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kitesandtrainsandcats
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29 Nov 2020, 9:29 pm

What's on my mind right now?
Things I'd like to be doing but my defective body says, "Nope. Nope. Nope."
:|


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dragonsanddemons
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29 Nov 2020, 9:39 pm

Apparently now I’m not allowed to note that something hurts or is at all unusual unless it’s alarming :roll: I only mentioned the red streaks that showed up under my thumbnail (along with pain) because I have no clue how nail infections work and didn’t know if that might mean I’m getting one and might need antibiotics or something, I don’t think telling me to keep things to myself was called for. Maybe I should start noting every single time something is the slightest bit out of the ordinary to show that no, I’m really not doing that at all right now.

I strongly suspect, based on many similar incidents to this, that something about me is inherently annoying, so that any time I speak is an annoyance. Maybe I need to try to change my voice somehow or something, is that it? It happens right up front, too. Something certainly seems to scream to everyone right off the bat that I make big deals of little things, because even the first time I’d talk to a nurse at the student health center in college, they’d act like they thought I was exaggerating or just making up a problem.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

I have increasing memory issues, and a tendency to forget that I forget everything. Please don't take it personally if I forget something, it probably says absolutely nothing about how important the thing is/isn’t to me.


dragonsanddemons
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29 Nov 2020, 11:23 pm

My mom is very vocal about her dislike of the movie Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, because of how everyone treats Rudolph. I, on the other hand, can really relate to Rudolph. Clearly one of us is a misfit and the other isn’t.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

I have increasing memory issues, and a tendency to forget that I forget everything. Please don't take it personally if I forget something, it probably says absolutely nothing about how important the thing is/isn’t to me.


AuroraBorealisGazer
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29 Nov 2020, 11:59 pm

Trying to decide if I should get nice slippers while they're still on sale.... It's a splurge, but our floors are so cold and I can feel them even with my thickest socks.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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30 Nov 2020, 1:03 am

I did it, I splurged 8O .



Pepe
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30 Nov 2020, 4:29 am

BOOBS! 8O


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


Edna3362
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30 Nov 2020, 5:28 am

... Would do it again.


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Dear_one
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30 Nov 2020, 6:01 am

I just stopped watching 3 educational videos in a row because they were playing mind-tricking electronic music in the background to make it seem interesting. Also, the introductions were awfully tedious when I was curious about the title's feature.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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30 Nov 2020, 12:24 pm

[maximum sarcasm]

I'm so glad that my employer doesn't provide long or short term disability coverage :roll: .

Having to switch to worse healthcare coverage for more money per month is super great. So glad our health insurance is tied to our employer. I'm certainly not stressed at all.

[/maximum sarcasm]



Steve1963
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30 Nov 2020, 12:44 pm

^ that really sucks. sorry to hear it. :( I know first hand how important short term insurance is.



AquaineBay
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30 Nov 2020, 2:19 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Apparently now I’m not allowed to note that something hurts or is at all unusual unless it’s alarming :roll: I only mentioned the red streaks that showed up under my thumbnail (along with pain) because I have no clue how nail infections work and didn’t know if that might mean I’m getting one and might need antibiotics or something, I don’t think telling me to keep things to myself was called for. Maybe I should start noting every single time something is the slightest bit out of the ordinary to show that no, I’m really not doing that at all right now.

I strongly suspect, based on many similar incidents to this, that something about me is inherently annoying, so that any time I speak is an annoyance. Maybe I need to try to change my voice somehow or something, is that it? It happens right up front, too. Something certainly seems to scream to everyone right off the bat that I make big deals of little things, because even the first time I’d talk to a nurse at the student health center in college, they’d act like they thought I was exaggerating or just making up a problem.


My mother and I would understand this completely. Doctors and nurses have always thought we exaggerated stuff cause we weren't screaming or hunched over in pain or panicking like crazy. I am sorry your family(I assume) don't believe your pain and worry which is odd considering you being a cancer patient many different things can happen that are unusual...



Edna3362
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30 Nov 2020, 2:39 pm

Cannot sleep.
Again.


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nick007
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30 Nov 2020, 3:08 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
[maximum sarcasm]

I'm so glad that my employer doesn't provide long or short term disability coverage :roll: .

Having to switch to worse healthcare coverage for more money per month is super great. So glad our health insurance is tied to our employer. I'm certainly not stressed at all.

[/maximum sarcasm]
Health insurance can really s#ck at least here in the US anyways. When I was on SSI & not working, half of my SSI went towards my health care. I had Medicaid but no doc in my area would accept it cuz it did not pay them enough so I had to have private health insurance that had copays, deductables, & did not cover mental. I was able to get health insurance through work after I was at my 2nd job for a year & that insurance was slightly better but that job forced me out after I was there two years. I was able to keep that health insurance for a year & a half after but I had to pay the full cost which was half my SSI check. That's rite, half of my full SSI check was being spent just on my health insurance alone. Then I still had copays, deductables, & I had to pay to see my psychiatrist. I had nothing left & I had my parents(especially mom) b!tching about how I was not contributing to the household cuz I was selfish & too lazy to get a job. I was applying for most any job I thought I might could do & get to but I was not getting interviews. I was also trying to get some of my problems & issues treated so I would be a tad more capable so I would not have to limit my job search quite as much. I was not able to get private health insurance due to me having too many preexisting conditions. That was before Obamacare. Thankfully I live in Vermont now & have Medicare & Medicaid(I'm on Social Security Disability now instead of SSI) & the docs & health centers here accept both Medicare & Medicaid.


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Caesar
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30 Nov 2020, 7:38 pm

I'm pretty sure I'm repeating myself at the this point as I have said it before, but attending (online) college in these circumstances is just not for me. Now I know that I am not alone in this and we're in this unfortunate situation together. I wish that we could just pause the world, take a break from it all and let the whole thing fly over, but that's simply not possible as the world has to keep spinning for some reason.

Regardless, I personally have trouble working with these conditions on my college work. I'm paying tuition to have online video chats with tutors twice a week and everything at college itself is limited right now; The rental, working at stations, scheduling classes. I have barely been to college and working from home just made me super lazy. I am seriously considering taking a gap year after my resit.

I actually had been considering that before, but for some reason I was always worried what the people close to me would think when I would do that, I was worried about coming off as "weak" for some reason. Even though I am completely aware that I can be weak and quit if necessary. Besides my best friend, parents, and my counselor from theatre school, I haven't really been fragile to anyone as I find it difficult to develop close intimate connections with others.

But I have finally gotten to a point in my life where I am finally starting to focus on myself more and worry less what others will think of me.

I'm not sure what I would be doing during my gap year, though. I would look for work and also consider moving to Berlin or something like that, but traveling right now is a bad idea.



blazingstar
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30 Nov 2020, 8:55 pm

Bunions.


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Edna3362
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30 Nov 2020, 9:06 pm

Another time home alone. :lol:


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