Post a random truth (about yourself)

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I learned to play piano at the age of 26.

I took piano classes when I was in grade school, but lost interest very quick.

A part of me just remains insecure. Not of bonds, but of presence and means.

That when I start getting it all good and expect it there the next day -- only one day, all the sudden it didn't.
So this memory of mine; had been in a group of online friends for years. I interact with them regularly, was looking forward to it, and I had plans and all that got them.

... Only to lose the internet the next day.
No chances of communication. I missed out on them. Never get to do what I planned for them.
And so these cuts lasted for months. The last time lasted for years.

When I came back online then?
I thought it was all good again. Only for what, to last a day? A week? We were all looking forward to it, only for it not to happen.

Then I came back again, with this anticipation that I may lose ways of going with them again.
Whenever I go online, at the back of my mind tells me I can disconnect at any time and never able to go back for a long time.

Now I've been online for years.
And the back of my mind still whispers whenever I'm on; I'm online for now. FOR NOW.

And this fricking FOR NOW had been, what, YEARS IN A ROW??

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^^ I used to share a house with about 20 other people. After two years, I stopped feeling like the new guy. So, I did an inventory, and realized I had been there the longest.

... There were times a friend of mine cried in front of me, broken hearted.

While I did listened to every word... Or at least heard it all.


I just stared silently.


Rationally, I should give this friend a hug in hopes of comfort, sympathetic words and all that.

But I didn't, because I emotionally don't whether or not I can feel this sadness.
If I do as I ought to, it'll be awkward and fake, it's insincere and feels like an act of disrespect even if it's appropriate.



What does this tell me?
I'd rather be rationally empathic than sensitive.

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My NT sister and I see the same therapist, but separately.

However, I am not giving up on trying to convince our mom to do likewise.

I do use the word "literally" for emphasis, but never when I don't literally mean "literally."

I went to a hardcore, *very* outdoorsy sleep away camp when I was 14. I came back with stories to tell!

As a kid, I was jealous that my brother got to go camping, in an actual tent and everything, with boy scouts, while my girl scout troop always stayed in cabins and didn’t camp “properly.”

I am glad I never became a Boy Scout.

Eventually I did become a boy scout, I joined a venturing crew (part of Boy Scouts of America) for a couple of years in high school. My crew wasn't very active, though.

I will continue to refuse to remain obese even though it's a family tradition for men.

I don't mind kids and their toys...

Except I hate loud musical ones. Yappy dog ones and tickle me Elmo in particular. Cringe worthy!

My NT sister and I both hate families who have fussy children!

I like to draw inanimate objects more than people when I do art.

I never declared myself an empath -- I hope to be the opposite of that -- but I just had to consider it.
Someone else declared that for me -- or rather, several people did.



... Much to my denial.
But I won't make the same mistake again.

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