Make an extremely dark joke.

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What does old lady p**** smell like?

Depends

Life in the Soviet Union was grim and austere, with its gray buildings, horrible hospitals and restrictive, totalitarian government. As late as the 1980s, this was so. The only people with a radiant glow were the residents of Chernobyl in the Ukraine.

Not a dark joke so much as a blatant truth:

I don't mind MSG in Chinese meals, but if you put DOG or CAT in them, I'm closing you down!

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man floating in a shark tank?
A: Chum.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man hanging from a hook on the wall?
A: Art.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man lying in front of the door?
A: Matt.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man lying down on a diamond?
A: Third Base.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man wearing an explosive vest?
A: Sir.

Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
A: Eileen.

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs who can play Mozart's Piano Sonata No.11
A: Clever Dick

People taste like pigs...so why not eat people instead of pork?

I think they taste more like cows

Q: What do you call a cow missing two legs on one side?
A: Lean beef.

Q: What do you call a cow that has has had her calf taken from her?
A: Decalfeinated.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man hiding in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless, tongueless man hanging hanging from a hook on the wall?
A: Tasteless Art.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man in a pot on the stove?
A: Stu.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man hiding in the mailbox?
A: Bill.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man hiding in a car's trunk (or boot)?
A: Jack.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man lying at the bottom of a gully?
A: Rocky.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man lying in a field of marijuana?
A: Bud.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man sitting on top of a podium?
A: Mike.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man water-skiing?
A: Skip.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless woman rolling around on the beach?
A: Sandy.

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man in a hole in the ground?
A: Phil

Q: What do you call an armless, legless man trying to hold-up a bank?
A: Rob

Why did the chicken cross the wall...

I was at the local supermarket earlier today and picked up a box of Mr Kipling Snowflake mince pies. At the till, the cashier did an age verification check and told me I was too old to buy them...





Not very 'dark' at all really, but you never know these days.

(Nobody outside Scotland/who doesn't like football will probably get this but whatever, I found this lurking a Hun site and can't post it on a Celtic one and I'm not joining a Hun site)

St Patrick's Boys' Club is an anagram of Past Boys' Club Tricks...

(For those of you in Scotland that like football who still don't get it apparently the old Celtic Boys' Club is going to be renamed St Patrick's Boys' Club)

Speaking of anagrams, Mother in Law anagrams into Woman Hitler.

^
so that's the reason for all the mother in law jokes!




What gift did the kid with no hands get for his birthday?
No idea. He hasn’t figured out how to open it yet.


I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”


A guy walks with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”


Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
There was a face off in the corner.


Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus.
And I lost my job as a bus driver!

That's brilliant

Also "Learnt Him Ow" and "Mortal Whine".