What's on your mind right now?

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Another brief trip to the ER due to my sister and her boyfriend's motorcycle accident.

It's only been about less than 45 mins ago. Early morning, 1:45am.
Just woke up with my mom on the phone.

Went to the trip to the hospital. The hospital was just barren.

Injuries are minor. Mostly bruises and scratches. They have a couple friends with them.
After some arguing, x-rays and receiving prescriptions, we all went home.


You know what?
This is entirely different from my last trip to an incident of sorts.

No emotions, no weirdness... Nothing. Nothing to comment. Not even a rational remark on my mom's rant and their carelessness.
Even my awareness, it's like a tunnel like myopia. Narrow and lack of depth compared from last month...

My heart... It was closed off again. And my mind is less reliable than ever.

This is how my 'usual' reactions are. This is the reaction and observation I've been very accustomed to.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I no longer like Gone With the Wind because it's a historically inaccurate racist movie. In fact I don't like anything anymore, life has no meaning.

Entertainment back then was hammy and racist, and entertainment today is just... f**k.

Mum admitted that she was talking down to me but only because she was talking down to everyone lately as part of her job dealing with the general public.

I don't think that's a good way to talk to people.

She said "but lots of people are stupid and need to be spoken to like that"

I'm the autistic one here...

^^^ No one needs to be talked to "like that."

No movie is purely historically accurate.

It was made in 1939. Racial stereotyping was the norm then.

it was a technological tour de force.

Well... I like the bright colorful hoop skirts, and the fact that both Scarlett and Rhett were such awful people that they made the perfect Hollywood couple in a twisted kinda way.

It's entertaining when two narcissists hook up and their marriage ends in a messy divorce. "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn."

I use a wheelchair when at someplace that requires a lot of walking and or standing. Like an amusement park.

Last night ate extra nine and a half servings

Cold f**k

Don't know why

Nothing good or bad happened

Which is an extremely good thing

A temp.agency left a message about a job offer

The bus doesn't run that late

Have to drive

Don't want to drive

Besides, if crash, lose $$$

Package handler

Braindead

Neuropsychological evaluation two weeks later

Looking forward

"Life" is stupid

The penis keeps kicking me out of the bathroom

Even hearing it's footsteps makes me nervous

Pap smear scheduled three weeks

Suspect brain damage

Cory sometimes doesn't answer the email and when he does, just the most recent one

Neurotransmitter imbalance

And he asks questions that I have already answered

Then he pressures me to do s**t, volunteer and work and school

But nobody else will email

Pen pal

Brain rot

Graceful degradation

Gained weight last night

Intervention but only if someone that I like is doing it s**t

Every day is just sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop

Dr Butler told me it "stinks" (eczema, figuratively). It's weird because I didn't even say anything about eczema. Same thing every year and it comes and goes alone so whatever. When she was leaning toward me, thought she was looking at what I was writing down s**t. Too much sympathy. Made me wonder if I look so emotionally fragile. She could be correct, or close enough to correct in time or distance. But laying it on thick doesn't "help".


Extroverts are like that


It is constantly emotional rollercoaster

Everything is always getting better, worse, both or neither

Three out of four options are emotional rollercoaster s**t

Then if you don't overreact the way they want you to, especially about things , that they correctly or wrongly told you, you did wrong, idiots like Gina shepherd b***h from prisoners literature project had the nerve to tell me that "you didn't seem to care!".

"Care" to them means theatrical production


Extroverted world


Do not say "what " or "huh" to me, ass holes

I have been doing something new for me. In my work, during which my anxiety gets very high because there is so much to do and the things I do impact people's lives, I am now stopping periodically and looking at the time. Actually I've always done that part. The new part is to just note the passage of time and then let it go with a deep breath or two. The weird part is, it is actually working.

Side note, when I started doing this, it actually increased my anxiety because I was worried that if I was sufficiently anxious about getting things done, I wouldn't be able to do it. So the anxiety was increasing, but I kept at it, and now the anxiety is decreasing and I am enjoying my work and my life more.

in the army and in civil service, whenever the anxiety would reach a certain level, i'd get down on the floor and do pushups.