What could be making me seem this way?

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Jamesy
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14 Sep 2016, 1:46 pm

What could be making me seem like a horrible obonoxious person to others without me even realising it?



animalcrackers
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14 Sep 2016, 3:24 pm

Possibilities:

> Violating social rules that you are unaware of. (People think you know the social rules and are violating them on purpose -- to be disrespectful or mean or because you don't care about other people's feelings.)

> Not noticing nonverbal signs of what they feel, which results in not responding to their feelings. (People think you do see those nonverbal signs, and think that you are deliberately ignoring their feelings or just don't care about their feelings.)

> Not "reading between the lines" of what people say. (Sometimes people say very indirect things because it's considered rude to say them directly -- for example someone might say, "Wow, it's getting late," in place of saying "I want/need to stop interacting with you". If you don't pick up on that hint and end the interaction, the other person might just think that you are ignoring their wants or needs or feelings or whatever -- instead of thinking you just didn't get the hint.)

> Other people reading stuff into what you say that isn't there

> Having a certain way of speaking .... people who speak bluntly are often assumed to be intentionally mean, and those who and have a more flat tone of voice are often misread as angry/sarcastic (especially if their facial expressions are also more neutral and hard to read)


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kraftiekortie
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14 Sep 2016, 5:55 pm

I don't sense that you're horrible and obnoxious.

I do sense that, sometimes, you want to rebel a little bit; you want to be sort of a tough guy.

You don't want people to think you're some dorky wimp or something. But you try to appear like a tough guy by doing misguided things, and getting into trouble.

Maybe that why you like to hang out in that bar.



dcj123
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14 Sep 2016, 6:05 pm

I relate,

I am either autistic and can't see social rules or I am idiot. I haven't decided which yet but having the ability to understand technical concepts would lead me to the autism conclusion. I feel screwed either way and I am thinking being an idiot might be better because an idiot doesn't know they have problems cause they are stupid. Autism seems to be the worse of both worlds, you can't function socially and you understand enough of the world around you to know you got problems and are powerless to do anything about it but isolate. Its not good and my life is ruined either way so this line of thinking has a pointless outcome.

Suicide and isolation are the only options I see, I must say if you guys communicate like I do and continue to fight through each day, then everyone here is a much better person then I am cause I am out. I give up never to try again.



CatLady53
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14 Sep 2016, 6:19 pm

dcj123 wrote:
I relate,

I am either autistic and can't see social rules or I am idiot. I haven't decided which yet but having the ability to understand technical concepts would lead me to the autism conclusion. I feel screwed either way and I am thinking being an idiot might be better because an idiot doesn't know they have problems cause they are stupid. Autism seems to be the worse of both worlds, you can't function socially and you understand enough of the world around you to know you got problems and are powerless to do anything about it but isolate. Its not good and my life is ruined either way so this line of thinking has a pointless outcome.

Suicide and isolation are the only options I see, I must say if you guys communicate like I do and continue to fight through each day, then everyone here is a much better person then I am cause I am out. I give up never to try again.


I am new here and would like to discuss this more tomorrow. I am usually not on this late and I have to log off. I will be back tomorrow morning EST US time. I hope to "see" you then. You are not alone, I get it.



dcj123
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14 Sep 2016, 6:23 pm

CatLady53 wrote:
dcj123 wrote:
I relate,

I am either autistic and can't see social rules or I am idiot. I haven't decided which yet but having the ability to understand technical concepts would lead me to the autism conclusion. I feel screwed either way and I am thinking being an idiot might be better because an idiot doesn't know they have problems cause they are stupid. Autism seems to be the worse of both worlds, you can't function socially and you understand enough of the world around you to know you got problems and are powerless to do anything about it but isolate. Its not good and my life is ruined either way so this line of thinking has a pointless outcome.

Suicide and isolation are the only options I see, I must say if you guys communicate like I do and continue to fight through each day, then everyone here is a much better person then I am cause I am out. I give up never to try again.


I am new here and would like to discuss this more tomorrow. I am usually not on this late and I have to log off. I will be back tomorrow morning EST US time. I hope to "see" you then. You are not alone, I get it.


Ok goodnight,

I would hope I didn't offend but it doesn't sound like it so I'll be around.



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14 Sep 2016, 6:36 pm

If you are loud, blunt or too honest people generally think you're obnoxious. If you point out people's fallacies... you're a dick. If you try to engage someone's views in a constructive intelligent debate, you're arguing. If you fail to adhere to the flock... you're a jerk-off.

You must have your sheeple costume on whilst traipsing about in the meadows...



beakybird
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14 Sep 2016, 6:41 pm

dcj123 wrote:
I relate,

I am either autistic and can't see social rules or I am idiot. I haven't decided which yet but having the ability to understand technical concepts would lead me to the autism conclusion. I feel screwed either way and I am thinking being an idiot might be better because an idiot doesn't know they have problems cause they are stupid. Autism seems to be the worse of both worlds, you can't function socially and you understand enough of the world around you to know you got problems and are powerless to do anything about it but isolate. Its not good and my life is ruined either way so this line of thinking has a pointless outcome.

Suicide and isolation are the only options I see, I must say if you guys communicate like I do and continue to fight through each day, then everyone here is a much better person then I am cause I am out. I give up never to try again.


I don't know man, you seem like an alright guy to me. Troubled, yeah, but you always seem to be seeking self-awareness and to improve yourself. You seem to show remorse for your wrongdoings. you seem to have sought answers in many places. It'll come... And piecing things together from things I've read about you that you posted, you got a really bad f*****g deal along the way in ways I got no goddamed clue about. I don't claim to know you or trying to throw around hollow words, but I've struggled in my own mire of s**t over my lifetime in my own way... the fact that you're above f*****g ground still is a victory. Dont give up the fight now man. f**k that.



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14 Sep 2016, 7:21 pm

beakybird wrote:
dcj123 wrote:
I relate,

I am either autistic and can't see social rules or I am idiot. I haven't decided which yet but having the ability to understand technical concepts would lead me to the autism conclusion. I feel screwed either way and I am thinking being an idiot might be better because an idiot doesn't know they have problems cause they are stupid. Autism seems to be the worse of both worlds, you can't function socially and you understand enough of the world around you to know you got problems and are powerless to do anything about it but isolate. Its not good and my life is ruined either way so this line of thinking has a pointless outcome.

Suicide and isolation are the only options I see, I must say if you guys communicate like I do and continue to fight through each day, then everyone here is a much better person then I am cause I am out. I give up never to try again.


I don't know man, you seem like an alright guy to me. Troubled, yeah, but you always seem to be seeking self-awareness and to improve yourself. You seem to show remorse for your wrongdoings. you seem to have sought answers in many places. It'll come... And piecing things together from things I've read about you that you posted, you got a really bad f*****g deal along the way in ways I got no goddamed clue about. I don't claim to know you or trying to throw around hollow words, but I've struggled in my own mire of s**t over my lifetime in my own way... the fact that you're above f*****g ground still is a victory. Dont give up the fight now man. f**k that.

QFT

@ dcj123: Here's rooting for YOU----don't give-up the fight----don't let the shmuck-wads, WIN!!





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dcj123
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14 Sep 2016, 8:18 pm

Yeah life has been unkind to me but I am here, it hurts but in context I think its okay. Now that I am beginning to not be completely insane from PTSD, I see that the harsh reality I was dealt was to make me better in the end. The fool becomes wise because I have walked in the shoes of many problems. The consequences I have faced have not been nearly as bad as they could have been. I have fought a war to even have the right to exist in this world. Now that I have made a home for myself I will never leave it and with the wisdom I gain from my mistakes mixed with my knowledge of the state of the world has made me wise in some ways. I haven't found the way to have a successful life but at the very least I can tell you how not to have a successful life and there is merit in that.



CatLady53
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15 Sep 2016, 11:12 am

dcj123 wrote:
Yeah life has been unkind to me but I am here, it hurts but in context I think its okay. Now that I am beginning to not be completely insane from PTSD, I see that the harsh reality I was dealt was to make me better in the end. The fool becomes wise because I have walked in the shoes of many problems. The consequences I have faced have not been nearly as bad as they could have been. I have fought a war to even have the right to exist in this world. Now that I have made a home for myself I will never leave it and with the wisdom I gain from my mistakes mixed with my knowledge of the state of the world has made me wise in some ways. I haven't found the way to have a successful life but at the very least I can tell you how not to have a successful life and there is merit in that.


Hey, I'm glad to see you here still, you worried me with your suicide/isolation comment! That's what I do, worry and try to help :) which I know is not the way to go with NTs, they want you to listen and be there or whatever. I am so new I don't even really know how to begin convo without seeming like I'm hijacking someone's thread. This format is kinda new to me. The last forum I was on was for Mafia Wars ha! :lol:



dcj123
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15 Sep 2016, 2:28 pm

Yeah sorry, I am bit harsh when I speak my mind, I still see suicide as an potential solution for people as bad off as me but I am pretty low risk when I think about it. I meant that isolation or suicide is an option, not both at the same time. I have chose the first one and still struggle with depression but I am more sane now then I have been for a while. I have my problems but worse case I do some drugs and just play video games from sun up to sun down. I truly have given up but I suppose I have given up suicide too, I will continue to exist but I never be close to anyone. This is as close as anyone is getting to me and I don't care what people say or do here because I have the power to turn my PC off. That is why you won't get a reply from me with text, email, phone, steam, social media. I have really only spoken to my mom verbally in the last month or so.

I would rather have smallpox then try and be social again,