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Redpaws
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21 Aug 2021, 3:58 pm

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis.
The Iraqi troop leader says, "we"re going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request."
He says to the Welshman, "what"s your last request?"
The Welshman says, "I want a thousand Welshman singing "Land of my Fathers"."
"Okay, you"ve got it. What about you?" he says to the Scotsman.
"I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave," says the Scot.
"You"ve got it" says the Iraqi. "What"s your last request?" he asks the Irishman.
"I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy.
"It"s yours" says the Iraqi.
Turning to the Englishman, he says, "and your last request?"
The Englishman says, "shoot me first!"


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magz
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09 Mar 2022, 10:40 am

Real but fits here:

A friend from Geneva is planning to visit Warsaw in May.
Optimist.


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funeralxempire
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09 Mar 2022, 10:52 am

magz wrote:
Real but fits here:

A friend from Geneva is planning to visit Warsaw in May.
Optimist.


As long as it's not friends from Novosibirsk.


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戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


magz
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09 Mar 2022, 11:03 am

^ :skull: :mrgreen:


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magz
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29 Mar 2022, 12:48 pm

I saw the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse riding across Europe.
'What are you doing?' I asked.
'Fleeing Russia while we still can!'


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Fnord
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29 Mar 2022, 12:54 pm

Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit.

Customs Officer: "Name?"

Putin: "Vladimir Putin."

Customs Officer: "Nationality?"

Putin: "Russian."

Customs Officer: "Occupation?"

Putin: "No, just visiting."



Fnord
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29 Mar 2022, 12:57 pm

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the Mar-a-Lago.

One of the guests asks: "Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin?"

"We are planning World War III."

"And what does it look like?"

"We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist."

The guest looks a bit confused: "Why a dentist?"

Putin claps Trump on the back and says, "What did I tell you, Donald?  No one will ask about the Muslims!"



Last edited by Fnord on 29 Mar 2022, 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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29 Mar 2022, 1:00 pm

Two men are standing in line in Russia.

One says to the other "What is this line for?"

"Toilet paper," his friend replies.

"I'm SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life!," he says.  "I'm going to go kill Putin."

He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours.  His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper.

"Why are you back?", he asks. "Did you kill Putin?"

"No", the man replies, "The line for that was longer than this one!"



Nades
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29 Mar 2022, 1:00 pm

Autistic kids rock.



Misslizard
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29 Mar 2022, 2:10 pm

Mary had a little lamb.
The doctor fainted.


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lostonearth35
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14 Apr 2022, 6:38 pm

A man and his friend are walking down the street when a dog that suddenly runs up and bites him.
"Oh my god!" his friend says. "That dog was foaming at the mouth! He must have rabies!"
"Rabies?" the man says looking very pale with shock. He then takes out a pen and a notepad out of his pocket and hastily begins writing.
"Wait, " says the friend, "We can get you treated for rabies if we go to the hospital right away. You don't have to start writing your will."
"It's not a will," the man says, "It's a list of people I hate that I want to bite!" :twisted:



magz
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07 May 2022, 4:24 pm

Taking into account that the Maya people lived so long ago and that they used only primitive technology, it's really impressive that their predictions missed perfect accuracy only by 10 years.


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Jakki
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07 May 2022, 5:08 pm

Things get Darkest ….Just before the light goes out completely . 8O


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Pepe
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07 May 2022, 6:21 pm

The sun set.
My solar panels failed to produce electricity and the lights turned off. 8)



Pepe
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07 May 2022, 6:22 pm

Jakki wrote:
Things get Darkest ….Just before the light goes out completely . 8O


You stole my thunder. 8O



Pepe
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07 May 2022, 6:23 pm

Misslizard wrote:
Mary had a little lamb.
The doctor fainted.


Because he was a vegetarian? :scratch: