Is there even a point to living if you're ugly?

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zee
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28 Mar 2010, 11:53 am

@Moog:

You're not even a woman, what would you know about it? And your comments have no relevance to what I wrote.



zee
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28 Mar 2010, 12:11 pm

bluerose wrote:
Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be that many people that have any idea as to what I'm dealing with here. I don't think many people could even comprehend what it's like to live if nobody ever likes you or wants to give you a chance.


Exactly, it's hard enough to deal with in your non-working life, but for those of us who need to work to survive, it's even harder. I've been demoted or even replaced completely by women who have less skill and experience than me, simply because they are better looking. A couple examples:

I was working in a warehouse that rents out lighting equipment (through a temp agency). I actually have a strong lighting background, and was in many ways overqualified, and when I started everyone said how I did such a good job and even if I wanted to submit a resume. Then after about a week of this, this other girl came in (from the same agency), and started to work alongside me. Of course, she was slower, seeing it was her first day, and she wasn't particularly hard-working or knowledgable. But at the end of the day, the supervisor said that they only needed one person back tomorrow, and they asked her instead of me.
(She said 'no' and even said later how unfair it was, but that was of little comfort. I ended up going back instead, but only made it till lunch, and most of that was crying in the bathroom because I felt so worthless).
---
I was working on an install for a few days, and getting paid a slightly higher rate because I was driving a truck. Then on the take-down, a 'hot' girl was on our crew, and half-way through the day the TD (guy in charged) approached me and asked if I'd mind handing over the keys to the truck, he wanted to see if this new girl was a good driver, ie to 'test her out'.
Well, she was OK (it's not rocket science), and so he made her the driver for the next day as well (including the higher pay rate)... then, on the next day, after we had loaded the truck, he said I could join the two of them to unload, but after that they 'didn't need me anymore'.
(I said I felt sick and walked away right then.)



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28 Mar 2010, 1:02 pm

zee wrote:
@Moog:

You're not even a woman, what would you know about it? And your comments have no relevance to what I wrote.


I'm not a woman, so what? That's no defense against feeling ugly and unloved. I can assure that I understand the OP's pain only too well.


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Last edited by Moog on 28 Mar 2010, 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Moog
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28 Mar 2010, 1:10 pm

bluerose wrote:
Moog wrote:
zee wrote:
All this stuff about 'inner beauty' may be well-meant, but bluerose definately has a point. Women who are ugly on the outside have a much, much harder time getting by than pretty or even average-looking females.
Especially in finding, yet alone keeping, employment.


Well that's of no practical value.

If you aren't beautiful best thing to do is find ways to accept it, and ways to live without it. If you are going to deny the existence or value of inner beauty, that's fine. But for some of us, that's all we have.

Yes, people do respond differently to physical beauty than physical not beauty. That's all there is to say about that.


That's why I started the topic. Just to hear other women's experiences that aren't beautiful. In employment and accepting it etc... Not some BS (IMO) about inner beauty or other stuff and esspecially not crap from those women who are so silly as to take their beauty for granted.
Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be that many people that have any idea as to what I'm dealing with here. I don't think many people could even comprehend what it's like to live if nobody ever likes you or wants to give you a chance.


I beg your pardon if my trying to offer practical advice was not desired. If all you want is sympathetic resonance then you may have it. I can assure you that you are not alone with your feelings. I'm sure they are shared by a great many of us.

I also see that I did not detect the change of course taken by the thread midway through. It's the same for men. Successful men are generally more attractive that the less successful. All I can say is, my life is more than just my career.

I will bow out of this thread now, unless further discussion is invited. The last thing I want to do is to cause further suffering.


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mechanicalgirl39
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28 Mar 2010, 2:36 pm

Moog wrote:
I couldn't help but butt in on this topic. I am sorry that anyone has to feel this way. I myself have spent a lot of my life feeling very ugly, to the point of having body dysmorphia and all sorts. My advice is to find ways to serve others, be kind and caring. Get involved with making the world better for everyone. Soon people will see the inner you and you'll be too busy to care about how you look anyway. We may never find love, but we can always be love.


I'm with Moog. Your mind and your abilities are far more important that how you look.

I'm sorry you feel so bad (the OP). I don't know what you look like so I can't tell if you are genuinely ugly or just annoyed at your perfectly normal face, but if you really are, it might comfort you to remember that beauty does not equal a contribution to society, nor does it make you a good person. Your actions and deeds do that.

I'd quite like to be properly ugly, as opposed to just harsh-featured and androgynous. Then I wouldn't get unwanted male attention.

I'll try and have another awkward fall at parkour, lol. See how many men harass me when I've got a face full of that violet-green iridescent scar tissue you get when you cut yourself deeply. (Ok, I didn't mean that....I was just expressing anger...)


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28 Mar 2010, 2:47 pm

Moog wrote:
bluerose wrote:
Moog wrote:
zee wrote:
All this stuff about 'inner beauty' may be well-meant, but bluerose definately has a point. Women who are ugly on the outside have a much, much harder time getting by than pretty or even average-looking females.
Especially in finding, yet alone keeping, employment.


Well that's of no practical value.

If you aren't beautiful best thing to do is find ways to accept it, and ways to live without it. If you are going to deny the existence or value of inner beauty, that's fine. But for some of us, that's all we have.

Yes, people do respond differently to physical beauty than physical not beauty. That's all there is to say about that.


That's why I started the topic. Just to hear other women's experiences that aren't beautiful. In employment and accepting it etc... Not some BS (IMO) about inner beauty or other stuff and esspecially not crap from those women who are so silly as to take their beauty for granted.
Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be that many people that have any idea as to what I'm dealing with here. I don't think many people could even comprehend what it's like to live if nobody ever likes you or wants to give you a chance.


I beg your pardon if my trying to offer practical advice was not desired. If all you want is sympathetic resonance then you may have it. I can assure you that you are not alone with your feelings. I'm sure they are shared by a great many of us.

I also see that I did not detect the change of course taken by the thread midway through. It's the same for men. Successful men are generally more attractive that the less successful. All I can say is, my life is more than just my career.

I will bow out of this thread now, unless further discussion is invited. The last thing I want to do is to cause further suffering.


Don't you dare stop posting, Moog! ;) You made perfectly good points.


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28 Mar 2010, 3:02 pm

I worked with someone who was not attractive as far as facial features but you didn't notice because she had a nice figure, was a bleached blonde and wore a ton of makeup. She packaged herself for maximum attention.



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28 Mar 2010, 3:43 pm

My Mum says that everybody can be pretty, it's just a question of will, clothes and hairstyle.
It's the same girl:
Image
Image
Image
Image

Her image changes:
http://kobieta.wp.pl/gid,11565319,img,1 ... Bpage%5D=1
http://www.plotek.pl/plotek/51,79592,5823968.html?i=1

And probably beauty is the most question of motions, speaking and appropiate behaviour.

I'm also ugly, but photogenic. Sometimes I have patience and I can dress good clothes. And now I can't manage motions, speaking and behaviour. I'd like, but how to... :roll:


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28 Mar 2010, 4:06 pm

Valoyossa wrote:
My Mum says that everybody can be pretty, it's just a question of will, clothes and hairstyle.
It's the same girl:
Image


And probably beauty is the most question of motions, speaking and appropiate behaviour.

I'm also ugly, but photogenic. Sometimes I have patience and I can dress good clothes. And now I can't manage motions, speaking and behaviour. I'd like, but how to... :roll:


I love the first one. She looks powerful, focused.


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zee
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28 Mar 2010, 4:11 pm

Moog wrote:
zee wrote:
@Moog:

You're not even a woman, what would you know about it? And your comments have no relevance to what I wrote.


I'm not a woman, so what? That's no defense against feeling ugly and unloved. I can assure that I understand the OP's pain only too well.


Moog, I can see that you mean well, I just don't think you really understand. There is a difference between being an ugly woman and an ugly man. The former is what we were discussing, and you simply ignore all the relevant points that have been brought up my myself, bluerose, and others and focus on generalizing from your point of view.



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28 Mar 2010, 4:19 pm

zee wrote:
Moog wrote:
zee wrote:
@Moog:

You're not even a woman, what would you know about it? And your comments have no relevance to what I wrote.


I'm not a woman, so what? That's no defense against feeling ugly and unloved. I can assure that I understand the OP's pain only too well.


Moog, I can see that you mean well, I just don't think you really understand. There is a difference between being an ugly woman and an ugly man. The former is what we were discussing, and you simply ignore all the relevant points that have been brought up my myself, bluerose, and others and focus on generalizing from your point of view.


That's probably true. I try to take the specific and make it general, so it can connect with more people. Is this the wrong approach for this situation? I don't think it's good to divide people that share problems and feelings into ghetto groups. I'm sure that men and woman can feel differently about the same thing, experience things differently. If so, I'd love to know how exactly? Perhaps there is an opportunity for further understanding, because at the moment I feel like I have missed something.


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sinsboldly
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28 Mar 2010, 4:23 pm

Moog wrote:
zee wrote:
Moog wrote:
zee wrote:
@Moog:

You're not even a woman, what would you know about it? And your comments have no relevance to what I wrote.


I'm not a woman, so what? That's no defense against feeling ugly and unloved. I can assure that I understand the OP's pain only too well.


Moog, I can see that you mean well, I just don't think you really understand. There is a difference between being an ugly woman and an ugly man. The former is what we were discussing, and you simply ignore all the relevant points that have been brought up my myself, bluerose, and others and focus on generalizing from your point of view.


That's probably true. I try to take the specific and make it general, so it can connect with more people. Is this the wrong approach for this situation? I don't think it's good to divide people that share problems and feelings into ghetto groups. I'm sure that men and woman can feel differently about the same thing, experience things differently. If so, I'd love to know how exactly? Perhaps there is an opportunity for further understanding, because at the moment I feel like I have missed something.


ghetto groups? could you explain what that means, please? thanks.


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Moog
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28 Mar 2010, 4:33 pm

I merely meant the division of man and woman. I know this is the women's discussion area, but this is a problem that affects both sexes.

I was trying to find a better word but failed.


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sinsboldly
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28 Mar 2010, 5:11 pm

Moog wrote:
I merely meant the division of man and woman. I know this is the women's discussion area, but this is a problem that affects both sexes.

I was trying to find a better word but failed.


Thanks. I was just wondering, because anorexia and bulimia is so rare in men. I mean, my brother has/had anorexia, so I know it happens, but it is so rare that guys have that level of servitude to body image.


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28 Mar 2010, 9:31 pm

Wanna trade? I hate my looks, they're nice, but I get objectified way too often, so I think of myself as looking like a French Harlot.



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28 Mar 2010, 11:11 pm

Fickle_Pickle wrote:
Wanna trade? I hate my looks, they're nice, but I get objectified way too often, so I think of myself as looking like a French Harlot.


HA! you have no idea what it is like to live your 3rd, 4th and 5th decade with a eye to chin slash scar across your face and a smile that looks like a macabre grimace! Add to that being 60 years old and being a French Harlot will seem like being Miss America.

Merle

not that it is any easier not liking your looks, Fickle_Pickle. It is a b***h no matter what you look like if you don't like it.

if it is all the same to you I would like to quote a limerick I learned from my uncle long ago.

In beauty I am not a star
My face is not perfect by far
But then, I don't mind it,
For I am behind it
The person in front gets the jar!


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