Evil.

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I don't know how much longer I'll be on these forums, so I'm going to burn through all the questions I have as I think of them. And this one is kind of huge. Since I'm almost entirely anonymous on these forums (a picture amongst 6 billion earthlings hardly points me out) I am less wary of discussing it here as with a therapist who may see me again in my community.

I know that a person's actions can make them evil. I don't know if a person's thoughts can constitute the same thing. If you think of doing things that are historically proven to be wrong - not just wrong but downright hideous - and you practically fantasize about these things, does it matter if you have no intention of performing them?

And yes, that "elephant in the room" is me. I'm talking about me.

This part is about sex: One of the less disturbing things that I've been experiencing more and more in the past few years is an acquired sense of love through empty hatred and thoughts of violence. The more hateful my feelings toward the subject matter, whether it's someone I'm intimate with, someone I'm thinking about, or just pornography, the more I feel *something* that emulates the way I used to feel when I was younger and still got excited about - simply put - romance and the notion of real love.

I'm not going to ask if that's normal. If it's normal at all, it's in an entirely maladjusted relationship. I believe this all manifested within me during a series of relationship of that nature. When they ended, well, this didn't.

But like I said, the sex question is only the tip of the iceberg. My thoughts are increasingly worsening, and it's gotten to the point where I see almost nothing wrong with many of them. At times I consider myself to be thinking almost no different than most Republicans. However, there are still a few things frequently swimming around in my head that I know are evil. And I know I should probably seek therapy if I ever feel I'm going to lose control of them. But I would never repeat these things to anyone I didn't absolutely trust, and even then, I probably shouldn't.

So to reiterate: To think horrible things regularly, some that I know are evil, and some that I only suspect are, does this make me evil, or do I have to act on them to be considered evil?

If you call someone evil based on their thoughts, then we're all evil.

FWIW in the Bible there's a passage where Jesus is unpacking the 10 Commandments for the crowd, and says 'It is written 'you should not commit adultery' but I tell you the truth, whoever looks at a woman with lustful thoughts has already commited adultery in his heart" and there's one about anger and resentments being murder in the heart.

IDK if the evil you're describing is a case of payback, or telegraphing of some sort. I randomly get those types of thoughts myself but I don't have it in me to carry them out. At one time I thought I did but if it's where you're seriously comtemplating doing something to others in a self-generated manner you might want to examine yourself and these thoughts and take appropriate action whether it be getting treatment if it can be treated, or whatever other means necessary to solve it. I trust you'll decide wisely