How to dress like everybody else?

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How can I dress like everybody else? I am almost 20 and whenever I look at group photos, everybody else is dressed in a similar way to each other but there is something decidedly odd about my look. I just look frumpy in comparison. I have absolutely no idea- what do "normal" people my age wear for an everyday look? (And please tell me I'm not the only one who has this problem!! )

This is a really common problem for a lot of us. I recently posted about clothes too.

Most of it is we just wear what is comfortable because of our sensory issues, and comfortable and fashion don't always mix.

I am 32, and still don't know what to wear. So don't feel bad. Clothes don't define you. They are a helpful tool in making a good impression, but they don't have anything to do with your worth.
The right people will accept you with frumpy clothes.

Not sure there is a way to do that, though I don't pay much mind to current fashion trends so I wouldn't even know what the typical style of dress is. Perhaps it would make more sense to focus on finding clothes that fit in a way you like and are clean...as I don't think there is necessarily a specific style everyone wears, people usually don't dress just like magazines or catalogs and in public you're not going to know who represents 'everyone else' and who represents people who dress somewhat differently.

You could find a more specific style you like and try and find clothes that style, as there would be averages in the style...but trying to dress like everyone else in general I think is impossible, you'd have to narrow it down to a more specific demographic or group you are trying to dress like. I know people in early 20's but not sure any of them dress 'normal' as I don't really hang out with normal people.

Two things that help to set a baseline are catalogs/magazines and analyzing what your peers wear. My sister is a huge fashionista, but like any other art/craft, it takes work. She stays aware of the latest runway trends and how they eventually filter down to mass marketed clothing styles. That's far too much work for me & I don't have her base knowledge, which took years to build up. So I just go according to my local environment since those are the people whose judgement will matter most anyway. I look at what my coworkers are wearing, and at lunch I analyze what other shoppers are wearing. Really, everything breaks down into a few basic groupings.

Some change quickly, such as things that change with the weather or season (long vs short, thick materials vs thin, light colors vs dark, accessories like scarves, boots vs sandals).

Others change far more slowly b/c even though fashion designers and corporations are trying to push new styles they are resisted (think: leggings and skinny jeans).

The thing is, it has to be something you consciously do from time to time to catch the changes. Luckily there are some personal styles that are relatively simple and only change much with temperature. But they will tend to make you invisible, if that's okay? (hint: they tend to be very comfortable)

When I lived in the UK I became more conscious of how I dressed and took note of what other women my age were wearing especially those that looked well but were not 'on trend'. I think following fashion requires a lot of time and energy, and its not for me, I don't understand it. Dresses are my favourite because I don't have to match a top with a bottom.

I found this(click) checklist online and kept a copy of it in my purse so that when I went shopping, or was going to buy a piece of clothing I checked the list first. It has taken a while, but building up some timeless staples in a wardrobe is well worth it, because they are never out of fashion, and if cared for they can last years.

Sites like this one http://www.thechicfashionista.com/wardrobe-essentials-2.html are also useful for explaining small details that others will notice.

Personally, I don't care at all. Unless I have to dress for work, then I carefully select the colours (I always dress in black, but for work I choose other colours that I tolerate but I avoid black, otherwise I would look creepy) and use decent shoes and pants, and always new clothes.

But for the everyday? No way. I learnt years ago not to care about it, cause even when I did care it was never succesful. And honestly, I don't make much efforts trying to fit with people who don't care about me, and I don't care about them, and no matter how much I try, I'm going to appear as odd anyway.

Just dress clean clothes, make sure they are not too old. Feel comfortable with them. Done.

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling comfortable looking different to others, but I do not. I just want to know how to blend in or dress like other people my age...

You want to pick colors that don't clash with your skin tone or hair color. There are plenty of articles on choosing the proper colors for your wardrobe. For example, don't wear dark navy if you have black hair.

My spouse just walked by, read over my shoulder and said, "Find frumpier friends".

There just might be some wisdom, there...

If you want to look like your friends, you should go shopping in the same stores they frequent. If you are in the US, you can go to cheap "fast fashion" places like Forever 21 or H&M. If you go to a department store, shop in the Juniors section to find clothes popular with young people--it is hard to find anything frumpy there. Be sure to "shop by touch" to determine materials that don't aggravate your sensory issues.

I was thinking exactly the same as the poster above me (arielhawksquill). The easiest way is probably by which shops you shop in.

In the UK, for clothes that you will blend in in (assuming you're under 30 or 40) H&M, New Look, Next are all pretty safe. Dorothy Perkins too should be reasonably OK. I think people shop a lot in Superdry too.

I like to shop in Fat Face and White Stuff because their clothes always feel nice, and are often in colours I like - turquoises, blues, pinks, purples, greens. They are more expensive but better quality.

You want to be careful with places like BHS, Marks and Spencer (they do have some stuff that is fine, and I always buy my underwear from there because it's good quality, fits well etc, but you need to know what you're looking for to know whether it's 'trendy' or not), Debenhams (again, some ranges are fine - I like Mantarray for reasons as above for Fat Face - and some aren't).

Definitely also echo 'shop by touch'. Try things on (as long as you can cope with changing rooms. If not, take home, keep receipts etc and try on at home and return if no good) and see if you are happy wearing them.

If you are happy wearing what you're wearing, I see no reason to change, but if it's making you feel out of place or that people are judging you before they've even spent time with you, or basically, if it's causing you a problem, there's no problem with changing either, if you can find something that you're happy with physically and psychologically I don't try and dress particularly the same as or different from other people, but as I grew up I went through the same process you're going through now, of trying to find 'socially acceptable' clothes I was happy in.

Hope some of that helps a bit!

I don't personally see why it matters that you dress like everyone else. If you don't like how you look in the clothes, that's fair enough but you don't have to look like all your friends. If you like your clothes and you like how you like how you look in them then it doesn't matter what they wear. Whatever makes you comfortable.

I have a large bust, am somewhat overweight but my legs are quite athletic looking. Basically, I'm quite top heavy, so usually I wear clothes that call attention to the parts of my body I am most fond of and understates the parts that I don't like. It's really about trying on lots of clothes and see how they suit you. Eventually you get good at spotting the clothes that you might potentially look good in. But I'm mostly concerned about practicality so I don't get too caught up with aesthetic.

Reading online articles and books about how to dress really helped me. Fashion magazines absolutely did not, as those are often either trendy, extreme, or serve as inspirational for people who know how to make it practical. I would recommend online research to figure out your body shape/type, then the clothing recommended for that type, and then online research for basic style types - e.g. classic, romantic, etc - you'll see what I mean. Then see if there is one that suits your personality more. The "French" wardrobe is an easy way to keep things minimalist while always looking put together.

So the reason I emphasized figuring out your body type and trying to dress accordingly is because that will help you find a good "fit" for your wardrobe - where clothing that really fits your body and body type is 85% of not looking frumpy. You can dress head to toe in black wearing baggy and ill-fitting (or even just not quite fitting) clothing and look frumpy, whereas if you dress head to toe in black but wear clothing that fits you well, you will look chic.

So...fit, fit, fit! At minimum. Then style, if you like/can. Keep it simple - keeping things simple also makes it less likely to make some crazy fashion mistake, looking tacky, frumpy, etc. For example, I am naturally attracted to patterns that might look cool as drapes, table cloth, wallpaper, computer background, etc....but look terrible as clothing (which I didn't realize when I was younger, so my clothes looked crazy without me even realizing it!). For me, switching to solid colors and trying to be more discerning with patterns has helped me look nicer - and it has slowly changed my taste as well. Now if I am so tempted to wear something a bit out there, I do it with my earrings. It's a small touch.

Also, figure out what you need to be comfortable the most, and start from there. For some, it may be the type of material. For me, it is my feet. I dress from my feet first. Meaning, I recognized that my feet easily get uncomfortable, and that ruins things fast for me. So I invested in comfortable but decently nice looking shoes - they are not high fashion, but I don't care, I love their look well enough, and I LOVE that they are comfy and practical. I found one brand that works best for me: Cobb Hill. But different feet will like different brands. I just make sure that the shoes I want to wear that day based on weather and activities will "go" with the outfit I want to comfortably wear that day (again, based on weather, activities, and also event appropriateness). I am not fashionable looking at all, but because everything fits, I look fine.

Something I only recently noticed - shoes and bags make a HUGE difference in the overall outfit - they can make your nice outfit look totally frumpy/dumpy, or they can take a very ordinary outfit and make them look chic. So don't forget to pay attention to those. Again, you don't have to look like a fashionista, but just paying attention can at least help us look more neutral/fitting in rather than frumpy. The way that I learned to tell which shoes and bags go and don't go with certain outfits was by using Pinterest boards - I would search different outfits and categorize them into what I thought looked nice and didn't, then I went back and found patterns and "whys" for the nice vs. the frumpy. Once I was able to see the patterns, it has helped me see nice vs. frumpy when I look in the mirror while constructing an outfit. It is indeed a construction process. For those who have a minimalist wardrobe, then they don't need many different styles of shoes to look put together. But for me, I have found that owning more types of things has made dressing well MUCH easier, because I have all the "tools" I need for constructing a nice outfit. Whereas a fashioinista can figure out how to "work" a pair of shoes into different types of outfits, I don't have the eye for that. So strangely, although I didn't care about shoes....it was that lack of caring and lack of eye for it that led to my frumpy look! (Well, partially). So once I had a number of different styles, it became MUCH easier to put together an outfit that didn't look frumpy, because I could just change shoes until one combination worked. Having only one or two pairs of shoes doomed my outfits, because I found that different length, style, color of skirt, and different events, really required different styles of shoes to look put together. Same with bags. So no need to go overboard....but I found it SO much easier to just have more "tools" to work with.

Last but not least, don't forget to look in the mirror while deciding on which shoes, which bag, or other accessories - look in the mirror before leaving! It helps me avoid mistakes and pick up on things I have forgotten. When I forget, well, sometimes I have only one earring in, or the shoes look ridiculously frumpy with a particular outfit, etc. Also I have to remember to check the weather and pay attention to it - just a month ago I went out in cold weather wearing a summery skirt and sandals. I chose to laugh at myself about it with friends, so we all had a chuckle at how silly it was I had simply forgotten to think about whether my natural inclination for what I wanted to wear matched up with the actual weather.

Hope this helps!

I did a lot of research, similar to Maple78. It helped, but it took up too much of my brainspace to keep it up. I had to think about it a lot every morning. And then I started systemizing and organizing...it was too much. That being said, you may be able to do it without obsessing and turning it into a special interest. If so, a bit of reading, some personal measurements, and identifying what kind of style you want to emulate by paging through online store catalogs will help.

A possible shortcut, if you're comfortable: have the store dress you. Many upscale places will give you a free personal shopper, but I know some more affordable places that do it, too. JCrew and Banana Republic are examples. They will talk to you, evaluate things you try on, and spend an hour or more with you. I found that REALLY uncomfortable, but I did get a "normal" wardrobe out of it...which I then systemitized and obsessed over.

Now I wear the same thing every day: a black dress, tights or leggings (thickness depends on the weather), a choice of high or low boots (again, on the weather), and a scarf. I add a jacket or sweater if it's cold. Sometimes I buy something when I'm out, so once every few months I have to go purge my closet of the extra items when they nag at me to come organize them.

You can wear a black dress anywhere. I have a weird size, so for me getting something that fits was tricky. And occasionally I do have to replace it. I bought several, in a few different styles (they look very different to me, but my husband can't tell them apart).

Take a look at this, if you are interested in building your own uniform. You can find ONE LOOK that looks "normal" and just repeat tiny permutations of it every day: http://blog.timoni.org/post/24619757935/why-i-wear-the-same-thing-every-day-and-what-i

^ Hi dryope, its nice to see your posts again.

Since my last post in this thread I have had to do some work clothing updating.

One colleague asked me why I always wear black, and why don't I wear more cheerful colours and tighter fits more suited to my age, it felt like a dig, especially when she said it a second time, but it turned out that she said to my face what everyone else was thinking/commenting on but not saying to me. I kind of shot the messenger with a cutting retort the last time she said it.
My boss is quite a stylish person, and everyone else I work with is too. The mostly female staff value the aesthetics.

So I went shopping with one of them, who is quite similar to me physically. I described what I was looking for to her and she literally handed me the pieces of clothes to make an on trend outfit, as we walked through the shops she also pointed out the styles and cuts to suit my shape and frame. It was a great help, I learned from that experience. So an edit to my previous post and similar to other posters advice: go shopping with someone stylish who is physically similar to you, or opt for a complimentary personal shopper, Topshop for example provide the service if you book in advance.

Hi Amity -- good to be back here. I was doing well and had a stressful family situation and got a little worse. I needed to be with "my kind" for a while.

I'm glad you had a good experience with shopping. It's good advice for others', too. I think I've gone into the zone where I want to look like "me" more than I want to fit in, but that's a personal choice. Take care.