Do you hate when people change there last name in marriages?

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zeldapsychology
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10 Dec 2013, 1:34 pm

I believe it's you take the mans last name or whatever. To me my sister is still my last name and her friend is still Cato not this odd last name Clifford. Sorry I can't help but think of Clifford the Big Red Dog. Also My cousin went from Myers to Zerkel. ICK! I plan to keep my last name. My sister is cool she hyphened hers born last name-marriage last name so that's cool. Plus last name Booth you can't help but think of The Doctor's phone booth the TARDIS!! !! I rather think of the TARDIS than Clifford the Big Red Dog!! !! Also Zerkel IMO Urkel from Family Matters!! !! Plus Cato is part of my Nintendo user name since the 90's!! !! ! Always reference that to them whenever I do ever chat with them. To me still Cato in my book!! ! :-) What are your thoughts on last name changes?



arielhawksquill
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10 Dec 2013, 2:10 pm

Some women don't consider it feminist to take a husband's last name, but if her own last name came from her father it's still patriarchy.



pete1061
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10 Dec 2013, 2:23 pm

I knew a couple that "unofficially" combined their last names into one word.
On legal paperwork, they kept their original last names, but all their friends referred to them by their combined new name.


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OliveOilMom
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10 Dec 2013, 4:11 pm

It's up to the couple. I took my husbands last name because that's basically just traditional. I like things to look traditional. As a matter of fact, our checks were always printed Mr or Mrs His Name, and I would sign it Mrs His Name. That's how I sign things usually. However, the Deep South is the land of the clinging maiden name and I refer to all my friends as their first name and their maiden name. I'm referred to that way as well. It's only on more formal things that we use the correct last name.

Some ladies choose to hyphenate their last name with their husbands, and others keep their maiden name for professional reasons but use their husbands name for everything else. I knew a Dr Smith who when away from work was Mrs Jones.

I don't see it as feminist or not feminist or anything to do with feminism, what you choose to call yourself. Then again, I'm a housewife by choice and quite a few feminists have ripped me a new one because of that. Or tried to, anyway.



nick007
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10 Dec 2013, 5:45 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
It's up to the couple. I took my husbands last name because that's basically just traditional. I like things to look traditional. As a matter of fact, our checks were always printed Mr or Mrs His Name, and I would sign it Mrs His Name. That's how I sign things usually. However, the Deep South is the land of the clinging maiden name and I refer to all my friends as their first name and their maiden name. I'm referred to that way as well. It's only on more formal things that we use the correct last name.

Some ladies choose to hyphenate their last name with their husbands, and others keep their maiden name for professional reasons but use their husbands name for everything else. I knew a Dr Smith who when away from work was Mrs Jones.

I don't see it as feminist or not feminist or anything to do with feminism, what you choose to call yourself. Then again, I'm a housewife by choice and quite a few feminists have ripped me a new one because of that. Or tried to, anyway.
Good Post :)
I also agree that it's up to the couple & it's not feminist for women to change there's but I also don't think it would be emasculating for men to change there's. When I get married I don't really care if my girlfriend takes my name or I take her's. I would like us to have the same last name thou & I don't like hyphenating because it makes the names longer & can be problematic for paperwork especially online because there may not be a box for the hyphen & there's only so much space sometimes. It can also be a problem for others because they may not remember both last names or want to use both so things can get confusing.


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10 Dec 2013, 6:01 pm

I don't necessarily 'mind' it when people do it, but I do think it's a silly remnant of a male-centric society. But then, I grew up in a family where relationships typically lasted about 5 years before completely dissolving and leaving an impact on the children getting caught up in the mix. My own mother and father never married, mostly because my mother doesn't care for marriage, thinking it's 'unnecessary'. However, because of legal reasons, I was given the name of my father at birth, because that was part of him 'acknowledging' me, if I understand correctly. 13 years later, I requested that my mother change my last name to her name instead, because my father had fallen out of favour with me. To this day, I still have my mother's last name. The effect of that is that I am the sole name-bearer of our branch of the family, because my grandfather only had daughters and all the other grandchildren have the surnames of their fathers. And I view that as quite na honour for me.

I have read that in Japan it tends to happen that when a man and a woman marry, the man may take the name of his wife if she is from the wealthier family.


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jk1
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10 Dec 2013, 10:20 pm

CyclopsSummers wrote:
I have read that in Japan it tends to happen that when a man and a woman marry, the man may take the name of his wife if she is from the wealthier family.


I think you are talking about the cases where a wealthy family with a successful business only has a daughter (or daughters) and the family wants a man to get married to her (or one of them) and become the successor of their business. That way they can keep their surname associated with their business and pass it on to further generations.

I personally wouldn't like any change myself. I would never change my surname. I also don't like the idea of someone else using my surname. It's MY surname. If I had a partner, he/she can keep his/hers. It's very unlikely that I will ever have a partner any way.



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10 Dec 2013, 10:49 pm

If I get married, it will be up to my wife if she so desires.


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matt
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11 Dec 2013, 12:10 am

I used to think that my last name was very important, but I have recently done research into my genealogy, and I found hundreds of names of ancestors whose names didn't get passed on, and found instances of spellings being changed in both my parents families within the past 200 years.

From all of that research, I realized that my own last name could have been any of those hundreds of names, and that made me not think that my last name was important. I've even considered changing my own last name.

I don't think that it makes sense that women changing their names is the default when people get married. They should have whatever last name they prefer.



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11 Dec 2013, 12:29 am

My mother's maiden name was actually Taylor, so that's what she named me once she married my father and got her last name changed.


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FluttercordAspie93
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11 Dec 2013, 12:29 am

Double post.

My bad.


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Last edited by FluttercordAspie93 on 11 Dec 2013, 12:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

metaldanielle
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11 Dec 2013, 12:30 am

It's gotta be awkward in the days/weeks afterward when a stranger asks your name and you automatically respond w/ the old one before correcting yourself. Of course, not remembering what your name is requires an explanation and then the stranger has the obligatory congratulations....


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11 Dec 2013, 9:41 am

My mom made up our last name to make it look like she had gotten married when she had me. My name meant "Foreign Lady Religious Pilgrim". I didn't want to change it the first time I got married, so I didn't. The 2nd time I got married, my husband kinda had a thing about it so I did it as a favor to him. Now my name means "Foreign Lady Cleric."


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11 Dec 2013, 10:04 am

It simply did not bother to me, so my second name has no more meaning to me, then my health insurance identity code. In my country, you have various possibilities, so both keeping their name, and the children getting one of the names. Both keeping their names, and the children getting the combined names. Both combining their names to have a shared new second name for both. Or one keeping the old name, while the other one having the two names combined....

But actually, I dont see that combining of names as an good solution. So Smith-Meyer maybe ok, but then a generation on, your Smith-Meyer kid os going to marry an Miller-Jackson kid, then it becomes Smith-Meyer-Miller-Jackson... O_o

And with that different name stuff then in the end one parent has another name then the kid, which can cause some complications in other countries, and force you to carry birth documents and other stuff with you, so you can proove, that the kid is yours. O_o

When we decided about the names, because of my partner having two combined first names with the same starting letter, and my family name having the starting letter, it would have really been weird for him, taking my name. So its not his name, but as example he would have ended as "Joe-Jackson Jefferson". Additional, whenever he would get listed only with the first letters of his name, in my country, the three letters actually stands for the laughing sound. XD

So choosing my family name would have been quiet bad for him. ^^

As far as I know, they have quite exact name rules in spain, with the name of someone involving as well both family names of his parents and so on. But because of that, if they introduce themselves formally, its quiet long. ^^

Quote:
Wikipedia: Spanish name rules "...Each surname can also be composite, the parts usually linked by the conjunction y or e (and), by the preposition de (of) or by a hyphen. For example, a person's name might be Juan Pablo Fernández de Calderón García-Iglesias, consisting of a forename (Juan Pablo), a paternal surname (Fernández de Calderón) and a maternal surname (García-Iglesias)..."


Spanish documents must be quiet large. ^^



melodicdaisy
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11 Dec 2013, 11:25 am

Hmm I don't really care. Just think of how it must be for the ladies who have been writing their surname their whole life and then have to get used to writing a different one after being married. I think I'd just hyphenate my name to be honest.


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