Is there even a point to living if you're ugly?

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I disagree - from what I've heard wrt. psychology, sociopaths are neurologically different than NTs as much as aspies are (though in a different way, of course). Some people just genuinely don't care about other human beings, and you can't fix that.

To OP: I think you aren't very approachable, at least to men, based on your posts. You seem to have a lot of hate and anger towards men. Maybe they can sense it and that's why they treat you badly. Also, I wouldn't be so quick to assume that just because a woman is nice to you to your face, she'll still continue being nice behind your back.

The problem isn't your outside, it's your inside.

Ya know? I have heard for a lifetime how "ugly" I am. I am not attractive to the majority of people (male or female). It's not so much physical, as it is my horrible personality. Those who think I'm attractive only have to interact with me for a short time, & then they're turned off/turn their anger on full tilt towards me because I am not what they expect me to be. This has happened to me more times than I can count, since I was old enough to have memories.

Some people go through life having tons of loving friends & family members. I am the complete opposite end of the scale where I have very few friends (of those, I would say most are little more than acquaintances) & my family despises me. I'm not sure if it's because under my female exterior is a logical male brain? I think that has something to do with it. I am always frustrated because I want to fix things/problems people have, not just listen to someone blather on & on about their problems & just be a supportive listener.

Not only have I heard I was ugly from my peers, but from my parents, & other people who knew me, & others who only observed my behavior. I conclude that I am indeed ugly as sin, as at the age of 48, I have relatively few friends. Of those, not one chooses to spend any time with me, not even a phone call unless they need something. The only one who chooses to spend time with me is my dog! He's the only one who doesn't judge me.

At work, I have been bullied by both male & female co-workers & my boss. No matter how hard I try to get along, my broken personality always gets in the way. Right now, I have once again alienated myself from the rest of the office staff. I have given up trying to have any kind of a relationship with anyone once I leave home. Is there a point to living? I'd like to think so, but with the way my life has been going for 48 years, it's been mostly hellish. I have no inner beauty, no value that I can find anywhere, & it's not just internal, but external as well. I am not irreplaceable. Anyone can do what I do, & could probably do it much better than me & most likely be less irritating!

My attitude came after being treated a certain way or ignored, not before. And I don't let the attitude show definately, if anything I may be a bit too friendly with males to compensate, but most of the time in my daily life I don't pay attention to the issue at all. I'm always friendly, with everyone. Some women I know have remarked on that even.

I don't agree with that either. Its not just what they choose in life, its their spiritual energy which determines it.

so many times. I'm not that attractive at all and I know it. I have had friends and acquaintances who are freakishly breathtaking physically, models, hit on by guys everywhere they go. And I haven't noticed that it made them any happier than I am. One gorgeous acquaintance gets dumped on and abused. Her guys find her attractive. And they also find lots of other women attractive, it doesn't make them worship her. She's just as likely to get dumped as I ever was with my mediocre looks. Another gorgeous acquaintance is a cutter, she loathes herself, she knows that most people see her physical beauty and don't take her seriously, she knows that there's a chance her husband will cheat with someone as beautiful as she is if he doesn't love HER, as in her personality and intellect and talent.

Look at any tabloid and you'll see women we are taught to idolize having failed relationships just like the rest of us. My intelligence has helped me to nearly triple my income over a period of 10 years in a field not known for skyrocketing salaries. One employer gave me an on the spot raise when I let them know I was considering another job offer. The next time I got a job offer I took it and the former employer was begging me to stay. I know for a FACT it was my job performance not my looks, because I don't have any looks to bargain with. Yes, some elements of society judge a person based on physical attractiveness but not all.

There is a point to living if you are ugly topic

Some of us do not care!

Social standards are BS. Magazines and advertising agencies market beauty to sell more products. All it's doing is making the consumers insecure so they spend more, and thus, create more profit for these companies.

How do we respond to it though? With mental illness, with eating disorders, anxiety, depression. We're upset that we can't look like .5% of the population that looks like supermodels.

So honestly, you're a better person if you can see through all of these gimmicks. Love yourself exactly as you are, exactly as you were made. Dress in a way that you feel most confident about yourself, wear makeup if it makes you feel better (or don't! Whatever you're most comfortable with) and I guarantee you that this confidence will shine through. Others will recognize it and will appreciate you for loving yourself and for spreading positive energy, not for adhering to the percieved standards of what makes a woman beautiful.

I know I don't know you, but I can tell that you're beautiful. So f**k the standards.

*claps in approval to pinkbowtiepumps*

My point exactly.

There's no way you've met EVERY guy.

Just as most of the guys you've met are typical of whatever backwards chauvanist ex-soviet state you're from, you're probably not - and THAT threatens them.

One or two of them might actually like you... but are hiding or avoiding those feelings by being nasty to you.

But overall, moving to a less chauvanist society COULD help, and yet you deny this as though you've lived everywhere. BS.

I bet your problem is that you're an 'outsider'... too intelligent, too switched on, too clued up... almost everyone who treats you badly, especially your teachers, are JEALOUS. They want to see you fail!

There's a lid for every pot...

Your words I've put in bold are a description of an unfortunately not uncommon syndrome. I've come across numerous cases of a larger-than-average woman who'd found that while some guys seemed personally attracted and turned on sexually by her, they didn't want to be seen around with her by their friends and family. It's usually been younger guys who acted like this. I've noticed an alarming tendency these days for men under 25 to regard the ultra-thin model physique as 'normal' and anything over that as 'obese', 'chunky' or a 'heifer' (all terms I've seen used for women who were of perfectly normal build by the standards of twenty years ago). Sadly, young women of that age group pretty often concur. I think the media has a lot to answer for.

In response to the original posting...unfortunately, it has indeed been proven that people who aren't construed as 'attractive' do get a raw deal in life; not just in relationships, but being less favored in job interviews and the like. We live in an increasingly superficial society. The sad fact is that by the ever more exacting standards of the celebrity/advertising industry (what John Berger famously defined as 'taking away our love of ourselves as we are and selling it back to us for the price of the product'), most of us are 'ugly'.

That doesn't, however, mean there's nothing else to life. There's brains, creativity, being a decent human being and trying to make the world a better place...a whole bunch of other qualities that genuinely do matter. And there's not one person on this earth who doesn't have something to love about them. The more looks are valued, paradoxically, the more we need all that other stuff...and the more it's going to be appreciated by anyone who's gotten wise and realized that a pretty face and a hot body, on their own, don't add up to happy ever after.

This is just my take on things, and it may or may not help, but anyway...

This is the place where being a geek is an advantage: if you have some interest or curiosity to focus on rather than relationships with other people, your personal appearance becomes less important. Photons don't care what you look like.

i am a visual insult and this makes me miserable, but it is not like i have ever considered taking my life over it. that is kind of extreme.

I can say from experience that life can be worth living as a woman that the mainstream culture would consider "ugly."

I've got a couple facial deformities and, depending on how you count it, 7 or 8 scars. Yeah, it's sucked sometimes, but I still like being me as I am more than I want to be anybody or anything else. The best way I've ever seen put went, "Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you." Admittedly, the person who wrote that and the character who spoke it were both male, but I still find that it holds true for me. If someone stares at me, I stare back. I speak up whenever possible, even if it brings attention to my face and the way I speak, because the more I do, the more people get used to it. If someone gives me guff, I know that I can be more civil to them than they can bring themselves to be to me, or, alternately, if I so chose, I could wipe the floor with them in an argument, even with a speech impediment.

What's more, I've made a life worth living for myself. I graduated from a good college with honors, and am attending (and already winning awards in) law school on nearly a full scholarship. I've held a number of jobs and, on my own merits, done well at most of them. I'm getting internship work in the area of my special interest, and making connections in the places I need to in order to eventually succeed in doing what I care about. I live on my own, and have two adorable cats. I have friends who I see every weekend if not more. I'd like to think that, as long as I don't screw it all up, things will only continue to get better.

To be fair, I am a repulsed asexual, and wavering on whether I'm romantic or not. I actually benefit from looking as I do as far as avoiding being hit on goes, I get the sense. That being said, I see it like this - "a person who accepts me as I come" is written into my definition of the sort of person I want to spend my time with, whether as a friend or a love interest. If I find that person for a relationship at some point, great. If I don't, at least most of the as*holes of the world will sort themselves out for me before I have to spend time dealing with them, just by how they react to me. No one so shallow as to decide whether they want to be around me based on my appearance is a person I want in my life.

It's not inherently easy to be a person who doesn't fit the societal idea of attractiveness, but it's possible to be comfortable with it eventually, and even to make it work for you. I hope it works out for you.

Is there a point to live anyway?