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jamie0.0
Deinonychus
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Age: 27
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Location: melbourne, australia

01 Apr 2024, 11:38 pm

I asked dad if I could get $5 for some sweets at the milk bar

"$5????" He said
"Boy when I was your age, you could walk in the milk bar with 50 cents and come back with a loaf of bread, a carton of milk and some food for the dog"
He then added "you can't do that now days, there's security cameras everywhere"



belijojo
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08 Apr 2024, 8:01 pm

We have two problems: too few babies and too many new graduates.
As long as new graduates apply to be babies, both problems will be solved at the same time.


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lostonearth35
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20 Apr 2024, 5:05 pm

Why wasn't the life guard able to rescue the drowning hippie?

Because he was just too far out, maaan.



Sillylilgoober
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 12 Oct 2023
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Location: Papas cheeseria

01 May 2024, 12:13 pm

So this fish ask me about the waves after i surfed and i said "i dont know the current news"


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why are mosquitoes so rude if i allow you to suck my blood you shouldn't make me itchy!! !


ToughDiamond
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02 May 2024, 6:34 pm

PATIENT: I feel that everybody is ignoring me, as if I were invisible.
PSYCHIATRIST: Next, please.



ToughDiamond
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02 May 2024, 6:47 pm

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint, drinks it, urinates all over the floor, and runs away.
The man comes back after a few days and orders a pint.
The landlord refuses, reminding him of his previous behaviour.
"Please give me another chance," the man begs, "I've been getting psychiatric help and it's working very well."
So the landlord relents and sells him a pint.
The man drinks it and urinates all over the floor.
The landlord says "I thought you said your psychiatric help was working well?"
The man replies "That's right, I don't get embarrassed about it any more."



lostonearth35
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03 May 2024, 7:19 pm

A man goes into a pet store and says, "I'd like to buy about 10 rats, 20 mice, a dozen or so beetles and around 150 cockroaches".

The cashier says, "I'm sorry, but we only have a few rats and mice. Why do you want all those animals?"

The man says, "Because I'm moving out of my apartment, and the landlord told me he wants it exactly the way it was on the day I moved in."



lostonearth35
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09 May 2024, 3:01 pm

What do you call a man who swims with sharks?

Chum.



mgurak
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25 May 2024, 1:10 am

Most of these are better said than written. But they're all mine, for better or worse.

Why couldn't the foal talk?
Because it was a little hoarse (horse).

It's a good thing horses can't vote. They'd always say "nay" ("neigh").

Parakeets have very discriminating tastes. Any time you put something in their cage they go "Cheap! Cheap!" ("Cheep! Cheep!")

When I was younger I thought about becoming a doctor but I was afraid I wouldn't have the patients (patience).

How does an electrician meditate?
Oohhmm, waaattt, vooolltt.


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LittleBeach
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Joined: 27 Apr 2024
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25 May 2024, 4:19 am

Why did the cheeseboard blow away?
Because of the strong bries