Phone calls

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Hi everyone. To be honest, there's something I'm kinda confused about when it comes to phone calls. I'd like to explain in detail what I'm confused about, and what I need to know more about. Hope you can answer.

Basically, my first question would be, how'd you recommend to find out when is the right time to make a normal phone call to someone else, or when is the right time to only send a whatsapp message or SMS? I mean, I can understand what to do or how to react better when its someone I know, because then I know what their preferences are and if they enjoy texting more or phone calls more, and in what situations the one or other is better. But when its someone I dont know, it can be more difficult to find out.

Another thing I'm confused about, is would you say its better off to always answer the phone as long as I actually can and am not busy? Or would a bad mood, for example, would be a valid excuse not to answer the phone, regardless if the phone call is urgent or not. By valid excuse I mean to say, one that is acceptable by social standards, not if the other person necessarily considers it as valid excuse or not.

And, last thing. When I'm waiting for someone else to get back with me about something, would you say its okay to call myself one time to that person / place, if they havent gotten back with me, just for the purpose of reminding the other person about something.

I read what you wrote and I am not sure how to answer. It will take me deep thought and at the moment all I can use is surface thought as I am unable to think because of how I am. (I am not able to think at the moment or explain). Sorry.
I hope others are able to answer.

Quite a few of us on the spectrum are very anti-phones, even phone phobic. We might have the latest tech, but choose not to answer the phone, unless absolutely necessary. I was fine using the phone for my own business purposes, speaking with clients, parents etc, but I strongly prefer messaging or email these days. As for skyping ... hate it!

It’s not unusual for someone on the spectrum to hide their phone in a drawer and we could easily be charged with “neglect” of our phones and would definitely not hesitate to plead guilty !

Talking face to face (or by Skype or Zoom, provided your internet connection is good) is best for complicated conversations that could cover multiple topics or wander in several different directions. That way you can get more of an idea about how the other person is feeling / reacting, and you can discuss tangents, variations, unexpected complications etc. as they arise. And if there's a really complex bit of information to get across you can always draw a diagram!!

Letters can be just as detailed but obviously without the instant reaction from the other person(s) you're forced into pre-emptively covering more "what if?" options yourself, just in case, particularly if you're a typically Aspie neat freak and don't like loose ends. I find trying to cover every possible angle on something very exhausting, even though it appeals to my sense of accuracy. The big advantage with letters is, they're relatively binding. So if you have a dispute with work, for example, it's best to put everything in writing and make sure they do the same. That way if they lie, you can prove it.

E-mails and text messages are best for straightforward communication, where the range of possible responses is very limited. Otherwise if there's lots to say it gets really complicated really quickly, and ultimately it would be quicker and easier to phone up.

Phone calls are most useful for things of moderate complexity, or great urgency. I don't like trying to discuss anything too complicated by phone, particularly if signal strength isn't good. Nor will I discuss anything too important, because thinking on my feet under pressure isn't a strong point. And the sudden urgency aspect I strongly dislike. I find it quite presumptive to assume I'm free at that moment to be at someone else's beck and call, when actually I might be busy and concentrating. I normally let people leave messages and then I'll phone them back when I'm ready.

Having said that, my parents are getting pretty old now, and I will need to start paying more attention to my phone in case they fall ill. Not listening to messages for 7 days isn't satisfactory when you live a long way from your parents and they're in their 70s.

I hate making phone calls to unfamiliar places. I usually get a young receptionist who's never heard an accent in her life.

Nah, I can't help much.
Thinking about phone calls messes with my head.
This probably doesn't answer your specific queries, but here's what I do:

For work, I usually email. Probably >95% of the time.
I only call people if there's something that needs to be approached gently, to tell them in advance that I'll be sending them an email about it. This seems to be important so as not to freak people out. Like, you don't want to be sending cold something like: "heard you stuffed that project up, now the boss wants to see you"

If people call me at work I try to answer every time because it's expected, and to call back if I miss one.
Though there have been odd occasions I didn't feel up to answering and let it ring out.
Best not to do that though, in most jobs one is expected to be contactable.

Luckily nobody calls me much.
Which is probably not something to celebrate, and yet...