What's on your mind right now?

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I'm very eager for three things.

1. For my brother (who's recovering from a ruptured appendix) to feel better

2. For the pandemic to be over

3. For my strength to return

The last two, so I can see about maybe getting some help with getting a job of some sort, even though it would probably be something very menial and/or just something no one else wants to do (after my attempts to get even those kind of jobs, I've pretty much accepted that that's what I'm going to get, if even that), and hopefully make some progress toward living at least semi-independently. I'm very, very tired of just sitting around at home doing nothing. I still don't really feel like a cancer patient, I feel like I should be doing something.

When is River City back? I have seen this episode. And I remember it word for word.

apocalyptic fictions show our collapse as a kind of liberation. you become a nomad, you find a group of people and form a community with them, you kill zombies, you drive kick-ass custom cars across the desert, you take drugs, etc. (i think of mad max, for example)

but in real life, real collapse, what we are experiencing at this moment, is different. you still have to go to work, you still have to commute, you're still alone. life goes on. i think the film that best represents this realistic collapse is the film children of men.

f**k

If I'm easily scared...

I'd be already living in fear way before the pandemic starts. I'd likely fallen very low if I'm.
I'd likely have all the catastrophic thoughts of dying earlier simply because of this life long nuisance.


I'm very, very annoyed and discomfortable with breathing right now.
At the same time, I don't wanna scare the hell out of anyone because this is normal.

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50 yrs since Jimi Hendrix died

Crazy suggestion from my mom and sister; get a rich boyfriend, have a match and charm my way to it.

Wow. Just wow.
If my mood and energy were consistent, that would be a novel attempt and experience... But it's not.

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Wrong Planet is Hotel California which is why I am going to try to never make an 'I'm leaving' post again.

You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave...

OH, WHAT A FEELING!


TOYOTA!

There are only 3 types of people I ever talked about autism and my own case with;

Professionals; namely my SPED teacher, my diagnostician and relevant associates.

Fellow NDs; which includes this forum's majority.

And those who would've like to know; that consists of few curious acquaintances.


Otherwise; they don't need to know.

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I talk about it with anyone who needs to know (some don't listen anyway, like my dad ignores me when I say certain TV shows are inaccessible with my eyes and asks every single year if I'm watching them).

Which includes:
NDs who agree with me that my personality's not a disability, have similar personalities and want to discuss psychology/how we see the world
My family
My Dr
Certain other people like theatres. I ask if they have bright lights. Mum said to lie to them and say I'm epileptic as they can handle having someone having 3 day migraines (not their problem) but not someone having a fit...

It annoys me how much mum brings it up. Whenever she hears something on the radio or if she's working with an autistic kid she feels the need to tell me. I'm not interested in it. She doesn't do it with LGBT stuff which interests me more, cos she's afraid of trans issues.
*
All the characters in lion king are animals from Africa and Scar killed Simba's dad (I can't remember his name) so he could 'shack up with' (this isn't adult forum so I won't say another word beginning with 's') all the lionesses... (and have power but in order to have power he had to have a load of his own cubs and kill off Simba).

It feels awkward whenever my family tries to talk about disabilities to me.
More awkward if it's something to do with me.

Except on someone else's need to know basis...
It's the only part that never bothered me. Less so if it's someone I would've like to meet.


Lights... Hmm..
I've been ignoring mine for most of my life, until recently.
Because I react to pain and overwhelm differently, and happened to get by the whole time.


I've long gave up about everyone I knew my whole life that never seem to listen about what I don't like.
So I'd just keep declining or keep saying no...

Unless I dare myself to do it or take it.
Or someone dares me not to say no. Which can be subverted if it's a teasing dare, whenever either not in a mood or it's funnier to say no.

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My mum's a TOD now and worked in SEN all her life so she knows a lot about disability but only with kids. And she's dyslexic and deaf herself. She says 'deaf' as she was hearing before. I think that's fair (plus it's up to anyone how they choose to identify - deaf/Deaf/hard of hearing, same as with aspeger's/autism/ND).

I wonder how long I can get away with saying 'does anyone want a non-coffee hot drink' for I can with my family, they know I'm being nice without wanting the stink of coffee on my hands/stuff/around me. They just say no anyway so I hope they remember that I do ask and to ask me when they're making themselves a hot drink.

I always ask theatres and businesses about lights cos strong lighting/flashing lighting is a business/performance decision and it gives me a migraine for 3 days. More and more these days, they're becoming aware of it and making autism friendly/photosensitivity performances at a set time with 'natural' lighting (pedantically it's not sunlight but it's just like the light you would normally have in a room instead of over lit or flashing lights).

I do not know any of my relatives with... 'Disability Identities'. Or at least I never met one.

I don't typically asked a person with the same repeatedly knowing they'd say 'no'... Not even to family, and not even to casual stuff.
Unless I'm really bored or just in a mood to simply do something.
Still, I tend to be at the end of said questions than not.

In the matter over lights...
It seems mine is a bit inconsistent.
There are times I tend to look down or just squint while I walk. Never tried to track why.
My head seem to be more focused with navigating the spaces and moving myself than sight or vision itself, while a good half of said head tends to wildly daydream or focus too much.

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maybe a system with a load-bearing 87 year old who was in the hospital every other day for the past year is a s**t system

Was she or he heavy?