Why must men be macho in order to "be men"?

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Really? Why? I can't be macho. It just doesn't come natural to me.

Not sure exactly. I guess that's just what society recognizes as "manliness". I imagine there's some genetic aspect to it too, 'cause it's natural for some guy's to be "manly", while others have a tough time. It likely has to do with testosterone levels.


EDIT: There are "fakes" out there, and this doesn't apply to them. They're just acting.

I'm not sure why any of us have to act like the genders we've been subscribed to. Not saying that people aren't the way they are because of their gender but I do think society and the "mainstream" make it hard for some of us to feel comfortable about being the gender we're born being. Heck, I can't identify with being feminine since culturually feminine is someone who wears lot's of makeup, acts like child, and only interested in clothes...at least that's the pressure I feel like I'm under when I'm around other females.

I wouldn't try and be something I'm not. Maybe you shouldn't either. And to tell you the truth, I don't find guys acting overly strong and unemotional that attractive. I find myself usually going for effeminate guys..but anyway that's just me.

I think my question would be, why you feel you need to act macho. Social norms are hard but I've come to the point now in my life where I see myself more as an entity than a gender.

Oh and as Jawbrodt put it, some of them are fakes who are insecure with themselves. I've known some guys including my dad who were the strong and unemotional type dealing with other issues like alcoholism and depression.

Last edited by MissConstrue on 13 Jun 2009, 12:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Testosterone, the more of it you have flowing through your brain, the more "macho" you behave.

I've had this issue before. I don't really fit the "heterosexual male" stereotype as I don't really like sports, I like to read poetry on occassion (and have written it, too), and I like some musical theater. I've even been asked, "Are you gay?!" I'm not, but then I wonder if maybe that's why women aren't attracted to me, because I'm not a "macho" man. I know it's silly to think so, but it does cross my mind. Then again, it could be my lack of good looks. Maybe I should stop quoting Neruda or "Wizard of Oz" and start grunting and try lifting heavy things.

Last edited by DarrylZero on 14 Jun 2009, 11:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

I kind of have fun with this topic with people. For some reason guys think i'm manly and I find it amusing. I was an all-american football player in high school and worked weekends as a bouncer at a couple clubs through college.
But my theory for me is not that it's testosterone, it was environment. I am the youngest of 4 brothers. I grew up learning to be 'tough' out of necessity =P. I think it gave me an unhuman tolerance for pain =P. (and also, at 6ft tall now, i'm the tallest of the 4 brothers by 4 inches, poetic justice, i could beat them all up now!)

So if guys ever start talking about it, I change the topic to other stuff and start talking about how I know how to knit and cross-stitch, or my vegetable garden. Good shock value =P

Possibly at some point in evolution a guy/monkey/primate acted more macho than he naturally was, and gained a little advantage by it, and then everyone else started doing it to try to out-compete each other. So it became this big, competitive, social act that is expected of all males. Like being put on a game show you didn't sign up for.

At my age (40) people seem a lot less concerned about it than I remember in my 20's. I still have people assume I'm gay or "soft" but that's fine. (being 6' and 190lbs naturally keeps most of the jerks quiet) It's easier to say that now than 20 years ago, though; I got more flak about it back then.

They don't. This is just all a deluded way of how many people seem to think.

What really makes you a man is being steadfast in your views... being a true person to those around you... being a really nice person, and sticking to your own values and never giving into peer pressure.

That is what really makes you a man.

QFT.


I also enjoy the theory my dad always taught.
A man must know how to do 3 things
1. Cook
2. Dance
3. Keep a well maintained lawn.

I was always forced to cook and barbacue at my dads side. I do enjoy cooking still but kinda lack desire and motivation to get things organized. My oldest brother is a very well renowned chef though. Its a greek thing I think, all greeks cook =P
He signed me up for ballroom dancing when I was just 8 (though its still just mostly theory, i know how to dance, but the execution of it is still lost in my two left feet)
and I still keep pride in the fact i have the greenest damn lawn on the block!

...because mankind evolved from other creatures that had that characteristic.

We are no more than beasts. We may have written rules to try to control our basic traits, but they exist nonetheless.

show me a man that goes to work everyday to feed his kids and pay his mortgage and I will show you a real hero.

You don't need to be macho in order to be a man, in general having a penis makes one a man.

nah, these are tricky these days. you need to check the chromosomes, that's the only reliable test.

Agreed with the above post. :p

because back in the day where you had to fight off animals to keep the kids fed, and the best cave, required some @$%-whoopin'. Nice guys didn't finish last, they were served first...

Women picked those men who best were able to ensure their children would grow up.

We spent 3 million years evolving this way, and only in the last few decades can the smart guy 'get the girl'...

Though that does also mean choosing the ones that aren't so overly aggressive that they'll eat (or god knows what) the kids. Or get himself killed over something stupid. Seems like there's usually some interest in evidence of self-control and some sort of soft side. (But I don't have ovaries so what do I know.)

Maybe those competing interests are why males haven't uniformly evolved into "kill-everything" or ineffectual weakling types; but into a spectrum of those traits?