Has anyone else been on both sides of the bullying equation?

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Joined: 20 Aug 2022
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09 Mar 2023, 9:22 am

Being the smallest kid in my class in elementary school (combined with being on the spectrum), obviously I got bullied.

I also became a bully. There was a kid 5 years younger than me across the street. I bullied him. I feel terrible about it in retrospect. All I wanted was to feel powerful (since I was always the powerless one among my own peers). The neighbor kid just so happened to be in the unfortunate position of being someone I could have power over.

Since the bullied often become the bully, perhaps some others on here have also been on both sides of the bullying equation.


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09 Mar 2023, 9:23 am

Who hasn't?


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09 Mar 2023, 10:36 am

Oh yeah. I was bullied a lot in elementary school, but back then I didn't bully others, not knowingly at least. Some might've seen my blunt speech as bullying, but back then I never meant any harm with it. Junior high, on the other hand... I still got bullied, but not as much. And I bullied this one girl in my class in order to be more accepted in the group since others liked to make fun of her too. I apologized last summer when I run in to her by coincidence and the topic of bullying came up, though she did wave off my apology as water under the bridge and went on about her biggest bully instead (who I remember as a jerk, but not as a particularly harmful one.) Then there's this one former classmate I would like to apologize to as well, not because I would've consciously bullied him, but because I've realized later on that some of the jokes I used to tell might've been a bit too much on the meaner side. Not that he ever complained about it and we got along good, so I highly doubt I caused any trauma for him even if he remembers, but I feel bad about it... and now that I put it like this, it sounds like I'd like to apologize more for my own peace of mind than his. :oops:

After junior high, I wasn't really bullied in school anymore; I mostly got ignored. I've heard some say that that's worse than being directly bullied, but as someone who has experienced both, I definitely disagree.


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09 Mar 2023, 2:43 pm

I've 'counter-bullied'. If someone wanted to mess with friends of mine who were less physically capable I'd be like gamebred pitbull.

I've bullied former bullies who've faced a social comeuppance.
I've treated former bullies with callous indifference when they've needed help (even very trivial help, like lending a pencil).
I've lost my s**t on one occasional bully due to the actions of different and unrelated bully.
I've engaged in 'pecking order' sorts of behaviours, especially when trying to fit in toxic social circles.

And I've had plenty of cases where someone decided I'd be an easy target for bullying only to discover they'd kicked a hornet's nest filled with maladjusted rage and poor coping skills. I'm not sure that always counts as bullying though, since usually it didn't persist longer than the antagonism did. A lot of the time this would lead to chasing the antagonist down until they were too exhausted to stand.

As a kid it was much easier to see instances where I was bullied than instances where I was the bully.

Actually, at my last factory job there was a guy who tried being a bully towards me, and I ended up starting something that people teased him with for years. I pointed out that he looks like Bert and said 'hey Bert' in an Ernie voice... a few people in the zone he didn't get along with started using 'hey Bert' to tease him and it stuck.

Never Again*.
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09 Mar 2023, 7:45 pm

Let's see...

I've been a bully.
I've been bullied.
I've countered bullied.
I've been countered bullied.
I've hunted bullies.
And some hunted bullied me.

What else..?
Ah, right.

I've been also an exception from bullies (within and without).
I've been also a bully who became exempted from the rules.
I've been a mediator between the bully and the bullied...

Otherwise, the most often I did was hunt bullies and counter bullies ranging from direct violence to indirect 'coincidences'.

At work?
There's no bullying. Not yet anyway. The place is too small to do any office politics.

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13 Mar 2023, 9:38 am

I was bullied a lot in elementary school but I was also often thought to be the bully when I was not trying to be. Sometimes it was because my bullies would stick together & lie & I had a bad rep but some other times I really did screw up. I sometimes misunderstood things & took things personally that were not really meant to be like friendly teasing & I got angry & acted out. I also had some behavior that came off to others as rude, offensive, & mean when I did not fully realize it. I sometimes tried to joke around & friendly tease but my jokes got interpreted the wrong way. I had some bad habits that I was not fully aware of like talking to myself or making other noises, & I also occasionally spit when I talked. People thought I was intentionally trying to cause problems & be difficult cuz of my OCD or other habits & needs & I'm sure that some of the times others bullied me it was because they got frustrated & reached their limit with me instead of them actually wanting to be mean towards me.

I really should not of been in mainstream school but my parents & family were the only ones who thought I was autistic. The schools & medical professionals thought I was too intelligent & communicated too well verbally to have anything on the autism spectrum. Some educational professionals thought I had Oppositional Defiant Disorder; there's a reason I like the idea of anarchy but I tried to follow the rules if they made sense to me & I could. I was supposed to receive accommodations in school for dyslexia & ADD but my elementary schools were note equipped to provide them & there were not really any known resources & assistance available for me then. My parents did not really have any alternatives or choices when it came to elementary schools except for throwing me to the wolves so to speak.

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Joined: 20 Feb 2013
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20 Mar 2023, 9:09 am

usually when nt bully it means empathy but when a autistic bully its lack of empathy

like one way street.double standards

Have diagnosis of autism.
Have a neurotypical son.