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Job

Business

Accounting

Finance

Office

Data entry

Factory

Manufacturing

Warehouse

My entire body feels so weak. Like it won't contract. Lie down on the floor


Doing nothing with "life"

Today job interview. Data entry clerk. What the flying f**k s**t?


Punishment for not STEM





The world doesn't contain many psychiatric intake technician


Plenty of idiots qualify for that job

s**t


Hobby

Goal

Job


Half pigeon

Pirouette


Nothing to do all day long

Join military

Structural engineering


When I was 15 a qtip stuck in ear

Ringing


Hearing seems too good to be true


Aikido is not magic

I feel so happy... And I felt like a lot of weight was lifted.

All because tonight, I just suddenly stop speaking.

Of course I can still speak at will with this state.
But whenever I do, the heavy feeling is back. I can still speak straight and well with it, but it felt like a burden I've been carrying for so long.
It doesn't have to be an immediate need for speech, but more like 'speech as a passive like "have to"' itself, on standby ready to activate itself at any given moment. It is more of a feature on my system that's been running on the background and is consuming a lot of processing power.
It's no different from the other passive have to's -- expectations like 'be polite', 'be perfect' or 'conform' with several conditional constructs.

I felt way better at holding back things I want to say, than letting it out with spoken words. I'm much better at telling things without speaking.

While I already knew that words themselves and speech doesn't feel natural to me, I only sort of figured how to turn the 'passive have to' off...



Panic and anxiety before and after that? There isn't. Only less encumbrance and 'distraction' right after. I even felt less stress and even less frustration. Probably because spoken words aren't reliable to me to begin with, willpower or none...
More like I want this day to last, then end soon so I can do it again. I wanna confront my boss, bug my mom, do more stuff...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Volunteer Work

I wish someone would just say what everyone’s banner’s going to be but nobody does that because that would make spying really easy

I like taking songs and making them more local to me.

Irish history is basically just empire versus freedom

I have really vivid memories of the first time I heard this song

I’m pretty sure the first time we went to Paradise we sang Celtic Symphony and mum wasn’t a b***h about it

This documentary is going to get emotional

Right now, I’m learning everything I should have been learning while it was happening…

I hate narcissists

Good people are humble ones not loudmouth idiots

Left foot kickers are more cultured than right foot kickers

Football is about attack, attack, attack

Soppy things are boring

People were incredibly poor in my dad’s day

I hate being expected to do anything

People can tell I have shite banter

Never trust anyone who gives himself a nickname

My parents act like they don’t know things about me which everyone in the town knows

That dog does nothing but bark

My ex had these jeans I think

I wonder if people with pale skin are more likely to have skin cancer

I think I’ve read this guy’s chapter in the book

They can say what they want. My answer is, prove it.

I’m going to get stick for doing a 180 on Lennon

I hate money unless it’s in my wallet

My life would be easier if I was more of a grass...

Things I hate about aikido of Berkeley:

(Some inherent to social interaction or martial arts)

Some boys and men fail to wear undershirts. Gross view.

Long nails. f**k Jillian, but that boy is an instructor and I am not

Ricardo and Rolando act all buddy buddy and indulgent, . Cross examination, scrutiny, cia interrogation. Plenty of praise and compliments. But that shows their judgmental attitude



Will Letchworth penis abruptly says "what" instead of "excuse me". Like other lil bacteria.


Kayla feder b***h acts like she is the latest greatest thing since sliced bread.

No shoes in bathroom

Sometimes no soap or hand sanitizer


Nowhere to wipe hands after washing

Daveed fermin takes over half hour in the bathroom and I am reluctant to knock because idiots have told me off


Jamie boy pounds on the bathroom door


7 am class requires waking up at 5.

There are only men's and women's dressing room


Some moron let his prepubescent boy in the dressing room the entire hour class. Paranoid of theft


Sometimes too crowded

Night class, inconvenient to bus



Idiots talk too much and too loudly and there are too many of them


Cliques

Left out

father is relocating to tennessee soon. trying to avoid running, but cannot see being there, and there’s no way to stay here. also means starting school over.

A broken clock is right twice a day...

skool

Wretched Strangers by Thomas More.

Grant them removed, and grant that this your noise
Hath chid down all the majesty of England;
Imagine that you see the wretched strangers,
Their babies at their backs and their poor luggage,
Plodding to’th ports and coasts for transportation,
And that you sit as kings in your desires,
Authority quite silent by your brawl,
And you in ruff of your opinions clothed;
What had you got? I’ll tell you. You had taught
How insolence and strong hand should prevail,
How order should be quelled; and by this pattern
Not one of you should live an aged man,
For other ruffians, as their fancies wrought,
With self same hand, self reasons, and self right,
Would shark on you, and men like ravenous fishes
Would feed on one another.

^ That Wretched Strangers quote

Freedom versus oppression is one of the biggest debates and it becomes fairly abstract thinking broadly but still

An ex I shouldn’t have had called people I cared about names

This stupid guy on a documentary admitted his politics were just because he was being selfish

I love how Lenny refuses to call Sevco Rangers but knows he’s going to get in trouble for calling them Sevco so says the other lot or the opposition etc

‘I don’t want to talk about’ ‘ok but’… same topic…

I was in a café once and this woman looked at me and said ‘she doesn’t know what she’s talking about’

The British citizenship thing tells people that most British people are pro empire and that’s true in my hometown and probably secretly the last town I was in but nowhere nice I’ve been to

They should just make Michelle and Carla on Corrie bisexual they’re obsessed with each other

So much depends on this weekend, my life is basically tailored around these weekends

That gossip must have known exactly when it was that she was putting me off-guard and making me feel like she did

Best cola bottle I ever had was pick and mix ones from the little shop near my second house/first house I remember

People on corrie always become horrible after they lose someone

Sadness.
My mother left.
I don't like her, but I'm sad.
I think I'm confused.

Desmond is amazing

Numerous people have much worse problems than me. Some of them got over it. Maybe I have a biochemical disadvantage. Low serotonin.

But you can't measure it. At least, if you could, it's $$$$

No controlled experiment




Should not waste so much time and energy on the internet


Addiction

Makes me feel worse


But no school or job. One friend. If she dumps me, zero.


Hobby goal job


Friday night and as usual I ain't got s**t to do except play with the phone


Lab technician. Biochemical lab




That b***h cancelled a 2pm appt at 11:46. f**k that b***h


I am not always at a phone or computer


Nor should I have to be

If I cancelled like that, no reschedule

moving through life as best as I can, as well causing disturbances in the Force with changing my avatar here on Wrong Planet :lol:

J Koyanagi:8 things I have learned in 8 years of polyamory

A YouTube thumbnail which gets my attention.

It’s really ironic that who I said was cheating when I was about 10 wasn’t cheating and the others were

I know exactly what I’m considered in my home town

My neighbour hated that sticker on my window lol

Is it normal for trans people to be bi though?

I think mum thinks I’m deliberately playing masculine songs which is true but what I’m really doing is deliberately playing tough songs and songs that don’t remind me of the ex

Just going to assume all foreigners are Swedish

Why was that dirty rag at the 7-1 game?

In the early '10s, they liked to vary things by putting racism in sometimes

Damn I have good memories of the last real old firm match like really vivid

Thing about racists saying or singing racist stuff is it makes them look bad