Upstairs neighbour rant thread

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This thread is kind of a jokey sarcastic sort of thing, write down what it feels like your neighbours upstairs have or do in their apartment (if you do live below someone in an apartment building that is).

No offense to those of you who do live in apartments above people. Maybe write a same thread about neighbours below you. (But don't be predictable and put "my downstairs neighbour writes posts on WP complaining about my noise").

I'll start. My upstairs neighbour owns about 10 units with loads of drawers and cupboards everywhere with squeaky doors that she opens and slams shut all day, and she also likes to move those things around the room.

My upstairs neighbour has a swivel chair that she rides around the room that has hardwood floor, and she falls off of it sometimes, creating a loud crash.

My upstairs neighbour wears these big shoes made out of concrete, I don't know what brand they are or where she buys them from but they're certainly her favourite shoes. Those, or she wears rollerblades to get from one room to another.

My upstairs neighbour uses two vacuum cleaners at a time, several times a day, and constantly mops all her hardwood floors that are in every room (and slips over on her wet floors).

My upstairs neighbour throws heavy tools across the room then sweeps them all up again with a stiff outdoor broom, or a garden rake.

Oh, and I think my upstairs neighbour owns a pet elephant. All upstairs neighbours own pet elephants, it's the upstairs neighbour's code.

Now you add some! I thought I should deal with this by turning it into a joke rather than getting angry or upset over it.

When I had an upstairs neighbour it did sound as if she was shagging her next door neighbour.

It also sounded as if she used to roll snooker/pool balls along the window ledge.

God only knows what she was doing up there.

Now I have a downstairs neighbour. Not nearly as noisy but she does seem to tenderise a lot of steak.

When I still lived in the townhouse (I moved out of that place February, 2020) there was always 1 joker that would make life miserable for me and the other two tenants. The last tenant that moved in, before I left, was notorious for frying everything in cooking oil, and not covering the pan. Oil would splatter everywhere. He never would clean up after himself, including leaving his dirty dishes all over the place. He could have at least put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher and, once there was a full load, I’d run the dishwasher. (And I thought I was a slob.)

Footage of my upstairs neighbour.

At least you don't have an animal living in your attic, thou I think he would be really fun

My main issue with my upstairs neighbors is that one of them is clearly smoking indoors, despite the strict smoke-free policy our building supposedly has. Multiple tenants have complained to the property manager about it, but they won't do anything.

Luckily the smoker isn't home every day, but when she is my nose and eyes burn and I cough all the time. It's brutal. I work from home and have actually resorted to taking my laptop and phone outside to work in my car when the weather's decent, but during the winter that's not really an option.

I can drown out their noise with ear plugs, but sometimes they actually stomp so hard that the vibrations shake my furniture and wake me up. But, honestly, that's nothing compared to the secondhand smoke. Looking forward to my lease being up.

When people are offered an upstairs apartment:-

Hello, Mr Landlord, I would like to rent an apartment, please
Certainly, Miss. We only have upstairs available
Anything will do, we're desperate
We value people in our upstairs apartments, so we will give you an offer of a free pet
Oh, thank you
We have got a butterfly, a mouse, a cat, and a large elephant. You may pick one
Oh, the elephant, please!
Wonderful choice. Keep him indoors at all times. Now, for all our upstairs apartment tenants, we like to offer a job working from home so you won't have to leave the apartment much. How would you like to be a basketball tester?
Oh, that sounds different. How do I do that?
You'll get sent 10 new basketballs a day and you have to test them by shooting them through hoops in your very own living-room. It's why we have hardwood floors!
Ooh, excellent. I will take the job. What else?
You also get a free pair of shoes that you can wear at all times when in your apartment and they never wear out! They're made with heavy concrete soles and you can play basketball in them. They may make you stumble and fall over sometimes but you'll be OK!
Great, I wouldn't say no to free shoes that never wear out!
Great, welcome to your new home and job, you're to move in next week! And if the downstairs neighbours complain about any noise then just tell them that they can't stop you from moving around in your own home during the day, that should guilt them off. Enjoy!

The only upstairs neighbour i have is God, but even he was clogging around last night clashing pots and pans for upwards of 5 hours straight, and flashing bright lights and all.

/\He’s doing that here right now.I can hardly hear the tv.Tin roof doesn’t help.

This makes me want to install a wood floor in my upstairs apartment

Ranting about it makes me feel better, since there is nothing else I can do right now until July.

They seem to be obsessed with sweeping rooms up there. It would probably be quieter if they just vacuumed. Several times a day they sweep their bedroom and living-room floors with a stiff broom, which clangs against all the furniture and skirting-boards which echoes down below into our apartment. Maybe the kid has a sandpit (another toy that is best played with outdoors). But I suppose keeping a kid locked up in an upstairs apartment forever means it has to do outdoor activities indoors. Doesn't matter about the people below, because you're entitled parents who think it's normal to keep yourselves and your kid shut indoors forever like you have something to hide.

I don't normally judge how people choose to live their lives but when they're affecting me negatively then I'm sorry but I will judge.

Oh God how I wish I was rich. If only I could win a couple of million pounds then me and my boyfriend could live in a quiet, secluded area with no neighbours.