nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,121
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
28 Jul 2020, 5:45 am
The_Walruz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
For instance, only one person checked "Disagreement - differences of opinion, whether back up by valid facts or not" as a form of bullying.
Does that mean -- for the sake of only one person -- we should all avoid stating anything that might conflict with something someone else has already stated?
Disagreement in itself is not a form of bullying but you can disagree in a way that is bullying
28 Jul 2020, 6:45 am
28 Jul 2020, 7:28 am
magz wrote:
I don't know, I always interpreted Fnord as genuine: lacking "tact" and socially clumsy, rule- and logic-oriented, with low emotional intelligence, high classic intelligence, interesting biography, thick skin out of necessity to survive it and little understanding for more intensive emotionalities; often making incorrect assumptions about things not told, which could be settled with clarification; capable of learning on the level of rules and logic but not on the level of sensitivity - and knowing it - thus, usually staying away from The Haven.
With all our discussions, I never encountered data contradicting this picture. Maybe simple "Ouch, it's a trigger, don't do it again!" when Fnord stomps on one's foot would have helped much better?
Magz articulates things better than I can. This is good magz!
What I would say is that we are by definition a group of people with poor or even nonexistant social skills. That means that some posts will be received in a way that the poster did not intend.
But we are a group of people who understand and can follow rules. And have, many of us, wacky senses of humor.
Some posters react to a post from a personal perspective that others can't necessarily know or understand.
If I may, there are long time posters here who have shown growth and learning. But other long time posters are still focusing on past behaviors, past posts. These past posts overwhelm the newer growth and behaviors.
Ferris, I do miss you. And I remember the night you all tried to keep fifasy from suicide. I was overwhelmed with the effort made by this community. I am sorry he is gone. I understand the need to point out hypocrisy. That said, I also try to remember that I could be wrong.
One of the things that might help in WP discussions is to avoid repeating the same message over and over again. It is one thing to have an opinion. It is another thing to beat others over the head with it.
And while some people believe in facts, facts do change over time as our understanding of science, biology, physics, chemistry grow.
Others have experienced a spiritual and a nonfact based reality. Non provable things. This is called experiential.
We have a poster who has long, irregular posts which are difficult to read. What I have found is there is great wisdom in those posts, but one does have to make the effort to read these posts with mindfulness. The wisdom then blossoms. But then, many are called, but few are chosen.
I don't know what the issue with the ferret and magz was, but magz is one of the most thoughtful and honest posters here. I can't imagine a perspective in which anyone would find her posts offensive or hypocritical.
Again, we are not proficient at expressing or understanding social communication and I think we have to give each other a lot of latitude. A bit of loving kindness would not go amiss either.
28 Jul 2020, 10:20 am
Off topic, but needs to be said:
BlazingStar you are indeed one of the nicest members a site like this, with all its issues, could hope to have.
28 Jul 2020, 12:25 pm
blazingstar wrote:
magz wrote:
I don't know, I always interpreted Fnord as genuine: lacking "tact" and socially clumsy, rule- and logic-oriented, with low emotional intelligence, high classic intelligence, interesting biography, thick skin out of necessity to survive it and little understanding for more intensive emotionalities; often making incorrect assumptions about things not told, which could be settled with clarification; capable of learning on the level of rules and logic but not on the level of sensitivity - and knowing it - thus, usually staying away from The Haven.
With all our discussions, I never encountered data contradicting this picture. Maybe simple "Ouch, it's a trigger, don't do it again!" when Fnord stomps on one's foot would have helped much better?
Magz articulates things better than I can. This is good magz!
What I would say is that we are by definition a group of people with poor or even nonexistant social skills. That means that some posts will be received in a way that the poster did not intend.
But we are a group of people who understand and can follow rules. And have, many of us, wacky senses of humor.
Some posters react to a post from a personal perspective that others can't necessarily know or understand.
If I may, there are long time posters here who have shown growth and learning. But other long time posters are still focusing on past behaviors, past posts. These past posts overwhelm the newer growth and behaviors.
Ferris, I do miss you. And I remember the night you all tried to keep fifasy from suicide. I was overwhelmed with the effort made by this community. I am sorry he is gone. I understand the need to point out hypocrisy. That said, I also try to remember that I could be wrong.
One of the things that might help in WP discussions is to avoid repeating the same message over and over again. It is one thing to have an opinion. It is another thing to beat others over the head with it.
And while some people believe in facts, facts do change over time as our understanding of science, biology, physics, chemistry grow.
Others have experienced a spiritual and a nonfact based reality. Non provable things. This is called experiential.
We have a poster who has long, irregular posts which are difficult to read. What I have found is there is great wisdom in those posts, but one does have to make the effort to read these posts with mindfulness. The wisdom then blossoms. But then, many are called, but few are chosen.
I don't know what the issue with the ferret and magz was, but magz is one of the most thoughtful and honest posters here. I can't imagine a perspective in which anyone would find her posts offensive or hypocritical.
Again, we are not proficient at expressing or understanding social communication and I think we have to give each other a lot of latitude. A bit of loving kindness would not go amiss either.
Smiles, Dear Friend; Been Visiting this Internet Site for Nearly 10 Years.
i got Here in the Middle of An Autistic Burn-out at 33 Months, in a total
of 66 Months that my Air Force Reserve Major Psychiatrist said was the
Most Hopeless Case he had ever dealt with; willing to see if he could get
An Experimental Vagal Nerve Stimulator Basically to Bring my Dead Soul of Emotions Back to Life.
(My Insurance Wouldn't Cover that or the 'Tran-cranial Magnetic Stimulation' He suggested either)
i Remember, when i first went in to see him; really terrified as i always knew i was
Different than most other folks and really my Sister was the only one close to like
me, in the Area i lived in; as yes, she was eventually diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome too.
i had dealt With Chronic Stress at work in Navigating Mostly the Social World for 11 Years;
with the Last two in Acute Fight or Flight Stress; as all that was my Soul was slowly drifting
Away into a Black Abyss, where there would be no reference point back, if i ever felt a Smile
for my Entire Life for the 66 Months, i spent in that Black Abyss, with 19 Medical Disorders;
including Type Two Trigeminal Neuralgia; Yes, the Worst Pain Known to Humankind
in my Entire Existence then from Wake to Sleep, no drug would touch; the Psychiatrist
initially asked, "Why don't you use something other than the Adrenaline of
Anxiety and Fear to Motivate Yourself"; i had no frigging clue
what he was talking about; or how a person could possibly
Motivate themselves With E-MoTioNS as Slow as i Possibly
Could have been in Emotional Intelligence; but of course where
i am from in 'Trump Town USA', if a Boy Smiled They would be called
the F Word and Not Fred and threatened with Bodily Harm; as at the City
Park for Playing Tennis and the Middle School Halls, Boys with Emotions were not allowed;
at least by the Other Onward Christian Marching Soldier Boys who had Big Daddy's Training
Them Still to Be Desert Warriors of Scarcity; 'Destroying' Folks Who Look and Act different in 'Tribal Warfare'.
In Other Words, i understand
the Nature of 'The Beast';
i understand where
Bullies come from;
And i do have the Patience
of 'Job' For them as i surely know
What Environment Gardens them
And Doesn't Flower them the same
way my Mother Did; Without the Influence of
my Military and Law-Enforcement Patriarchal
Father Leaving at age 3; He didn't have the Deep South Bible Belt
States Opportunity, still in Desert Scarcity, to destroy my Soul then.
Hehe; Working for the Military for a Quarter of a Century was enough
to finish the rest of my Soul off; i came here with an Avatar of a Smiling
Baby; the one my Mother said had Open Arms for All Strangers; all i wanted
to do is Feel the Love For All that Child in me Once Innocently Felt in Childhood then.
Some Folks Don't even have that Reference Point; They Have No Idea that Heaven Love Exists.
My Wife Still had it; i wanted what she had so Desperately that i used her name as my
First Facebook Name all alone with no Friends outside my Home; i didn't want to be a girl
like her; i just wanted that divine loving spirit that smiled within her she shared and lit up
When She Connected to Others; same one my Mother Always had but never Lost as she was
also on a Bi-Polar Spectrum; but staying high never going Low like i did for 7 Years in my life.
She Was a Beautiful Poet, Just by the Nature of Her Life Starting Writing in Shapes like i do now
in her 50's as i Naturally did at 53; I hated Poetry then; i could not understand why she would do
it; or why folks would read it. But of course, i did not have An Inner Voice of Love in Soul As Poetry
Brings and Nourishes to Motivate Every Physical Action in Life, Through Inner Forces of Positive Emotions now.
My God; They Never taught this in School.
My God; They Never Taught this In Church
Now My God Love Lives in me Free to Give and
Share as My God Love is as real as anything i have
experienced in Life; i understand now that Poetry was
only the Shell of Her God of Love That Lived within her;
Really no Different than a Tiny Nautilus Reflects, 'Building
More Stately Mansions' of Nautilus Shells Reflecting the Entire
Milky Way FOR REAL;
i know (FEEL) for
sure there would
be no more Bullies in
the World if they could
See Love the way i FEEL God For Real AS LoVE NoW.
And i understand why they Can Not ; Will Not; and
Do Not Now For i come from Similar 'Trump Breeding Grounds', indeed;
They know (Feel/Sense) not what they do; as neither did i until
i gained these Eyes and Ears that are truly 'Seeing Hearing' Breathing Love.
Yes, For me at
Least, 1 Second
Where i am now
E T E R N A LL Y NoW
LoVE is worth all the
5 Decades
Before
When
Basically
i am the Living Dead then.
Smiles, my FRiEnD, i See
'Dead People' all over my Town;
in Church, Online, Everywhere i go;
And if i was not dead before in Living
Hell, i would have never gained this 'sight'
to understand the difference between Hell
and Heaven on Earth; so indeed, i write about both;
It Takes a Bi-Polar Person to Fully See Heaven and Hell;
And it probably Takes a Person With Asperger's
Syndrome to find some Systemizing Way to
Even Possibly Reach A Soul With No Breath;
i don't 'know';
i just see
and
hear
this and
Breath it again...
Have a Nice Day my FRiEnD;
Thanks for the Words that
You Hear and See Part of
what i do too; it's not
possible NOT
to give
and share
Heaven to the
Best of one's abilities,
to all others, when one
Lives here as it's a Natural
Part of this Home now to give and share free..
It Seems That Higher Points in Systemizing
Standard IQ is indeed a Road Block to Heaven WiTHiN;
It only makes Common Sense as it IS A LIMITING INTELLIGENCE.
Smiles,
-A Somewhat
Reformed Straight
A Student NoW into
More Of A Spiraling S Now of Hope..
28 Jul 2020, 2:34 pm
aghogday wrote:
Smiles, Dear Friend; Been Visiting this Internet Site for Nearly 10 Years.
i got Here in the Middle of An Autistic Burn-out at 33 Months, in a total
of 66 Months that my Air Force Reserve Major Psychiatrist said was the
Most Hopeless Case he had ever dealt with; willing to see if he could get
An Experimental Vagal Nerve Stimulator Basically to Bring my Dead Soul of Emotions Back to Life.
(My Insurance Wouldn't Cover that or the 'Tran-cranial Magnetic Stimulation' He suggested either)
i Remember, when i first went in to see him; really terrified as i always knew i was
Different than most other folks and really my Sister was the only one close to like
me, in the Area i lived in; as yes, she was eventually diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome too.
i had dealt With Chronic Stress at work in Navigating Mostly the Social World for 11 Years;
with the Last two in Acute Fight or Flight Stress; as all that was my Soul was slowly drifting
Away into a Black Abyss, where there would be no reference point back, if i ever felt a Smile
for my Entire Life for the 66 Months, i spent in that Black Abyss, with 19 Medical Disorders;
including Type Two Trigeminal Neuralgia; Yes, the Worst Pain Known to Humankind
in my Entire Existence then from Wake to Sleep, no drug would touch; the Psychiatrist
initially asked, "Why don't you use something other than the Adrenaline of
Anxiety and Fear to Motivate Yourself"; i had no frigging clue
what he was talking about; or how a person could possibly
Motivate themselves With E-MoTioNS as Slow as i Possibly
Could have been in Emotional Intelligence; but of course where
i am from in 'Trump Town USA', if a Boy Smiled They would be called
the F Word and Not Fred and threatened with Bodily Harm; as at the City
Park for Playing Tennis and the Middle School Halls, Boys with Emotions were not allowed;
at least by the Other Onward Christian Marching Soldier Boys who had Big Daddy's Training
Them Still to Be Desert Warriors of Scarcity; 'Destroying' Folks Who Look and Act different in 'Tribal Warfare'.
In Other Words, i understand
the Nature of 'The Beast';
i understand where
Bullies come from;
And i do have the Patience
of 'Job' For them as i surely know
What Environment Gardens them
And Doesn't Flower them the same
way my Mother Did; Without the Influence of
my Military and Law-Enforcement Patriarchal
Father Leaving at age 3; He didn't have the Deep South Bible Belt
States Opportunity, still in Desert Scarcity, to destroy my Soul then.
Hehe; Working for the Military for a Quarter of a Century was enough
to finish the rest of my Soul off; i came here with an Avatar of a Smiling
Baby; the one my Mother said had Open Arms for All Strangers; all i wanted
to do is Feel the Love For All that Child in me Once Innocently Felt in Childhood then.
Some Folks Don't even have that Reference Point; They Have No Idea that Heaven Love Exists.
My Wife Still had it; i wanted what she had so Desperately that i used her name as my
First Facebook Name all alone with no Friends outside my Home; i didn't want to be a girl
like her; i just wanted that divine loving spirit that smiled within her she shared and lit up
When She Connected to Others; same one my Mother Always had but never Lost as she was
also on a Bi-Polar Spectrum; but staying high never going Low like i did for 7 Years in my life.
She Was a Beautiful Poet, Just by the Nature of Her Life Starting Writing in Shapes like i do now
in her 50's as i Naturally did at 53; I hated Poetry then; i could not understand why she would do
it; or why folks would read it. But of course, i did not have An Inner Voice of Love in Soul As Poetry
Brings and Nourishes to Motivate Every Physical Action in Life, Through Inner Forces of Positive Emotions now.
My God; They Never taught this in School.
My God; They Never Taught this In Church
Now My God Love Lives in me Free to Give and
Share as My God Love is as real as anything i have
experienced in Life; i understand now that Poetry was
only the Shell of Her God of Love That Lived within her;
Really no Different than a Tiny Nautilus Reflects, 'Building
More Stately Mansions' of Nautilus Shells Reflecting the Entire
Milky Way FOR REAL;
i know (FEEL) for
sure there would
be no more Bullies in
the World if they could
See Love the way i FEEL God For Real AS LoVE NoW.
And i understand why they Can Not ; Will Not; and
Do Not Now For i come from Similar 'Trump Breeding Grounds', indeed;
They know (Feel/Sense) not what they do; as neither did i until
i gained these Eyes and Ears that are truly 'Seeing Hearing' Breathing Love.
Yes, For me at
Least, 1 Second
Where i am now
E T E R N A LL Y NoW
LoVE is worth all the
5 Decades
Before
When
Basically
i am the Living Dead then.
Smiles, my FRiEnD, i See
'Dead People' all over my Town;
in Church, Online, Everywhere i go;
And if i was not dead before in Living
Hell, i would have never gained this 'sight'
to understand the difference between Hell
and Heaven on Earth; so indeed, i write about both;
It Takes a Bi-Polar Person to Fully See Heaven and Hell;
And it probably Takes a Person With Asperger's
Syndrome to find some Systemizing Way to
Even Possibly Reach A Soul With No Breath;
i don't 'know';
i just see
and
hear
this and
Breath it again...
Have a Nice Day my FRiEnD;
Thanks for the Words that
You Hear and See Part of
what i do too; it's not
possible NOT
to give
and share
Heaven to the
Best of one's abilities,
to all others, when one
Lives here as it's a Natural
Part of this Home now to give and share free..
It Seems That Higher Points in Systemizing
Standard IQ is indeed a Road Block to Heaven WiTHiN;
It only makes Common Sense as it IS A LIMITING INTELLIGENCE.
Smiles,
-A Somewhat
Reformed Straight
A Student NoW into
More Of A Spiraling S Now of Hope..
i got Here in the Middle of An Autistic Burn-out at 33 Months, in a total
of 66 Months that my Air Force Reserve Major Psychiatrist said was the
Most Hopeless Case he had ever dealt with; willing to see if he could get
An Experimental Vagal Nerve Stimulator Basically to Bring my Dead Soul of Emotions Back to Life.
(My Insurance Wouldn't Cover that or the 'Tran-cranial Magnetic Stimulation' He suggested either)
i Remember, when i first went in to see him; really terrified as i always knew i was
Different than most other folks and really my Sister was the only one close to like
me, in the Area i lived in; as yes, she was eventually diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome too.
i had dealt With Chronic Stress at work in Navigating Mostly the Social World for 11 Years;
with the Last two in Acute Fight or Flight Stress; as all that was my Soul was slowly drifting
Away into a Black Abyss, where there would be no reference point back, if i ever felt a Smile
for my Entire Life for the 66 Months, i spent in that Black Abyss, with 19 Medical Disorders;
including Type Two Trigeminal Neuralgia; Yes, the Worst Pain Known to Humankind
in my Entire Existence then from Wake to Sleep, no drug would touch; the Psychiatrist
initially asked, "Why don't you use something other than the Adrenaline of
Anxiety and Fear to Motivate Yourself"; i had no frigging clue
what he was talking about; or how a person could possibly
Motivate themselves With E-MoTioNS as Slow as i Possibly
Could have been in Emotional Intelligence; but of course where
i am from in 'Trump Town USA', if a Boy Smiled They would be called
the F Word and Not Fred and threatened with Bodily Harm; as at the City
Park for Playing Tennis and the Middle School Halls, Boys with Emotions were not allowed;
at least by the Other Onward Christian Marching Soldier Boys who had Big Daddy's Training
Them Still to Be Desert Warriors of Scarcity; 'Destroying' Folks Who Look and Act different in 'Tribal Warfare'.
In Other Words, i understand
the Nature of 'The Beast';
i understand where
Bullies come from;
And i do have the Patience
of 'Job' For them as i surely know
What Environment Gardens them
And Doesn't Flower them the same
way my Mother Did; Without the Influence of
my Military and Law-Enforcement Patriarchal
Father Leaving at age 3; He didn't have the Deep South Bible Belt
States Opportunity, still in Desert Scarcity, to destroy my Soul then.
Hehe; Working for the Military for a Quarter of a Century was enough
to finish the rest of my Soul off; i came here with an Avatar of a Smiling
Baby; the one my Mother said had Open Arms for All Strangers; all i wanted
to do is Feel the Love For All that Child in me Once Innocently Felt in Childhood then.
Some Folks Don't even have that Reference Point; They Have No Idea that Heaven Love Exists.
My Wife Still had it; i wanted what she had so Desperately that i used her name as my
First Facebook Name all alone with no Friends outside my Home; i didn't want to be a girl
like her; i just wanted that divine loving spirit that smiled within her she shared and lit up
When She Connected to Others; same one my Mother Always had but never Lost as she was
also on a Bi-Polar Spectrum; but staying high never going Low like i did for 7 Years in my life.
She Was a Beautiful Poet, Just by the Nature of Her Life Starting Writing in Shapes like i do now
in her 50's as i Naturally did at 53; I hated Poetry then; i could not understand why she would do
it; or why folks would read it. But of course, i did not have An Inner Voice of Love in Soul As Poetry
Brings and Nourishes to Motivate Every Physical Action in Life, Through Inner Forces of Positive Emotions now.
My God; They Never taught this in School.
My God; They Never Taught this In Church
Now My God Love Lives in me Free to Give and
Share as My God Love is as real as anything i have
experienced in Life; i understand now that Poetry was
only the Shell of Her God of Love That Lived within her;
Really no Different than a Tiny Nautilus Reflects, 'Building
More Stately Mansions' of Nautilus Shells Reflecting the Entire
Milky Way FOR REAL;
i know (FEEL) for
sure there would
be no more Bullies in
the World if they could
See Love the way i FEEL God For Real AS LoVE NoW.
And i understand why they Can Not ; Will Not; and
Do Not Now For i come from Similar 'Trump Breeding Grounds', indeed;
They know (Feel/Sense) not what they do; as neither did i until
i gained these Eyes and Ears that are truly 'Seeing Hearing' Breathing Love.
Yes, For me at
Least, 1 Second
Where i am now
E T E R N A LL Y NoW
LoVE is worth all the
5 Decades
Before
When
Basically
i am the Living Dead then.
Smiles, my FRiEnD, i See
'Dead People' all over my Town;
in Church, Online, Everywhere i go;
And if i was not dead before in Living
Hell, i would have never gained this 'sight'
to understand the difference between Hell
and Heaven on Earth; so indeed, i write about both;
It Takes a Bi-Polar Person to Fully See Heaven and Hell;
And it probably Takes a Person With Asperger's
Syndrome to find some Systemizing Way to
Even Possibly Reach A Soul With No Breath;
i don't 'know';
i just see
and
hear
this and
Breath it again...
Have a Nice Day my FRiEnD;
Thanks for the Words that
You Hear and See Part of
what i do too; it's not
possible NOT
to give
and share
Heaven to the
Best of one's abilities,
to all others, when one
Lives here as it's a Natural
Part of this Home now to give and share free..
It Seems That Higher Points in Systemizing
Standard IQ is indeed a Road Block to Heaven WiTHiN;
It only makes Common Sense as it IS A LIMITING INTELLIGENCE.
Smiles,
-A Somewhat
Reformed Straight
A Student NoW into
More Of A Spiraling S Now of Hope..
Thank you for sharing your story. It must have been impossible for you to survive without harm in the Bible Belt culture of masculinity.
Honestly, I am sensitive to poetry and reading your posts is hard for me to bear because I can't handle the emotional intensity of them. I believe this is the way you are. I am a logical and this is the way I am.
Is it okay if I read your posts only when I'm in a state of higher emotional capacity?
28 Jul 2020, 6:23 pm
magz wrote:
aghogday wrote:
Smiles, Dear Friend; Been Visiting this Internet Site for Nearly 10 Years.
Thank you for sharing your story. It must have been impossible for you to survive without harm in the Bible Belt culture of masculinity.
Honestly, I am sensitive to poetry and reading your posts is hard for me to bear because I can't handle the emotional intensity of them. I believe this is the way you are. I am a logical and this is the way I am.
Is it okay if I read your posts only when I'm in a state of higher emotional capacity?
Smiles, Magz, this is probably
gonna be a post you wanna read
in a state of Higher Emotional Capacity too; i surely, completely Understand; Thank You.
Smiles; Thanks for Caring. Actually, i am Extremely Logical too; And Can Turn it on in a
Turn of A Coin; And Change And Go Back the Other Way; However, Now It Depends of course
on what i am Discussing; there really isn't a Need for me to live in a World of Making Technical
Lists, And Solving Analytical Problems at 'Work' as that's what 'they' used me for most; no matter
What Job i was in then..
Smiles; Whenever i Write, There is A Song From my Fingers that's Hard to Describe;
Never the Less; It's a Dance And Song in Union together that's really bliss in 'Soul Flow'.
Haha; i can turn back to logic in a turn of a coin; but i must Sing it's Not easy
As A Dance And Song in Flow Is A Bliss, i never Felt Before; Anyway, when i first
recovered, in 2013, my First Facebook Friend actually Had the Nickname of 'Mags',
in Fact, She Used to Post Here; Her Name was Mags Burch; Out of all the Online Communities
for Autism; When i was recovering a Bit; She was one of Very Few Who Treated me like a Human Being;
She and Additionally Another Moderator Named Leah, Who i'm actually still Friends with; It's rare
that i receive Reciprocal Communication here; but one thing i cannot go without doing is Returning
Communication Back to Someone else; My Form of Autism is surely Not in the Norm either, Overall.
But Hey; as Your Signature Says; i surely agree, 'Normal' is Not necessarily Mentally Healthy;
And Surely Not fun; hehe..
i Remember When my First Love
at 19 Left me; My Emotions Were
So Powerful; All the Feelings
Everywhere really Decimated
me, to the point i could not
stand to listen
to Music
on the
Radio as it
all Hurt so intensely Emotionally
then but; The Bitter Sweet Part of
Grief and why the Emotions were
so intense is Oxytocin Drops-off
And Dopamine increases to Motivate
Us to Look Elsewhere for Connection;
Rather Dangerous though, when one is on
A Bi-Polar Spectrum; this indeed only makes
me 'Half-Vulcan'; as i've always Been Able to feel
Empathically, Everyone's Pleasure Or Pain, except when i lived in
the Deadzone for about 7 Years of my Life; 'Spock Soul Melding', indeed;
And Honestly From a Distance, Most Folks Mistake me as Law-Enforcement
As i surely inherited the Look and Body Type from my Father; but my Mother's
Soul of Love WiTHiN; Is Usually the Dominant Force that wills;
there are exceptions as it is very literally true i am as Strong as an
Orangutan as Science Shows Is Humanly Possible by Empirical Measure.
The Meditative Flow of Dance and the Meditative Flow of Writing
Has Allowed me to Regulate my Emotions And Integrate my Senses
in a way where the Emotions in my Words Fuel me Forward instead of
Overwhelming me; with a Kind of Shield around my Feeling 'Soul Essence';
i do Understand, How some of the Posts, i've Written Lately, will surely
Be Overwhelming to someone very sensitive that way; as really, i Color all
The Words in a way i would hope might wake someone's Soul Back Up who
has lost 'that Sensitivity'; as i remember the Song 'Fire Work' By Katie Perry so
intense Emotionally in 2010 as only one Art that even brought A Faint Feeling of Soul Back
in my 66 Months of Deadzone, most Recently;
As the Other Period of Around a Year, was in College.
Regulating Emotions
And Integrating Senses
is truly a Life Long Art;
And Really An Individual
Art that only the Individual
Will Find a Way to Master Through Wisdom
of Experience And Practice in what works as an Art of Life..
The Song 'Wide Awake' by Katy Perry Describes a Similar Trip out of Dark;
As Fearless as i am now with zero levels of Anxiety; i surely was a Man
'Trembling in a Wheel Chair Soul'
Before
in a
Basement of Hell at 47;
i was beyond any feeling
of Hope to ever come back
to any existence of wanting to Live at all.
i am Glad, i did not literally 'jump off that bridge' then;
For it's true, while i may not have had the ability to feel
a smile then; through my Public Dance At Least now the Living
Children i do not have is Smiles Provided to Others More than Stars in
the Sky to Count; Hehe; or Grains of Sand on a Fairly Large Beach; gonna
Leave a clip From the Movie 'Contact' too; as for me at least, it moved me in
a way that no other Movie did then Just for the Feeling of Being Connecting to
Everything in Existence Within;
As far as i will see that's Heaven;
The Other Place is not being connected at all.
To me; it's really that Simple and so very Real as Human Nature;
And Just how We Are Evolved Empathically With Love Arts of 'Soul' Best to Give and Share Free...
But i do come from a Very Small Nuclear Family of Females that brought that early on to me...
That
makes
all the
Difference
in a World of Love;
The Hug of a Nurturing touch..
Contact; Even More Difficult in A World of Masks Now;
Losing Effective use of my Eyesight and Hearing With
The Worst Pain Known to Humankind for 66 Months; Really Left me no choice
but to Turn my Soul into Words; as Deficit Becomes the opposite of Before..
i have a Propensity to go to A Dark Place not many will imagine; my Psychiatrist
Said that Usually it is only folks on the Autism Spectrum Who Will Go to Zero Point Emotions;
Thing about that is; the Decision making Process in doing stuff like making a TV Dinner in
Cognitive Executive Functioning Disappears; i couldn't even manage a Game of 'Tic Tac Toe'
And Of course that was 33 Months as a Shut-in not being able to do anything at all as
far as that goes; before i even came here on Thanks Giving Day of 2010; it's true
This
place probably
Did Save my life;
i Am Well Aware
there are likely more
than a Few Folks here
now who are in a similar
place as me before; who do not have what
it takes to connect; but might feel something anyway.
There are those Who Are Silent; who are looking for a way up..
i used to think, if i could Just 'Feed Vultures' My life would have some
meaning and
purpose.
Instead,
i watered
A Flower until
it Bloomed; A
Rise; A Rose of
me Out of Thorns to Flower too
With Butterfly Wings; Life is so Very Hard; Life is so Very
Strange; Life is Also So Very Good; Yet Always A Mix of
Order and Chaos
Making the
Chaos into
Magic Enough
to Enjoy Life as Cosmos Order Us
Is A Lifelong Breathing Loving Art of the Ages and Sages too..
Oh yeah; Pensacola Beach, in the Movie 'Contact'; i do have a certain
advantage living 'here', Just A Few Miles Away; i Focus more on the
Beach, For Years, than 'Footprints' of Ignorance; Now, i find the Beach Living as me too..
The Forest in my
BackYard is the SaMe..
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