People talking behind your back...

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Lets face the facts, you hear of people talking behind other's backs all the time. So if you have lots of friends/acquaintances, there is a good chance that you are the topic of discussion when you're not around.

I was just thinking, because of the reality that I've described above, I actually don't mind that much if people talk behind my back. Also, think of it this way...at least they are not willing to say it in front of your face so that you won't have to bear the pain of being there when the negative statements are said. Also, I go by the perception of "if I don't hear about it, I don't really care what goes on behind my back".

I don't know, what do you think?

To end off, I don't think people talk behind my back often since I don't have much close friends anyway. You wouldn't talk about a stranger or someone you don't know well.

i think its wrong and not many people know hoew to deal with it including me, some get bitchy and wound up others like me do naught just dislike the person

I don't care. I think people like to play the victim when they find out they got talked about for things they did wrong because they don't want to take responsibility over their actions. They don't even want to make things right. If they don't want to make things right or want to take responsibility, why get upset? That I don't get. I was told it has to do with emotions getting in the way, people projecting their feelings, people not being able to handle the truth about themselves or the criticism.

I am sure I get talked about all the time and I don't really care. People gotta vent you know. People can talk about other people over silly things they do or what happened between them. How many of us haven't done it to our bullies, coming home and talking about how we got picked on at school? Or coming home and talking about work issues you have with your boss or co worker? Or talking about issues people have with one person because that person is hard to be with and lot of people can't stand that person. I have seen it in my family and on forums where people talk about their families or bullies or whoever.

I'm constantly paranoid about people talking about me behind my back.

Lots of people talk about me behind my back because they don't know me - they may not even know my name but they apparently know that I'm anti-social, a b*tch, ignorant, etc. - this seems to be common amongst NT's, they don't know anything about you so they make things up. This I don't mind, if anything it amuses me because it tells me more about them than talking to me would tell them about me.

I grew up seeing my mothers friendships, something about my mother seems to attract some horrible people, the women in my mothers social groups all eventually end-up bad-mouthing her, just suddenly turning on her with the most horrible lies...it makes me very paranoid about friendships, particularly with other women. To me it seems very common for NT's to bad-mouth each other behind each others backs, if they don't know the person they'll make-up things based on assumptions, if they know the person they seem to be more mean.

I do worry about friends talking behind my back, they don't know I'm aspie so may take some of my actions the wrong way and it's them saying things that aren't true or coming to the wrong conclusions that bothers me. I'm also constantly paranoid that my friends aren't really friends, so maybe when I'm not around they talk about me like I'm some hanger on, even though I know I'm not.

BUT, I couldn't handle people telling me these things to my face, I can't stand confrontation, I'm über defensive at the best of times, so if I get confronted with people criticising me to my face I'd have a major meltdown and no longer be able to stay friends with them. I guess it's the whole thing of if you had a super-power mind-reading would REALLY not be one you want, even people who love you unconditionally will think badly of you at some point...it's not worth feeling bad about something that's not really meant.

I could care less what they say, as long as I don't hear any of it.

It's when people do it when you are around that it bothers me.
There are some people who do it in such a way that they make sure you hear snippets of their criticisms, just to try to wind you up. More often than not, they are filling in the gaps you've left behind to make up their own 'reality' of who you are, what you think etc.
If they haven't got the guts to speak to me directly but do what I've just described, then it does really bother me (and I know it shouldn't!).
Not being given the option to defend myself, explain myself or discuss with people what their problem is with me, I think is really unfair.

I'm guilty of talking about people behind their backs, but it's usually with someone who doesn't know the other person and I'm trying to make sense of their actions (I'm not saying I'm a saint, far from it!). I don't like taking part in any 'group' character assasinations, I just don't really understand the point of it.

The thing is that talking behind someone's back is mostly an adult thing. Adults act "mature" so they need to behave properly when the person is around but kids just do it even when the person is around and so thats how bullying and fighting starts. Therefore, its actually a good thing that people talk negative things about you when you are not around to avoid confrontation. However, if the person somehow finds out, relationship issues could potentially occur.

I'm not saying that only kids confront the person face-to-face. I believe that sometimes we need to confront the person in order to tell them what we believe is wrong or destructive things going on in a person's life. However, adults need to do it in a more mature manner, being careful not to inflame tensions.

I don't really care what people say about me behind my back as long as I don't hear it.

I think it is very wrong to say things about someone when they are not there to defend themselves; therefore, I try very hardly to not say offensive things about people when they are not in my presence.
On the contrary, I do not mind people speaking of me "behind my back". They obviously do not have the guts to say it to my face, as jc6chan stated in his original post, so I don't care. They're weak and I want nothing to do with them.

I think its fine that you are talked about when you're not there as long as its nothing "insulting" or people making jokes about someone else. Even if it is something negative, as long as the conversation keeps in a somewhat serious tone then its fine. Like there is nothing wrong with talking to a psychiatrist about your family and what you think they are doing wrong even though your family may not be in the room listening.

Also, celebrities would definitely not mind people talking behind their backs, its expected when the whole world knows about you.

I despise it. Though I do do it myself....but never about people who should be under the impression that I like them....except my family cause well....things have to be kept civil there.

I experienced so much of this garbage from grade 3 onwards. I never made any effort to bother anybody, I actually was afraid of being approached in general. The one person I thought was a good friend (because we shared intellectual interests, though he was not one with AS) totally betrayed me and spent years doing his best to alienate me from everyone. I still don't even know why. Doesn't matter really because I kicked his a** several times, and the most satisfactory time was when I beat him and his crony up simultaneously. Nowadays I don't care much what people think of me. Lately I think people are talking s**t about how I am absentee as hell from most social events and blaming it on my girlfriend for 'taking all my time'. Ironic because those people who b***h and whine that I'm not around have talked behind my back before and it is because of them entirely that I ditched that old clique

There nothing I can do about People talking about me anyway.
I can see some positives about talking about someone behind
their backs. Say you could be very concerned about said person
and you don't want to confront them and you need advice in how to
deal with situation in able to help them.

One time I was walking around my university campus and behind me these two girls were snarkily talking about me LITERALLY behind my back..."OH that's her, shhh...well you know she.."
it felt horrible.

I don't really care about people talking about me behind my back... unless... they are actually talking about me literally just behind my back in a rude manner so that I hear it intentionally. I find that very rude and a bit hurtful .