some people do.


No one called me names at my new school BTW.



Was that directed at me? I think you missed the point what I wrote. At Babycenter, sometimes a person will post a thread asking something and it's just an innocent question. But instead of women being all rational, they post rude responses to the OP, attack her, make fun of her and so on and yes that is bullying what they are doing. They have claimed they were defending themselves but to me there was nothing to be offended over so they were bullies. I say they were sensitive. Babycenter is just a drama filled place where women love to be offended just so they can bully people. I don't go there much anymore and seeing that stuff does get tiring and it pisses me off. They will copy and paste the OP and copy and paste the responses by the OP so that is proof right there. They just don't want to move on when the OP deletes their OP because women took it the wrong way and they just don't want to move on so they do copy and pasting so they can carry it on. You can't even ask a question without worrying about if you are going to get attacked or not and how people will take it. Women there take things out of context and act like the OPs had an agenda or something with their questions. That just showed me how much better the autism forums are than the NT forums. We are more rational. Sometimes I wonder if women at Babycenter pretend to get offended so they have an excuse to bully the OP and then claim they are defending themselves. I think women love to troll there and some of them have even admitted when they have had a hard day at work, they like to go on there and be mean just to blow off steam than taking it out on people they love. I don't know these women in real life, they could be nice people but when they get behind the screen, they are jerks.

Coolness, I hope they deal with the jerk as he deserves.

It is sick, just plain sick, and yet such people will go on to blame their victims even.

If what MidLifeAspie said on I^2 about you being an ally of his on the current WP moderation team, then I can only imagine that the meaning of your words is an attempted veiled reference to me. Whatever though.

The sooner you move on from that business the sooner they will too

What? I've no idea what you're talking about there Parakeet. No, I was not referring to you, or any member currently on WP...

Seems that everytime I make a remark without explicitly specifying the subject of the remark, people are going to assume I'm talking about them I may stop doing that.



Okay I think I've decoded that, and I think that what you mean is that MLA was claiming that I was somehow okay with his activities, and even supporting them. if that's the case then it's a load of BS. He was spinning a lot of it at the time.

Vigilans is right, though, best to move on. Send me a PM if you want to talk privately about it.

For someone in your position, as a moderator of this forum, that would be the proper thing to do.

Last edited by Taupey on 30 Nov 2011, 11:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

poor monderators

Thank you, OSB. Is spotting typos one of your special interests?