Lost friend

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A friend of mine, and a work colleague passed away from a brain tumor on Dec. 16. Been told I'm cold. What am I supposed to feel? 43 years of human relations and I still don't understand. A little help here, if anyone else has a clue???

I'm sorry about your loss.
I have a problem when it comes to dealing with loss. A few weeks ago my uncle died, and I didn't feel upset about it, when I think I should have been. I also didn't comfort his daughter, my cousin, and my mother was upset with me because of it.
A few years ago, my grandparents both died within two months of eachother, and I felt nothing. But a while after their deaths, it all came out at once, and then that's when I realized the impact it had on me.

Who told you you are cold? Is this because they expect you to express yourself? (cry, complain, talk a lot about the person, offer hugs) Or is it because they think you have said something inappropriate?
I tend to not say anything at all because I doubt I would say the "right" thing. We all grieve differently and feel differently about the person who dies. I don't like funerals because it's like victors of war, whoever is the most powerful gets to eulogize the dead person the way they wanted that person to be like. Not necessarily the way others say them or how things really were.

It's tough to lose a friend, like that.

Poor you.

What CockneyRebel said. It is tough to lose a dear friend like that.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Sometimes we don't know how to deal with losses and so cannot react, hence we appear cold (and it's not just aspies that do this). Everyone reacts (or not) differently to things as it hits people in different ways. Just because you appear cold to them, it doesn't mean you don't care or anything ,they probably just don't understand your behaviour surrounding it all as they will be taking the news badly too. Some people react and get whaly and emotional later on whereas others never do. Everyone is different.

I also keep silence -don't visit people- during a comparable, painful situation such as Paganinny's. But I also don't understand why people say this is a cold mentality. It's just an alternative reaction.
Often, I eventually express my feelings in a indirect way: via e-mail or SMS.
In this way I'm still empathic and don't have to show my face immediately. Many times I soon get a response and they ask me if I would like to visit them.