What's on your mind right now?
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
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https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Thanks. Only one person can go in at a time. There's a big table blocking the waiting room, a few metres from the reception desk, for social distancing. People pay at the table on their way out so they don't go near the receptionist.
I paid with the Square thing and then all of a sudden the receptionist was on the other side of the table offering me the pink stick. I think it was in a cup so that she didn't touch it, but I can't remember. I was so surprised to see her standing there that I just took the thing and assumed it was a pen.
I'll pay more attention when I go again this week. If it seems like something I was supposed to return, I'll clean it with a disinfectant wipe and put it on the table.
Seems I can't win for losing.
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dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
Went to social skills group for the first time in a long while yesterday, and I was the only one there without some sort of job. Made introduction kind of awkward when everyone else mentioned their job, and other things they were working toward (school, getting an apartment, etc.), and all I could say was “Hi, I’m dragonsanddemons,” and then at the pause waiting for me to continue, “Um, I don’t have a job or anything. I don’t really have anything else to share.” Harsh reminder of how much more functional, at least, everyone else is than me. I was just starting to accept the fact that I’m unlikely to ever really make anything resembling forward progress in any way from where I am… and I’m not going to keep making progress even toward that when I’m reminded of how far behind I am of people who are years younger than me (and also autistic) (I’m also the oldest attendee, I don’t really count as a “young adult” anymore). But I feel kind of forced into attending.
And then thinking about that stuff, I realize that there isn’t really any point in trying to even move out if I’m not going to be able to earn money to pay for it. It would just add rent to the expenses my parents have for me. They’ve been a lot more comfortable with the possibility (which has become a probability) that I’m going to keep living with them my whole life than I have. Completely pointless if I still can’t really live on my own anyway, and would need to find some sort of assistance there, too (any kind of “assisted living” sort of thing I’ve found either isn’t suited for me or I’m not quite disabled enough to qualify for monetary assistance of some sort that they factor in to the prices). I guess I really just couldn’t quite let go of the feeling that getting my own place is something that is expected of an adult, even knowing that the other “markers” of adulthood aren’t going to happen for me. One last vestige of trying to work toward any sort of “normal” life, I guess. Probably about time I give that up, too.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
A few regarding to the seedling; would it go on to become a sapling? Sure it's cool season now but until like January.
And the summer in this particular city is usually the worst around the region. Maybe more.
To cope, it'll had to go indoors or in a decent shade -- but that's also still too warm and this particular house doesn't have the ideal positioning.
And the fridge??? There's no air or light in the fridge.
Then when the sapling goes on to become a tree... Where would I settle it? A young tree would go on a huge pot but...
Hm.
I'm thinking this way too far ahead.
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cyclist_Netherlands
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 15 Jul 2021
Age: 49
Posts: 27
Location: Groningen, The Netherlands
And then thinking about that stuff, I realize that there isn’t really any point in trying to even move out if I’m not going to be able to earn money to pay for it. It would just add rent to the expenses my parents have for me. They’ve been a lot more comfortable with the possibility (which has become a probability) that I’m going to keep living with them my whole life than I have. Completely pointless if I still can’t really live on my own anyway, and would need to find some sort of assistance there, too (any kind of “assisted living” sort of thing I’ve found either isn’t suited for me or I’m not quite disabled enough to qualify for monetary assistance of some sort that they factor in to the prices). I guess I really just couldn’t quite let go of the feeling that getting my own place is something that is expected of an adult, even knowing that the other “markers” of adulthood aren’t going to happen for me. One last vestige of trying to work toward any sort of “normal” life, I guess. Probably about time I give that up, too.
I hope that you can feel better about yourself somehow. Comparing yourself with other people is something everyone does even the most succesful people. Although i do understand how frustrating it must be that even in a social skills group you are the odd one out.
Being alone always makes me feel a lot better about myself as opposed to being with People because i always end up comparing myself too. But being alone for too long is also bad for mental health so it is best to find a sort of balance.
She has bought a new home and I will be visiting it for the first time.
And about my bodyweight which has not decreased altough I have been cycling about 260km in the last four days.
Instead it increased from 88kg to almost 89kg
It’s pretty normal for this to happen if you were planning to convert body fat to muscle. Muscle usually weighs more than fat. It would initially increase for a while but will eventually decrease.
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Was I supposed to use it and give it back? Are they expensive?
It's not expensive. They probably got a bunch of them for a few dollars.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/324606448572
You could call them and explain but unless they are without one now, it's not worth returning it.
Took me a whole lot of frustration today but I set up a paypal account, so that's nice. Turns out it is pretty easy to use, and consequently I've already spent more money than I probably should have, but whatever.
I really need a break from work. Requested a holiday and hopefully I'll manage to reset my brain then.
My depression has taken away most of my appetite and I haven't been eating well for a few months. Bad because it's not super healthy, but it's nice not to feel pressured into eating all the time, so, silver linings.
Weird moments when I feel like going to text to speech instead of just reading it.
And the opposite -- audio to text. Both accounts on random.
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It takes way too much energy to come up with the slightest statement. Good thing I am just a lot attendant, not cashier. When work makes my worthless corpse redundant, not much occupational prospects.
Unemployable
Aphasia
Vocal cord damage
Cost of goods sold
Just today, two customers offered tips and I had to tell them tips not allowed by company. One woman was like "why?" . And I was like "it doesn't matter why. It's just not allowed.". "Huh? But do they have to know?"
Annoying. If I got made redundant for taking a tip, maybe nobody will ever hire my worthless corpse again. But even if they did, it would take one year easily. And jobs that will hire me, are jobs not many people want.
Annoying how lil dipshits have the nerve to insist I explain every slightest thing.
They need to just accept it
There are some things, not enough information to determine the answer
Or it doesn't matter why. "At will " employer
All things equal, good intentions better than bad intentions, but that doesn't justify their actions or statements
Good intentions
Sometimes when you try to "help", you make the situation even worse than it otherwise would have been if you were not to have tried to intervene
Same as "how are you doing?"
Dichotomous thinking
Hungry at work
Didn't grocery store yesterday
Have to completely overhaul diet
Exhausted all the f*****g time and options
Surprised I haven't gotten fired yet s**t