Is there even a point to living if you're ugly?

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starygrrl
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25 Mar 2010, 9:29 am

Bluerose. Most women have almost exclusively female friends, the only males usually in thier lives are family, co-workers and thier partner.

I wish I could mention an exclusive cast of male friends, almost all of my friends are women. The only men I really spend time with is my boyfriend, and the husband of my best friend.



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25 Mar 2010, 9:50 am

Bluerose,

You're feeling pretty down in the negative dumps. It seems that you don't really believe you're ugly. I don't think you mean that. This is what you're convincing yourself to think like because you're upset about something. Maybe you should realise that you have a lot going for you, even though it ain't perfect. You wear make-up, so you know you present yourself and have a well understanding of looking attractively. You dress nice and you know that you're a nice girl. Don't dismiss the fact you've got friends. Don't listen to a bunch of immature people. Not all men are like that.



Rose_in_Winter
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27 Mar 2010, 8:24 am

starygrrl wrote:
Bluerose. Most women have almost exclusively female friends, the only males usually in thier lives are family, co-workers and thier partner.


I thnk starygrrl is right. However, speaking as one of those women with mostly male friends, it's a simple matter of having interests in common. For example, I enjoy bromance and action movies. I follow football (Go Steelers!). I'm a gamer (PS3, computer, and tabletop). These are all things I have in common with some, if not all, of my male friends. Liking these things gave me a base for talking to guys -- more easily than to women, in fact! The volunteerism idea is a good one; there were always lots of young men at the community projects my dad and I used to participate in when I was younger. Volunteerism can make you feel good, and others interested in it will want to know how you got into it, share project ideas with you, and just want to get to know you. Personality DOES matter!

The older you get, the more people want to look beyond the physical in their friends (and their lovers). I do not think that looking one way or another is a good reason to devalue your life. It's tragic that you find yourself so physically unappealing that you aren't sure you want to live. I wonder if the mockery you have received (probably based more on their lack of understanding of AS or autism than on your actual appearance, they just transferred it to how you look as that is easier to put down) has skewed your perception of yourself. I was mocked too, in middle and upper school, and believed I was deeply ugly for a long time. As I got older, others proved to me that this was not true, and I had some experiences that helped me realize they were right. It's possible you have some form of dysmorphia, and as another poster mentioned, therapy might help with that. Don't give up on life or the good things you have to offer just because you feel ugly!



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27 Mar 2010, 2:23 pm

^^Totally agree with everything Rose_in_Winter wrote.

Postures wrote:
It may not be "pretty" but that's how it is. Our society is obsssed with looks


What do you mean by 'Our society'? We all live in different societies and distinct groups within those societies.
We are all individuals and have different influences impacting on us.

If we were all the same WrongPlanet would not need to exist.


Postures wrote:
Some people here are too naive, with their "it's all about the PERSONALITY" BS.


If looks are someone's most important factor when choosing a friendship then they don't sound like the best candidate for a friend.
It is a huge world with billions of people living on it. Even if 99% of people follow the herd that other 1% still amounts too a large number of people.

They may not be obvious and may not be easy to find but the 1% are still out there and you can find them.


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Aimless
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27 Mar 2010, 2:47 pm

BigK wrote:

If looks are someone's most important factor when choosing a friendship then they don't sound like the best candidate for a friend.
It is a huge world with billions of people living on it. Even if 99% of people follow the herd that other 1% still amounts too a large number of people.

They may not be obvious and may not be easy to find but the 1% are still out there and you can find them.


QFT



PLA
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27 Mar 2010, 4:09 pm

Aimless wrote:
BigK wrote:

If looks are someone's most important factor when choosing a friendship then they don't sound like the best candidate for a friend.
It is a huge world with billions of people living on it. Even if 99% of people follow the herd that other 1% still amounts too a large number of people.

They may not be obvious and may not be easy to find but the 1% are still out there and you can find them.


QFT

Using the outdated figure of ~6 billion, 1 % amounts to ~60 million, I think. Since it's a speculative demographic pulled out of thin air, it's impossible to tell how many of these supposed individuals one may actually encounter, but it is close to five or six times the population of Sweden. I forget the recent numbers.


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27 Mar 2010, 4:22 pm

Aimless wrote:
It's easy to think if only I was this I would have that but it just isn't true. Look around and you will see people who don't fit your idea of beautiful that have relationships and jobs. I think it's more a matter of what you are projecting. If you are unhappy and angry you will naturally project a negative appearance that will keep people away. I would say that being beautiful or thin or rich or whatever may increase your opportunities but not necessarily your success. I am thinking of this because just yesterday I told someone I know about a job opening. She is very angry and depressed about her life so when she went to apply she ruined it for herself immediately. Anyway try to project calm and accepting, even if you have to fake it and see what happens.

This woman is beautiful
Image


I think that you're forgetting that you're talking to a forum full of women with Asperger's syndrome. If we knew how to 'project,' many of us wouldn't be here.



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27 Mar 2010, 4:43 pm

I don't know about the OP, but denying that some people can be genuinely ugly is naiive. I don't have a TV, but I did see one episode of a reality show where people were given free plastic surgery to fix them up. Ordinarily I would be appalled at that kind of show, but in that episode the woman they fixed up was genuinely repulsive - like if she startled you, you would back away when you saw her. They didn't make her look pretty; they made her look normal.

That said, I have never seen anyone else in that kind of situation. Bluerose, if people aren't afraid of you chances are that you're homely at the worst. It's not fair, but there it is. I'm guessing that you're young enough that a lack of male companionship is still a hardship; the good news is that this will get better (less painful) with time. In the meantime, you can take some of the edge off by masturbating.

wrt. the numbers game:

6 billion x 0.5 = 3 billion males
3 billion x 0.01 = 3 million males uninterested in appearance
3 million x 0.1 (an approximate proportion of the population in the age range that might interest you) = 300,000 males of the appropriate age who are uninterested in appearance, worldwide.

you can multiply that by the proportion of the world's population living in your area.



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27 Mar 2010, 5:58 pm

LKL wrote:
Aimless wrote:
It's easy to think if only I was this I would have that but it just isn't true. Look around and you will see people who don't fit your idea of beautiful that have relationships and jobs. I think it's more a matter of what you are projecting. If you are unhappy and angry you will naturally project a negative appearance that will keep people away. I would say that being beautiful or thin or rich or whatever may increase your opportunities but not necessarily your success. I am thinking of this because just yesterday I told someone I know about a job opening. She is very angry and depressed about her life so when she went to apply she ruined it for herself immediately. Anyway try to project calm and accepting, even if you have to fake it and see what happens.

This woman is beautiful
Image


I think that you're forgetting that you're talking to a forum full of women with Asperger's syndrome. If we knew how to 'project,' many of us wouldn't be here.


I see what you're saying. I wasn't speaking of projecting as in faking but in realizing your own inner beauty but I know you can't just order that up like a burger and fries. My oldest brother is an M.D., I remember him telling me about seeing someone who was so afflicted with neurofibramatosis worse than the Elephant Man and that he was one of the most well adjusted people he had ever met. The thing is beauty is no guarantee against pain. Sometimes it's just more opportunity for disappointment. When people see you as a prize rather than a person the loneliness still feels the same. Anyway, I was trying to be supportive even if I'm bad at it.



zee
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27 Mar 2010, 6:17 pm

All this stuff about 'inner beauty' may be well-meant, but bluerose definately has a point. Women who are ugly on the outside have a much, much harder time getting by than pretty or even average-looking females.
Especially in finding, yet alone keeping, employment.



sinsboldly
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27 Mar 2010, 6:49 pm

Aimless wrote:
The thing is beauty is no guarantee against pain. Sometimes it's just more opportunity for disappointment. When people see you as a prize rather than a person the loneliness still feels the same. Anyway, I was trying to be supportive even if I'm bad at it.


QFT

You are so right on, Aimless. Beauty is it's own burden, as it fades and upkeep is a b*$%h.
Age is another eventuality that frightens people.

Merle


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Moog
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27 Mar 2010, 6:51 pm

zee wrote:
All this stuff about 'inner beauty' may be well-meant, but bluerose definately has a point. Women who are ugly on the outside have a much, much harder time getting by than pretty or even average-looking females.
Especially in finding, yet alone keeping, employment.


Well that's of no practical value.

If you aren't beautiful best thing to do is find ways to accept it, and ways to live without it. If you are going to deny the existence or value of inner beauty, that's fine. But for some of us, that's all we have.

Yes, people do respond differently to physical beauty than physical not beauty. That's all there is to say about that.


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Aimless
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27 Mar 2010, 9:20 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Aimless wrote:
The thing is beauty is no guarantee against pain. Sometimes it's just more opportunity for disappointment. When people see you as a prize rather than a person the loneliness still feels the same. Anyway, I was trying to be supportive even if I'm bad at it.


QFT

You are so right on, Aimless. Beauty is it's own burden, as it fades and upkeep is a b*$%h.
Age is another eventuality that frightens people.

Merle

Thank you sinsboldly, and btw why do the young mock the aging like they think it won't happen to them? It will, you know. :twisted:



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27 Mar 2010, 9:34 pm

Aimless wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Aimless wrote:
The thing is beauty is no guarantee against pain. Sometimes it's just more opportunity for disappointment. When people see you as a prize rather than a person the loneliness still feels the same. Anyway, I was trying to be supportive even if I'm bad at it.


QFT

You are so right on, Aimless. Beauty is it's own burden, as it fades and upkeep is a b*$%h.
Age is another eventuality that frightens people.

Merle

Thank you sinsboldly, and btw why do the young mock the aging like they think it won't happen to them? It will, you know. :twisted:


Ignorance of that fact, probably. When we are young we think it lasts forever, that the skin will never lose it's elasticity, that the body will always be as supple. We pity and dismiss those we think have 'let themselves go' and promise ourselves we will never 'get like that!'

and then they do. . . ironic, isn't it? :D

Merle


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Aimless
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27 Mar 2010, 9:41 pm

^bwahahaha :twisted:



bluerose
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28 Mar 2010, 8:21 am

Moog wrote:
zee wrote:
All this stuff about 'inner beauty' may be well-meant, but bluerose definately has a point. Women who are ugly on the outside have a much, much harder time getting by than pretty or even average-looking females.
Especially in finding, yet alone keeping, employment.


Well that's of no practical value.

If you aren't beautiful best thing to do is find ways to accept it, and ways to live without it. If you are going to deny the existence or value of inner beauty, that's fine. But for some of us, that's all we have.

Yes, people do respond differently to physical beauty than physical not beauty. That's all there is to say about that.


That's why I started the topic. Just to hear other women's experiences that aren't beautiful. In employment and accepting it etc... Not some BS (IMO) about inner beauty or other stuff and esspecially not crap from those women who are so silly as to take their beauty for granted.
Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be that many people that have any idea as to what I'm dealing with here. I don't think many people could even comprehend what it's like to live if nobody ever likes you or wants to give you a chance.