Page 2 of 3 [ 37 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Chibi_Neko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,485
Location: Newfoundland, Canada

01 Mar 2010, 6:43 pm

Nothing wrong with it all, but I can see how it can get one down.
I think I may be asexual, while I do find men attractive, I don't care for sex, and I pretty much look at it as a chore, I'm not even really fond of hugs, when my husband hugs me I tense up. When I tell him that I am not in hug or cuddly mood, he says "But I am" and will just hug into me.

I try my very best to bare with it because I know he likes it, but then it makes me feel that it just about him. I like back rubs and leg rubs, that's it, being rubbed anywhere else makes me feel.. I dunno, full of anxiety, and keeping it in is the most difficult thing I ever have to do, on a daily bases no less. I love my husband to death, but stuff like that is very difficult to explain to someone who doesn't have that issue, and I know how men are when it comes to sex, they just want it.


_________________
Humans are intelligent, but that doesn't make them smart.


nika7
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 42

05 Apr 2010, 8:26 pm

I hope so...

I am 23 and have never been in a dating relationship of any sort. I never really plan to be.



Celoneth
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 526

06 Apr 2010, 2:30 pm

I think it's ok - I've had sex in the past and it was boring and uncomfortable and the faces guys make when having sex creep me out - haven't been with anyone in years and it's perfectly fine with me.



Stone_Man
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 8 Aug 2009
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 266
Location: retired wanderer in the Southwest deserts

07 Apr 2010, 1:19 pm

Beatlegal wrote:
I happen to be asexual because I'm not comfortable with doing the you-know-what. Whenever I tell them that I'm asexual, they think it's a bunch of nonsense.


In the words of an old folk song from the 60's ...

you are what you are,
and you ain't what you ain't.



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,786

08 Apr 2010, 8:21 am

Beatlegal wrote:
Okay,
My parents are expecting me to be in a relationship so they can have grandkids. I happen to be asexual because I'm not comfortable with doing the you-know-what. Whenever I tell them that I'm asexual, they think it's a bunch of nonsense. I tried to get a guy to like me in high school, but he said "I have to think about college." Translation: I have a girlfriend who is normal and priettier than you.


I don't agree with your translation. This guy may have seen you as a nice girl he'd like to marry but he may have 1,000 years of education in front of him. He couldn't concentrate on his studies and worry about you at the same time. Plus, your name probably wasn't on the verbal list of "good-bangers". There are actually guys out there who won't use you and then toss you aside like yesterday's cup of coffee. Hard to even fathom but it's true. Now, about being asexual: you have a right to be what you want to be. The people pressuring you could die tomorrow and then you'd be stuck in a life you never wanted in the first place. I have a close friend who didn't like sex at all but met a man who had shame about the small size of his tool. They hit it off real well sexually BUT after getting to know and like each other very much. She liked foreplay but didn't like penetration. With him, it was pleasant because he was really small. They've been married for five years and have a baby now.



zee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,280
Location: on a cloud

08 Apr 2010, 1:01 pm

I also wonder if 'not being comfortable' having sex counts as asexual--isn't it just a lack of sexual desire altogether? Just wondering...



pineapple
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Apr 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 573
Location: california

10 Apr 2010, 12:39 am

In my opinion, this is the best explanation of asexuality:

Heterosexual= sexually attracted to the opposite sex
Homosexual= sexually attracted to the same sex
Bisexual= sexually attracted to either sex
Asexual= not sexually attracted to anyone

I think it makes a lot more sense in a framework with the other orientations. This is an example.



anomie
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 201

10 Apr 2010, 6:06 am

PinkieOfDoom wrote:
Last spring I told her I was bisexual and she was like, "Oh" and then got on my case about it like it was y fault for joining rugby (it's known for being a gay team at my university).


Off the subject but I couldn't help quoting this because it reminds me of something similar my Mum said when I told her I was seeing a woman.

She said I must have gotten ideas when I took a Feminist Philosphy course at Uni!!

A few weeks after that I saw an Ali G sketch where he interviewed some famous feminist and the joke was that he thought feminist meant lesbian. So basically, my mother is as stupid as Ali G's character. And this is who they allow to be a teacher and influence generations of young kids.



jojobean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk

10 Apr 2010, 10:01 am

Tell your parrents that you are not doing it for world peace
The planet is overpopulated as it is. Why does ppl think chosing not to bear children is so weird...I dont know, but I think something went very wrong in human reproduction. The rest of the primates have a heat cycle, so does most other mammals with the exception of rodents and humans. I read in "the Great Mother Goddess" that female reproductive systems have evolved very much and one of the key changes is going from a heat cycle to a menastual cycle....which is what is responsible for humans over populating the planet. So your choice is a very eco-conscious one.


_________________
All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin


PunkyKat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,492
Location: Kalahari Desert

20 Apr 2010, 11:44 pm

My parents will NEVER have grandchildren from me...at least the human kind. I don't care what other people think. I don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend. I am happy by myself and don't need any sort of sexual relationship. I find hugging and kissing just as repulsive as intercourse.



Things
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 25

22 Apr 2010, 7:48 am

There's nothing wrong with it, it's just a different type of sexuality like heterosexuality or homosexuality. It just happens to be a lot more rare than most kinds of sexuality.

It hurts no one, and it's just who you are. So, yeah, it's 'ok' to be asexual.



faithfilly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 680

03 May 2010, 2:01 pm

Being asexual doesn't automatically mean you'll never be pregnant.


_________________
"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2


mightypen515
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 143

30 Jan 2011, 2:34 pm

I've always found it really strange when parents pressure their children for grandchildren. I find it even stranger when the parents live all the way across the country. Like they'll see their grandchildren, what, a couple of times a year. What about what their child wants? When does the child's wants become important? Why is having grandchildren so important that they have to pressure their child into a sexual relationship? I like what RightGalaxy said above,"The people pressuring you could die tomorrow and then you'd be stuck in a life you never wanted in the first place."

I wonder, when a grown child is pressured for grandchildren, can the grown child suggest that his or parents adopt a baby? Or get a puppy, or a hobby? Or join a social club or civic club? Is that a rude thing to suggest to your parents? I don't know. In my mind's eye, I see a young woman listening to her parents beg her for grandchildren, and she pulls pamphlets out of her purse and explains about a Lions Club and a Chamber of Commerce and a knitting or crocheting club, poker tournaments, etc. I laugh when I think about that. I'm not laughing at your parents at all, so if you're offended, I'm really sorry. I'm on your side.

You're fine if you're asexual, i.e., not attracted to either sex.
You're fine if you don't want to have sex for any reason you choose. It's your body, nobody else has a right to decide that you should have sex if you don't want to. Besides, I think it's been a trend for about 10 or 15 years for a person to be MUCH more concerned with someone else's sex life rather than their own. It's kind of an obsession among NTs, I daresay it's a mental illness, but maybe that's just my bias against social trends speaking here. They go farther than that often, by rubbernecking your answers to whatever nosy questions they're asking.
Some people are uncomfortable with sex for a host of reasons. If it bothers you that you are uncomfortable, people might suggest you explore the reason you are uncomfortable. But if it doesn't bother you, and you don't focus on it, then it starts to get weird when other people obsess about your sex life or lack thereof. Girl, you are living a life that's a little less complicated, and I applaud you for it. You got a lot less baggage. You spend way less money or none at all on birth control and tests and shots. You don't cry yourself to sleep when some jerk doesn't call you back.

Personally, I don't find the idea of parenthood appealing. My life is complicated enough as it is without inviting another responsibility into my life, especially one as all-encompassing as raising a child. My sister gave my parents their grandkids. I gave them grandkitties.



Bloodheart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,194
Location: Newcastle, England.

30 Jan 2011, 3:08 pm

zee wrote:
I also wonder if 'not being comfortable' having sex counts as asexual--isn't it just a lack of sexual desire altogether? Just wondering...


Asexuality isn't a matter of not having sexual desire, but instead it's a matter of lacking the motivation to act on those sexual feelings - asexual people may have sexual desire, they just don't act on it. I think of it very much like bisexuality; being attracted to both male and female doesn't mean all bisexuals feel the same way about both sexes...sexuality isn't black and white, it's different shades of grey. I'd say OP definitely falls into the category of being asexual.

And to the OP - it's fine to be asexual.
Your parents may want grandchildren but it's not up to them, it's to be expected that they're hopeful you will give them grandchildren, as an asexual you might still do that (you may find one day you want sex, you may get pregnant without sex, you may adopt, etc.) but it's the same as if you were homosexual or if you choose not to be a 'breeder' - they have to respect that, if they can't then simply tell them once that this is the situation and leave it there, don't get into a discussion with them about it as it's not your problem if they don't understand or respect who you are.


_________________
Bloodheart

Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.


Stellar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,249
Location: California

31 Jan 2011, 7:20 am

It's okay to be anything you want to be as long as you're not hurting yourself or infringing upon the rights of others. Hopefully your parents can understand that soon.



aFiendishThingy
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17
Location: WV, USA

10 Apr 2011, 10:40 pm

I used to wonder if I was a lesbian.. but then it occurred to me that while being also very pleasant to look at, females don't really arouse sexual desire in me either. I long for relationships when I'm not in one, but I've come to realize recently that it's pretty much only the emotional and intellectual connection that I crave. It's not necessarily that I'm frightened of sex or anything, though. Heck, I dated a guy in high school for almost a year and a half, and didn't once have intercourse with the poor guy - not because I was "uncomfortable" with the idea, but because it simply never occurred to me! I absolutely love hugging someone I'm close to, and touching skin, but nothing beyond that. I've only masturbated once or twice, and wasn't a big fan. I don't even like kissing.
I see this becoming a problem with the guy I've been in a relationship with for six months (during which time it's occurred to me that I'm probably asexual)... He has a healthy sexual appetite, and I just go ahead and do it every once in a while because it's what he wants, even though I never enjoy it and always spend the whole time "faking it" while waiting for it to be over... Something about that doesn't seem right, and I feel he realizes what I'm doing. We've talked about it a couple times, and he says he understands, but he still seems to think it's just self-esteem issues or some kind of childhood trauma "holding me back". Blah. I love the guy, but don't feel I can give him what he wants/needs/deserves physically. Wat do?