What's on your mind right now?

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I'm thinking about that show Rick and Morty, during the episode with the psychic parasites that multiply using pleasant memories. It got me thinking about how those parasites are kind of like fake friends you sometimes get in real life. Like, they're like people who will only ever be polite to you and help you avoid unpleasant truths, but they don't actually care about you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FF9zRGL507o

Turns 80 today

Cravings gone haywire. Ate too many Hershey's nuggets and pb twix.

Thus far the people at my internship have been nice. But today a high school sophomore said at his internship, he was doing research for the company. What he was doing was not grunt work

Thus far I had to move chairs, tape boxes, sort nuts and bolts, remove plastic from metal

Haven't learned anything

Past two weeks, ate more than usual. Did not gain weight. Yet

Wondering if I need to go to the hospital yet again or if I should just go ahead and hurt myself, because absolutely nothing is helping this urge - ultimately it's going to end in one or the other But the hospital won't take me seriously if I don't actually have any wounds at the time and I don't have any intent to die, right? So should I bother going? Also wondering how long this dang cycle is going to keep going - I think I'm fine for a while, then I get a little urge to hurt myself, and the longer I resist it, the stronger it grows, and it's always the same no matter what I do.

Since that weird morning, I've been performing rather well.

Hmph.

Like it's going to last. It's just another week for me. This week just happened to be one of the lucky ones that put me in a more organized state.
I may or may not as well fluctuate into a more disorganized and incompetent state soonee or later.

Of course, I'm looking up on how to extend it. How to do this again. Just like last time.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Im a bit anxious right now. Im thinking about my very last year of school. Its terrifying for me. I am not graduating on time though. Im taking a 5th year. I can stay til Im 21.

Can't wait for the internship to end

Constantly paranoid about getting made redundant and that someone might give me a hard time about something

All it takes is one person

Sooner or later, it is bound to happen

Heart and brrain exhausted



Riffraff on the street had the nerve to call me a ",fa***t"

The current counselor (and almost all of the previous ones,) would have a field day

They are so dramatic

Homophobia spectrum

The most homophobic people kill LGBT people. Less homophobic people rape LGBT people. Less homophobic people say "fa***t". Less homophobic people say "that's hella gay"

It is not fair to lump all homophobic people in the second category





At this point, counseling might be hurting more than it is helping

The counselor keeps missing the point completely

She acts like she is so innocent morally

"Is helping people important to you?"

Wtf?

Important means "of great value" in the dictionary

Not everything with value is ",great value"

Besides what is "helping?"

All she does is sit around talking

"Actions speak louder than words"




Besides the counselor has no authority over the situation

She keeps sucking up to me

So I wonder what bad things she thinks about me



And I wonder what "miscommunications" the therapy notes
Contain





Maybe I ought to read the HIPAA booklet.


See about client right to inspect therapist notes

Because the insurance and the next therapist (s) will see her notes

Especially if I consent to 4elease notes

And if I don't consent, I have to repeat a lot of things I would rather not repeat

The next counselor will say "uh huh uh huh uh huh" and not believe me. Not receptive

Catching up here - I hope you guys are all doing okay!

On my mind right now: the embarrassment of never fitting in. Not being like other people, failing to behave in a normal sort of way. I try, I fail, I give up; I realize giving up isn't the answer, so I try again... Every time I gain a bit of wisdom though, so there's something to be said for that.

I'm glad there's a place where it's okay to struggle with these sorts of problems.

"Poorly written" seems to mean nothing at all.

Working feels satisfying in a way

Thus far everyone has been nice

Thus far

Not just staring at the computer

Doing tangible work

Some of it is boring and physically difficult

But the starting and ending points are clearly different





Systems, manufacturing, maintenance, sales, domestic, social, cognitive, industrial engineering

Could not fancy working 40 hr a week or more

And many jobs are worse than mine

Physically hard, construction labor

Academically hard, nuclear physicist

Socially awkward, waiter

Emotionally fragile, McDonald's

Work 100 hours a week, bankers

Work in hot and cold temperature, snow, mailman

Squeezing under houses, Carpenter


All I did yesterday was move a couple of boxes and sort a couple of nuts and bolts




Some people work two or more jobs

Military

Go to school and work

And raise a family

And take chemotherapy


And I feel exhausted after sometimes during work (fine)


But no medical diagnosis


Yet.







And it's not that far away







Fantasizing

Construction labor

Carpenter

Combat engineer

Physicist

Inventor

Think tank

Doctor Spock

Love

Liberal


Mister redelings













Move forward in "life"



Better to fail at moving forward, than succeed at moving backwards



"Life" is "As Good As it Gets,"






























"Disturbing,"



Nothing to do all day long

That when things seem unpleasant, that there are others whom have similar difficulties and have managed to get moving along the journey regardless, as well it's nice to see Ashariel again

A Geology instructor said he asked the students if they would rather be smart or rich. They answered rich. The instructor said smart.

He told me that over ten years ago

Yesterday it dawned on me that, which one you choose depends on the situation

For example, some countries have a social caste system. Someone born a peasant will not get promoted. Intelligence does not matter, in that situation




Someone smart could get brain damage

Someone rich could get burglarized

It appears that way too many precious lil "people" are materialistic

Some precious lil "people" act like intelligence is a moral value


Intelligence is just a random job skill . Just like, physical strength is just a random job skill






If you were rich you could hire a financial advisor



The other thing is, define "rich".

Define "smart".

Definitions matter. Otherwise two parties are talking about two different things







"I know you're smart" should not be a compliment. A 35 year old counselor told me that when I was 31. Totally condescending

Wanting a snack because I am now hungry.