Light Bulb Jokes

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How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: None. --- It's all right. I'll sit in the dark and I won't bother anyone.

How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: None. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle makes it impossible

ruveyn

my mother was japanese and she would have said the same thing.



if you would deign to diagram this joke for us non-techy clueless types lurking here, that would be as funny as the joke would be to those in the know.
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"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." [woody allen]

How many new-agers does it take to change a lightbulb?

104.

One to change the bulb, 3 to start a workshop on changing your lightbulb, and 100 to share the experience!

light bulb jokes?
jokes made by light bulbs?

light bulb may say: "how many people does it take to change me?"
the answer may be "the whole world may try to change me but i will always be the same"

How many NT parents does it take, to change a light bulb?

None, because the light bulb will only change, when it wants to.

According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the more you know about a particle's exact location, the less you can know about its current behavior - direction, velocity, etc. And vice versa, of course - know its path and speed, and lose track of where it is on that path. So, once a physicist starts turning the lightbulb to remove it, he can no longer be certain of exactly where it is...

Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. The flavor of vermilion.

Q. How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Seven - one to change the bulb, and six to share the experience.

Q. How many Oregonians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Ten - one to change the bulb, and nine to fight off all the Californians trying to come and share the experience.

Last edited by DeaconBlues on 26 Apr 2010, 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Double post. Sorry.

Atheists and goths, I do not intend on offending you. This is all stereotypical humor.

How many Atheists does it take to change a bulb? One, but they still don't see the light.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? None because they would rather stay in the darkness.

Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, we always use candles!

Q: How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

little johnny joke


one day little johnny is in class and the teacher says were gonna learn about safty. now raise your hand if you know any safty tips.

little suzie raises her hand. never stick anything in a light socket

very good suzie, anyone else.

little johnny raises his hand and says always turn a light off before you eat it.

puzzled the teacher asks johnny about his tip. where did you hear that?

last night i heard my mother say turn the light out before you stick it in my mouth

I remember Compuserve having about 600 of these..

How many?

New Yorkers? - 50, yeah, it's in the contract...50
New Jersey? - 3, one to change the lightbulb, and 2 to bury the witnesses
Virginians? 3 - 1 to change the lightbulb, and 2 to complain how much better the old one was
Drummers? - none, they have machines that do that now
Lead guitarists? - 47; 1 to change the bulb, and 46 to complain how much better they would have done it
Surrealists? -2; 1 to walk the giraffe, and 1 to fill the bathtub with jello
Feminists? - That's not funny!...
I forget the other 592...

thank you for that explanation. i can tell my sense of humor loses steam shortly north of the 3 stooges.

How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a lightbulb?

None o' ya' f***in' business, ya f***in' nosy a**hole!


How many conspiracy theorists does it take?

Oh, sure, you'd like me to tell you, wouldn't you - so you can go inform your Secret Masters! WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?? WHO?!?!?

How many psychologist does it take to change a lightbulb?

ONE

But it has to be willing to change.



ha ha ha ha ha

Q: how many paranoid photophobics does it take to change a light globe?
A: one. they smash it with a sledge hammer and it is no longer a light globe.

How many Aspies does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer = 100

38 to redesign the new light-bulb.
15 to redesign the electricity distribution grid.
25 to argue the politics and religious implications of "seeing the light" in PPR.
11 to create a thread in the Random forum about collecting light bulbs.
10 to discuss whether the old bulb should be considered "different" rather than just broken.
5 to feel depressed about the change of light bulb and talk about it in the Haven.
4 to complain how long it is taking to change the bulb in the WP Discussion forum.
3 to make puns and bad jokes about light bulbs.
1 to start a news item about broken light bulbs in the current events forum.
1 to get fed up with how long it is taking and just go and put in a new bulb.
1 to point out that the above list doesn't tally up to 100 aspies.