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It's mad when you think you know you've posted something but you didn't

Hi

Well it turned out that I forgot to press send

It's nice to see you man

Aw that's nice

41. lately, bowel movements been feeling like heart attacks, childbirth, or death. (not that i have done any of them before.)

terrified of bowel movements getting much worse. medical bills, physical pain. as a result of medical conditions or medical procedures, i won't be able to do manual labor. about one out of three jobs in restaurant/retail/sales, require lifting fifty pounds.

nothing seems to matter.

sometimes i am too scared to stand up for myself. "pick your battles" is a good advice, but some precious lil "people" have the nerve to pick ALL the battles. meanwhile i fail to pick battles that i "should" have picked and later regret it.

doesn't sit well with me

hip opener

Classic cars and other stuff.

I walked out on my mother in hospital over 24 hours ago, without saying goodbye or meeting her needs. She hasn't phoned me or anything because she doesn't have a phone there. Maybe she wouldn't have phoned me regardless.

I'm wondering what I'm supposed to do next, like do I just go back and subject myself to more abuse? I feel like I have to, especially if there's going to be an investigation on the family dynamic by social services. (I'm not in trouble, it's her and others.) I'm still her legal caregiver and medical decision-maker.

I know she won't mention it because she would need to admit her own wrongdoing, and I know I'm not going to apologize since I'm mute and didn't do anything wrong in the first place.

Maybe I'll just catch a flight to Bora Bora and be done with it all.

I flushed a mouse down the toilet today. He was in my waste basket.

What if there was a club for people who didn't drink?

TX2 and Johnnie Guilbert.
I'd love to see them naked.

Date night

I had a paper cut this afternoon.
It was my very first time I ever had a paper cut or injured bad enough in any way while being in any mall.

It's just on the near tip of my left middle finger. And it was bleeding a lot.

By a lot, I meant soaked through 2 bandages. If I wasn't so focused at finishing errands in a middle of a day job, I'll go elsewhere and watch the blood flow more and more blood out of that cut until it stopped...

... The night before then, I had incidentally taken aspirin. That must be why.


Still.


Yes, I'm that gross.
But that's nothing to what nasal nuisance I've been dealing on a near daily basis for most of my life.

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Still contemplating about buying a new phone even if it's in the next 4 months.

Option 1 - Get the most certain future proofing specs that I could possibly afford on the upper limits of my budget, with an enabled possible future modding.
No need for optimization but it is possible. But it could be a bit more fragile than my current phone...

The alternative is risk buying from a dubious online shop for a fraction of a price.
Who knows? I might get lucky and away with it.

Option 2 - Stay within the brand, and just get an upgrade. Forget future modding and possibilities of optimization.
Play it safe. No need on going to a bigger change. Just plain upgrade within the budget.

Another alternative is, well, not buy a new phone. Forget it. I'll just keep all my money.
Not letting go of my current one until it actually gave out on me, which it never did warranted any repairs at all for the past 4 years now.
So -- why not in the next, or 2, another 4, or heck, 8 or so years?

Option 3 - Give up the upgrades and heightened specs, go full on optimization and possible work of modding instead.
And save a lot of money (like spend by half). Also give up on a lot of screen time.

The last alternative is... Keep my money.
And then bug one of my relatives to give away or trade mine for a second hand phone they're trying to sell or replace to toy with.
My mom has one. My grand uncle has one. One of my aunts can. Get a second phone that I will modify into full on optimized; restore to factory settings, rooted, unlocked bootloader, flash a lighter OS, de-bloated as much as possible, and then some.


There.
I have 6 possible choices to mumble about in the next 4 months.

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