Things I miss for not being ''normal''

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chris1989
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25 May 2022, 2:41 pm

1) Not having maintained close friendships or relationships during school, college or university

2) Not being invited to things (a party, a day out or holiday other than family somewhere etc) due to having few friends

3) Not driving my own car at 17 (even though at time I had little interest in it but I had manuel lessons at 21 but found it difficult and at 24 had lessons in an automatic car and passed my hazard and theory tests at 27 and 28.)

4) Not having gone to university at 18 rather than at 22 when I had just started and after four months I stopped going due to stress and over-work.

5) Not having graduated from university and not having got a picture of myself with a graduation suit as though I've got somewhere.

6) Not having a paid job during and after university (even though I did voluntary work before I went on to do uni and after I left I had no job during a time when I was moving house at the time and for a time living in another county where I maybe didn't really want to be working in. I got my first paid job back in my own county at 26.

7) Not doing a job where I am my own boss and not already an extremely successful businessman (even though I know a part of me feels I wouldn't do that job.) I felt like the only one who wasn't much interested in being a ''yuppie''.

8 ) Not having had a ''wild night out'' with friends as though that will really achieve something in life. (I did go on a pub crawl around town with my sister and a few friends but ended up spending ages talking in a park and getting bored and I did go to a nightclub to see my stepmum's nephew playing in a band there but due to flashing lights and stuff in the club, I ended up sitting outside for most of the performance. It was not because I'm epileptic as I'm not.)

9) Not having found someone by now to settle down with (even though I've seen a number of people in their late 20s or early 30s getting married and starting families. It leaves me feeling left behind and making me think that they are glad that they want nothing do with me and just leave me behind. My sister has a son with her partner now even though they are not married.)

10) Not feeling like I've been at the peak of success, earning lots of money and having lots of friends which I seem to think during this period of your life is what you should be doing.



Joe90
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25 May 2022, 2:58 pm

Quote:
1) Not having maintained close friendships or relationships during school, college or university


I can relate to this one. Most NT teenagers I knew said they actually enjoyed school because it was a time they get to be the most social and get to be with their friends all day without their parents telling them what to do. I would like to have some nice memories of my teenage days to look back on.

Quote:
2) Not being invited to things (a party, a day out or holiday other than family somewhere etc) due to having few friends

I'm not usually included in social activities. Colleagues have made plans right in front of me but totally left me out without a second thought.

Quote:
5) Not having graduated from university and not having got a picture of myself with a graduation suit as though I've got somewhere.


Don't waste your energy feeling bad about that - I have 12 NT cousins (well one is undiagnosed Aspie I think) and only ONE of them went to university and graduated.

Quote:
6) Not having a paid job during and after university (even though I did voluntary work before I went on to do uni and after I left I had no job during a time when I was moving house at the time and for a time living in another county where I maybe didn't really want to be working in. I got my first paid job back in my own county at 26.


I didn't get my first paying job until I was 22. I spent 5 and a half long years on the dole, getting rejected from jobs time and time again.

Quote:
8. ) Not having had a ''wild night out'' with friends as though that will really achieve something in life. (I did go on a pub crawl around town with my sister and a few friends but ended up spending ages talking in a park and getting bored and I did go to a nightclub to see my stepmum's nephew playing in a band there but due to flashing lights and stuff in the club, I ended up sitting outside for most of the performance. It was not because I'm epileptic as I'm not.)


I've never done this either. I went to the pub a few times with my brother and a few of his friends when I was young, but I ended up going home before 10pm. I didn't have that desire to stay out until 3am like normal young adults do. I got bored and I didn't want to get drunk. I've never been clubbing either, and I've never had a group of friends to do those things with.

Quote:
9) Not having found someone by now to settle down with (even though I've seen a number of people in their late 20s or early 30s getting married and starting families. It leaves me feeling left behind and making me think that they are glad that they want nothing do with me and just leave me behind. My sister has a son with her partner now even though they are not married.)


This I have accomplished, but it might be because I'm a female. It seems easier for females on the spectrum to find dates and settle down, and I don't know why. To me the dating world seems easy. But the friendship world seems difficult and confusing. Well, not that difficult for me, they just make it difficult for being too shallow and selfish.

Quote:
10) Not feeling like I've been at the peak of success, earning lots of money and having lots of friends which I seem to think during this period of your life is what you should be doing.


I'll probably always be in cleaning jobs. While I love my job as a cleaner, I sometimes feel embarrassed about being a cleaner. But it's not the buckets and mops sort of cleaning, it's more of a deep-cleaning coaches sort of cleaning.


Yes, it isn't fair that some people have to be born on the spectrum - or with any disabilities really. It's best to just be born neurotypical, unless your autism makes you outstandingly clever and able to hyperfocus and not desire any friends and just work on getting rich by your restrictive interests. But sadly autism doesn't mean that for all of us. For most of us, autism is just some nuisance we are suffering with and holds us back from accomplishing what we want to do.


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temp1234
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25 May 2022, 6:18 pm

You don't need to compare yourself with others though I can understand your feeling of having "missed out" on so many things because I actually felt that way, too. However, I've learned to accept myself and now I'm actually happy to be me. I wouldn't want to be anyone else.

1) and 2) apply to me, but now I couldn't care less about that.

5) I didn't go to the uni graduation ceremony because it was sexist and they required male graduands to wear a tie.

7) Most people don't.

8] Many people are not interested in that.

9) Do YOU really want that? Or simply because others have it? I would kill myself if I had to marry a woman.

10) It's not too late to be successful. Forget about regrets about friends, parties, getting married etc and focus on doing something you like that will lead to a career.

Edit: The combination of 8 and ) produces 8). ] used instead.



Mountain Goat
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25 May 2022, 6:39 pm

chris1989 wrote:
1) Not having maintained close friendships or relationships during school, college or university

2) Not being invited to things (a party, a day out or holiday other than family somewhere etc) due to having few friends

3) Not driving my own car at 17 (even though at time I had little interest in it but I had manuel lessons at 21 but found it difficult and at 24 had lessons in an automatic car and passed my hazard and theory tests at 27 and 28.)

4) Not having gone to university at 18 rather than at 22 when I had just started and after four months I stopped going due to stress and over-work.

5) Not having graduated from university and not having got a picture of myself with a graduation suit as though I've got somewhere.

6) Not having a paid job during and after university (even though I did voluntary work before I went on to do uni and after I left I had no job during a time when I was moving house at the time and for a time living in another county where I maybe didn't really want to be working in. I got my first paid job back in my own county at 26.

7) Not doing a job where I am my own boss and not already an extremely successful businessman (even though I know a part of me feels I wouldn't do that job.) I felt like the only one who wasn't much interested in being a ''yuppie''.

8 ) Not having had a ''wild night out'' with friends as though that will really achieve something in life. (I did go on a pub crawl around town with my sister and a few friends but ended up spending ages talking in a park and getting bored and I did go to a nightclub to see my stepmum's nephew playing in a band there but due to flashing lights and stuff in the club, I ended up sitting outside for most of the performance. It was not because I'm epileptic as I'm not.)

9) Not having found someone by now to settle down with (even though I've seen a number of people in their late 20s or early 30s getting married and starting families. It leaves me feeling left behind and making me think that they are glad that they want nothing do with me and just leave me behind. My sister has a son with her partner now even though they are not married.)

10) Not feeling like I've been at the peak of success, earning lots of money and having lots of friends which I seem to think during this period of your life is what you should be doing.


I could say similar things about myself but though I learned to drive a manual car and had no real issues, other aspects you have mentioned you have actually beaten me to it! (Not trying to say it is a problem because I gave up on some of them when I realized that somehow I was never going to do some of those things such as pubs and nightclubs and some of the other things such as a high educational qualification etc.).

What I am saying is that as I am different I don't even try to do the things that others do. I just do my own thing which is lonely at times. Glad my Mum and I are close as she thinks in similar ways as I do.
Some say I should not be living at home with my Mum but if I didn't I would be alone and my Mum would have no one to talk to on her own wavelength who would understand her.


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Joe90
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25 May 2022, 6:47 pm

The grass is greener - that's the OP's problem. I know how he feels because I have the same problem.


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lostonearth35
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26 May 2022, 11:44 am

Things I missed from not being "normal"

Being pressured into smoking, drinking, or doing drugs by so-called friends

Becoming pregnant while still a teenager

Doing stupid and dangerous things just to fit in with other kids

Being a huge liar, because most NT teens are unbelievable liars and their parents should never trust a word they say. For example if they say they're going to the library to study with their friends, they're really going to go do drugs with their so called friends.

Following a stupid trend such as eating Tide Pods or choking each other

Swearing like a sailor with Hollywood Tourette Syndrome

Breaking into my parent's liquor cabinet. They didn't even have one, they kept their booze stored in the cupboard under the kitchen sink where it could be easily accessed to any time.

Stealing my father's cigarette's. And even if I did, it would have been more likely so I could flush the cancer sticks down to hell. :twisted:

Spending even one night in jail.



1986
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26 May 2022, 8:46 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
Stealing my father's cigarette's. And even if I did, it would have been more likely so I could flush the cancer sticks down to hell. :twisted:

I stole a cigarette from my dad once when I was 13. He caught me and forced me to smoke the entire package as a punishment.

That's turned out to be quite dumb as I developed an early taste for cigarettes and started smoking actively in my early 20s. (Been a non-smoker for 12 years now, tho.)

Speaking about things to miss out on, my own philosophy is that a lifetime is too short to do all the fun things in the world, so better just to accept the less-beaten path you've been put on and enjoy the scenery on the way.



Joe90
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27 May 2022, 4:46 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Things I missed from not being "normal"

Being pressured into smoking, drinking, or doing drugs by so-called friends

Becoming pregnant while still a teenager

Doing stupid and dangerous things just to fit in with other kids

Being a huge liar, because most NT teens are unbelievable liars and their parents should never trust a word they say. For example if they say they're going to the library to study with their friends, they're really going to go do drugs with their so called friends.

Following a stupid trend such as eating Tide Pods or choking each other

Swearing like a sailor with Hollywood Tourette Syndrome

Breaking into my parent's liquor cabinet. They didn't even have one, they kept their booze stored in the cupboard under the kitchen sink where it could be easily accessed to any time.

Stealing my father's cigarette's. And even if I did, it would have been more likely so I could flush the cancer sticks down to hell. :twisted:

Spending even one night in jail.


OK, so that happens to every NT teenager?

Some Aspies get sucked into that too.

Some NT teenagers find the right friends and don't get into drink, drugs or sex.


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Earthbound_Alien
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27 May 2022, 6:44 am

Joe90 wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
Things I missed from not being "normal"

Being pressured into smoking, drinking, or doing drugs by so-called friends

Becoming pregnant while still a teenager

Doing stupid and dangerous things just to fit in with other kids

Being a huge liar, because most NT teens are unbelievable liars and their parents should never trust a word they say. For example if they say they're going to the library to study with their friends, they're really going to go do drugs with their so called friends.

Following a stupid trend such as eating Tide Pods or choking each other

Swearing like a sailor with Hollywood Tourette Syndrome

Breaking into my parent's liquor cabinet. They didn't even have one, they kept their booze stored in the cupboard under the kitchen sink where it could be easily accessed to any time.

Stealing my father's cigarette's. And even if I did, it would have been more likely so I could flush the cancer sticks down to hell. :twisted:

Spending even one night in jail.


OK, so that happens to every NT teenager?

Some Aspies get sucked into that too.

Some NT teenagers find the right friends and don't get into drink, drugs or sex.


oi, being pissed is fun

having a hangover is not though 8O



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27 May 2022, 6:54 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Spending even one night in jail.


My father did time and he has AS.

I guess the only thing I miss when it comes to some of my disorder or illness is not "having" a wife in this life. Woe is me and all that, though. I wouldn't mind going back to private investigating too.

I don't care about most other normal things, though.



Caz72
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27 May 2022, 11:06 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Things I missed from not being "normal"

Being pressured into smoking, drinking, or doing drugs by so-called friends

Becoming pregnant while still a teenager

Doing stupid and dangerous things just to fit in with other kids

Being a huge liar, because most NT teens are unbelievable liars and their parents should never trust a word they say. For example if they say they're going to the library to study with their friends, they're really going to go do drugs with their so called friends.

Following a stupid trend such as eating Tide Pods or choking each other

Swearing like a sailor with Hollywood Tourette Syndrome

Breaking into my parent's liquor cabinet. They didn't even have one, they kept their booze stored in the cupboard under the kitchen sink where it could be easily accessed to any time.

Stealing my father's cigarette's. And even if I did, it would have been more likely so I could flush the cancer sticks down to hell. :twisted:

Spending even one night in jail.


ha
im autistic but i spent 10 years of my young life drunk or high and having sex with different guys every day and was always at pubs,clubhouses,music shows
i went on tours with the band players and even met celebrities but i was too drunk o r high to remember most of it

my nt sister done none of that
she went to college and got a degree and and didnt get into drugs or alcohol


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