What's on your mind right now?

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I had a stupid meltdown today. I had a meltdown over a male South Asian handydart driver phoning me 5 times in two minutes and his business number showing up on my phone instead of the handydart number.

I feel like Schultz every time I have a meltdown.

I tried to harden my gingerbread heart with strong, black coffee with Stevia. I still feel like a delicate black, red and yellow flower.

I'm kind of in a cross roads in life. I have no fixation going on in my head, and usually when that happens I watch the TV or YouTube, I've given them both up. Due to not liking the current state of the entertainment industry (I've written essays about this personally).

I feel like it was that activity that was the glue holding me together between fixations. I could probably do with a hobby but I'm not very good at seeking them out. They just kinda come to me, or at least used to come to me.

I can partly relate. I've been through a few times of having no obsessional project on the go, and I get filled with what the French call ennuie. Nearest English translation is "bored and annoyed." Life sucks without something fascinating in it.

But I find watching TV (or more accurately, video files) is only a relief between project sessions when I don't have to watch it alone. I do watch it alone when there's nothing else for it, but it feels lonely and if it goes on too long I get kind of miserable. It's a bit different if the content is really good, but it always seems better when I share it with somebody else.

I long for special interests than dysregulation induced hyperfixations.

I'd rather have no dysregulation induced hyperfixations. It gives me inner space, more agency, feels rather peaceful (because this person I live as is loud in the inside) and just do what I need or want to do at the moment other than just stare and do nothing.

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Hm.

Said guy I've been bugging to compare auditory perception with; is a huge serial online flirt.

Calls me Ate...
... He's few months older than me.
He probably knew better than to mess with me. Because of my mom and possibly because of his sister.

But gosh, IDK if he's aware that I'm looking at his laptop right now as he's chatting online, with his friend sitting next to him.
He pervs-flirt with, like, 5 different female usernames (so far I count) and brags them with his friend who's also present. Even mentioned they did cam times.

Honestly, it's more or less nostalgic looking back reminded me of old online friends, but...
We're in a heatwave high noon, sitting at the same spot since 5AM. I just think it weird.

On election day, in a middle of a volunteering duty time, no less. Hilariously weird.

Then a crowd of people next to me on the other side of my seat, not anymore a meter away, aren't aware of this. And is not seeing it. And said old classmate of mine that I couldn't remember well isn't even trying to hide all of it.

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... Before the age 24 or so, I had a serious overbite as a kid and teen.

Bad enough that my front teeth occasionally shows and refuses to stay in my mouth when it's closed.

Because of that, it's permanently removed and replaced.

... It was also the cause of a 10+ year long literally chronic headache.

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^ I try to find the comedy in this but I can't. That's really creepy. I hope it goes without mentioning most guys don't do this

Edit:above the last post

I find it funny because it's utterly out of place, compared to the proximity of the situation.

Because we're in a very socially volatile time and place, because it's the elections here where I'm now and there's (possibly literal) bloody politics and we're basically too close and surrounded by it, on top of a heatwave.

Serious enough of an out of place that I won't be surprised if someone calls the police over something slightly suspicious or any emergency services.


I do wonder if his siblings knew about his habit. If his mom knew. Hm.

In my own case, this just doesn't surprise me.
I think it's one of those nonserious types who just flirts with multiple people for the fun of it. The most of the female usernames replied and reciprocated.

Found nothing morally questionable.

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I'm sorry i missread your post. I thought it was him with 5 female usernames possiibly baiting other guys
Carry on

3PM; heatwave is getting weaker. Winds are no longer hot.

If it keeps going, it'll be cool enough to relax a bit at 4PM.

However...

... A serious heat usually follows a serious sudden cold winds and rainshower.


Just...
4 hrs to go. Time kinda flies today for me.

It is strange that I don't feel the usual discomfort and moodiness that I've experienced for so long as I could recall existing.


If I were my old self, I'd probably remain very bitter all day long, enduring, utterly stressed, downtrodden heavy.

Instead of... This mild bored. It feels like a slow day despite of what's going on around me, and sleep deprivation.

My body is somewhat stressed. But that's my sensory system. This is still an open road with crowds on heatwave. Or on heavy self distraction and struggle to shift gears.

Anything else is... Peaceful. It's not that this duty is as stressful as this setting so serious.

Just that my auditory processing is annoying.

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It's funny to me how a trades person paid by the hour isn't rewarded for mastering their skill. In fact the biggest monetary reward is how long they can stretch out a job before someone notices.

Why are people wearing hats and coats in this heat

I've still got my wooly hat and fleece on. It's 21.2c in my living room.

Seriously mate
Are you cold