Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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Anxiety

a day laborer had the nerve to scream "Chino!" @ me. (The Internet claims that "Chino" means "chinese", and not a racial slur. but i do not want to imagine what would happen if i were to have screamed "mexican!" @ that ass hole. when lil f*****s ask or tell me what race i am, it makes me feel like i do not belong (in united states) (or anywhere else). but i work at home depot and the day laborers do not work @ home depot.

off leash dogs

phoned the company that arranges rides to medical appointments. had to be on hold for a long time, about half an hour to an hour. then she told me that the company will text me by friday. their policy is that you have to request a ride, ten days before the appointment. f**k Medi-Cal! (all that ret*d BS just for a ride.)

some idiot @ the library had the nerve to sit too close to me eating loudly. and i tried to ignore him. then he unplugged my computer. when i tried to log back in, it didn't let me. the librarian came and told the idiot not to eat in the library. the idiot swore at the librarian. the librarian told the idiot not to swear in the library. so i told the librarian that i unintentionally unplugged the computer. the librarian gave me an access code. (i did not tell the librarian that the idiot unplugged the computer, because i was afraid that the idiot would take out revenge on me.)

My work friend has basically moved on from me and is more interested in hanging out with and talking to someone from their department. That's fine though because I've been talking to more people at work, and maybe I'll manage to make more friends.

Anxiety

Wind and snow

Realizing I collected so mamy tarot cards but I'm really not a good tarot reader. And maybe tarot is unhealthy mentally?

"When we believe in things, that we don't understand, then we suffee-ee-eer. Superstition ain't the way."
-Stevie Wonder

Seriously though, I don't know if it's mentally unhealthy or not. But what happens when reality doesn't reflect what you see in the cards? Because I feel like it doesn't matter whether you conclude from that you're bad at tarot or that reality is wrong, then you're on a path to confusion.

I have a sort of a rule, a guideline, not to get too involved in the more bad tempered threads on here because who gives a crap what I think, but I'm struggling to do that today.

I guess deep down I know they're not real but it's become a form of escapism for me.

I got deadnamed in front of a group of people. I know most of them could hear it.

had to drive a rattly old enviro bus instead of the streetlites we should be using on my bus route
at least it didnt break down

Anxiety

(In fact, I'm feeling it right now. )

I hate when people ask me questions that a NT can answer better

Very cold out today.

Anxiety

The constant hurdles to life, I finally have a job after two years of rejections, I don't have an apartment of my own yet but thankfully get to sublet someone else's apartment.
However, due to the fact that I'm subletting it, I still do not have an official address for my registration causing me not to get the necessary documents needed to live here. Because of that, I can't get paid yet.

Couldn't get ahold of the Dutch embassy on the phone today, and they're only open on my exact work hours, which leaves me being only able to call them during my break.

It's genuinely a great job and company, but I still haven't broken out of the

You need a official residence in Berlin to get a job <---> You need a job and proof of income to get a place in Berlin

cycle.

Literally no one understands how bad this problem is for me especially because I don't have any savings left to just get a place of my own as well as the fact that I've been constantly ghosted by 99% of employers and people looking for roommates.

It's such an annoying problem that can't be solved by Googling or therapy; I don't need emotional support, I literally just want to live in Berlin and not suffer financially anymore. It's more than obvious that I have not been built for this capitalist system and got a lot of inspiration to start sketching out art concepts again to pitch for grants and funding so I could focus on that. I tried giving capitalism and the 9 to 5 life a shot, they rejected me!

My job is genuinely nice but I can't seem to focus currently due to the fact that I'm literally being a "volunteer" right now.