Real trauma or is my mom just ignorant?

Post Reply New Topic

When my husband was five, his grandfather made him eat fish. Now he won't eat it at all and he just can't eat it because of that incident. He said it traumatized him but my mom laughed about it and told me he was not traumatized, it's just called having a bad memory about fish, not the same as being traumatized. She said traumatized means you get anxiety and start shaking and sweating whenever you encounter it.

So is my mom right or was she just being ignorant about trauma because my husband's reaction is not fitting her definition of trauma? it's like saying someone isn't autistic because they don't flap their hands and because they smile and talk to people and they are just socially awkward.

Just like your analogy of hand flapping not being present in all autistic people, past trauma and triggers don't present in the same way, for all people who experience post traumatic stress or trauma responses. It is entirely possible for your husband's past trauma to be triggered by the mere smell, or sight of fish. Anxiety/ stress/ PTSD symptoms can, absolutely, exist, without being apparent/noticeable to anyone, outside of the person experiencing the symptoms.

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD by some doctor. He told me and I never knew so I guess he never saw it that as important and it didn't mean much to him. But my mom disagrees with that label. No he doesn't get schizophrenic like issues or start shaking and trembling or getting violent or having night terrors or breakdowns. I think those are just the severe cases of it. But because he has none of those, my mom says he doesn't have it so I told her well he said a doctor told him he had it.

I'm not a doctor, but, I am diagnosed with PTSD, GAD and SAD. I can be physically triggered, in a verity of ways. Sometimes it is simply heat in my chest. Shaking happens rarely, and only when I become extremely upset by something, and my body responds more intensely to the trigger, than my mind. Although, shaking is a product of the chemical occurances in the brain, at the time. PTSD stays with a person for life, even if dormant for most or all of the person's life. As you likely know, symptoms can be triggered, at anytime, throughout a persons life. Your Mom probably needs more information about PTSD.

My mom seems to have some trauma about my grandmother serving her carrots. Mom has told me she hated them so much they made her sick. She can only just tolerate them now and doesn't believe kids should be forced to eat foods they absolutely hate no matter how picky they are. She believes mealtimes should be as pleasant as possible instead of like some battle. I agree, but so many kids these days are so vegephobic. And when I was a kid I LOVED carrots, when they were raw at least, cut up into little sticks for lunch or a snack.

But I was very picky about fish and avoid it to this day. Hate it. The taste. The smell. The hundreds of tiny little needle-like bones. I'd get a fishbone in my mouth and that would be it. Wouldn't be able to swallow without gagging even if I picked the bone out.

I hate cucumbers because of a cucumber sandwich as a kid. I thought I was biting into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and gagged on the taste of cucumber. Since then I can't even deal with the smell of fresh cucumber never mind eat one. Even a cucumber used as a garnish has to get off my plate.

I’ve had bad encounters with dogs as a kid. Now when I encounter one, I’ll often start shaking/etc. but not really noticeably unless you knew I didn’t like dogs. However, it doesn’t affect my life unless I encounter dogs, so I hesitant to describe that as trauma. To my understanding, if my experience with dogs negatively affects me even when there is no dogs around, THEN it would be trauma. I’m not a doctor nor an expert, so sorry if I’m wrong.

In addition to some symptoms being invisible, a lot of people now casually use the term ‘trauma’ (like with depression, ocd, autistic, etc.).

Last edited by 248RPA on 29 Dec 2017, 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Is your mom a doctor OP?

Retired nurse.

Mine too. It’s amazing how much they don’t know Not that being a doctor means knowing everything either. Or being me But my opinion is that your mother is ignorant.