Is there even a point to living if you're ugly?

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antique_toy
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23 Mar 2010, 6:18 pm

i've been discriminated against and treated badly by male teachers, too. i don't think it's because i'm 'ugly', i think because of my asperger's i come off as a negative creep. a lot of guys have been mean to me and it's because of my less-than-perky demeanor. maybe i'm wrong but most guys seem to only notice and care to interact with girls who have bubbly, outgoing personalities. eve n attractive girls i know never get any positive attention from guys whatsoever simply because they're shy and never outwardly happy.
but okay, maybe you are below average in the looks department. unless you have some severe physical deformation, you can de-uglify yourself... it just takes a lot of work. if you're obese, lose all the weight. if you have acne, take some hardcore medication and get that cleared up. if you have moles, get them removed. a unibrow? pluck that s**t. make your hair really nice, get some high quality makeup and learn how to create effects with it. you can also try getting a lip ring or some kind of piercing to distract from certain features and give your face some more pizazz. if you really work hard at it i'm sure it isn't hard to reach the next rung up: averageness. i would be "ugly" if i wasn't a master makeup artist/skinny.



Last edited by antique_toy on 23 Mar 2010, 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BigK
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23 Mar 2010, 6:22 pm

In some fields it will often be the person with the movie star looks who doesn't get taken seriously so doesn't get hired. It works both ways.

Unless you are planning to be a lap dancer or something like that looks usually will not have much of an impact on getting hired.
If it does have an impact then you probably don't want to be working for those people anyway.

Good friends don't base whether they like you or not on your looks.

If you are good at what you do you will get hired. As it is a male dominated field you will have plenty of scope for making male friends who are nothing like the idiots who have given you a hard time so far.

Everyone is beautiful to someone. Finding that someone is not always so easy but they are out there.


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Athenacapella
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23 Mar 2010, 9:05 pm

First, my heart breaks for you to think that you're so ugly you don't even want to live. I am so sorry that you are so lonely and sad.

Just one more thought to ponder: although we always think that the beautiful people have such great lives, beauty itself doesn't bring happiness. Otherwise models and Hollywood stars wouldn't be OD'ing and killing themselves. I try to keep this in mind sometimes when I get jealous of someone's beauty.



alana
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24 Mar 2010, 4:58 am

everyone ends up ugly by cultural standards. you are probably being too hard on yourself. you really have to pull focus off that one area and divide your life up into boxes. looks/career/home/health/income/etc etc. The more boxes you have the smaller that one area will become. It is only one aspect. I think beauty is a distraction, it distracts women from their true path sometimes (cue soppy 80's ballad that goes 'i've been to paradise but i've never been to me...la la la...).

you are more than an ornament for the end of someone's penis. remember this. define yourself from the inside out, not the outside in (in which you are looking through someone else's eyes.) I know two women off hand who have huge deficits in their development because of their looks. I probably know more, but it's almost time for the sun to come up and I am tired. I'm talking HUGE gaping crevasses in what should be a well-rounded human being because of what they've been allowed to slide by with. What is interesting to me is that really young women will define themselves as 'ugly' when in fact they might be 'average'. It's very weird how that is so prevalent. Because very few people are really truly ugly. To me that usually entails deformity, which means only that the appearance doesn't conform to the programmed norm and our eyes have much more detail to take in and more adjustments to make to absorb the appearance.

alot of what I see young women reacting to is the hyper-vocalization about looks that young males are constantly doing. I am not certain what causes this, but it becomes less prevalent as they mature. I'm pretty certain it has to do with their own insecurities and that the vocalizing is somehow reassuring to themselves and the unit as a group. We are at the zoo here, literally. It probably is a cultural conformity exercise too where males maybe influence the mating displays of females with vocal pressure. Really base animal behavior. I remember once reading a letter from a girl that felt as you do to Dan Savage, and he told her, because she felt suicidal, that she really wants to stick around and watch these guys decline and decay because they will be balding before they are 30 and she will just be hitting her speed. It really does happen this way. I thought Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion had a pretty good take on this.



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24 Mar 2010, 5:46 am

Postures wrote:
Aimless wrote:
Postures wrote:
No, there isn't a point. Looks are everything. There's nothing sadder than an ugly woman.


which effectively dehumanizes women. What if the same was applied to men? What if Steven Hawkins was dismissed because he isn't beautiful? I hope you're being ironic.


I'm not. It's a sad fact of life that women are horribly objectified. Despite it being the 21st century, some gender stereotypes still stand. Men don't have to be handsome or slim in order to be successful. Women have to be either pretty and thin or tough as hell, so called "ball-breakers", in order to succeed.


I still hear crap like 'A man is what he does, a woman is how she looks'. This was from a guy on another forum who was a qualified doctor, and he wasn't being ironic. Yup, people actually think that since once upon a time millennia ago men had to hunt more and women had to be obviously fertile, it's ok to judge a woman purely on how she looks.

Makes me sick, and it makes me want to wear a bag over my head, so no one can judge me by whether I am good looking or not.


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24 Mar 2010, 6:53 am

I couldn't help but butt in on this topic. I am sorry that anyone has to feel this way. I myself have spent a lot of my life feeling very ugly, to the point of having body dysmorphia and all sorts. My advice is to find ways to serve others, be kind and caring. Get involved with making the world better for everyone. Soon people will see the inner you and you'll be too busy to care about how you look anyway. We may never find love, but we can always be love.


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24 Mar 2010, 7:10 am

You've got a lot of nerve, Cockney! :lol:


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24 Mar 2010, 11:07 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
You've got a lot of nerve, Cockney! :lol:


\o/ My hero! :D


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Postures
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24 Mar 2010, 12:48 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
Postures wrote:
Aimless wrote:
Postures wrote:
No, there isn't a point. Looks are everything. There's nothing sadder than an ugly woman.


which effectively dehumanizes women. What if the same was applied to men? What if Steven Hawkins was dismissed because he isn't beautiful? I hope you're being ironic.


I'm not. It's a sad fact of life that women are horribly objectified. Despite it being the 21st century, some gender stereotypes still stand. Men don't have to be handsome or slim in order to be successful. Women have to be either pretty and thin or tough as hell, so called "ball-breakers", in order to succeed.


I still hear crap like 'A man is what he does, a woman is how she looks'. This was from a guy on another forum who was a qualified doctor, and he wasn't being ironic. Yup, people actually think that since once upon a time millennia ago men had to hunt more and women had to be obviously fertile, it's ok to judge a woman purely on how she looks.

Makes me sick, and it makes me want to wear a bag over my head, so no one can judge me by whether I am good looking or not.


It may not be "pretty" but that's how it is. Our society is obsssed with looks; everyday we get bombarded with ads, articles etc. on how to look younger, slimmer and more attractive. Not just women, men too. Although the majority of it targets women only.

It is depressing that some people consider themselves too ugly to live and because I'm one of them, I can relate to what the OP is saying.

Some people here are too naive, with their "it's all about the PERSONALITY" BS.


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huytongirl
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24 Mar 2010, 4:23 pm

There is one thing sadder than an "ugly" woman, Aimless - a misogynist. Bet you wonder why the girls don't got for you, eh? It's because you stink of hate and self-satisfaction. Aimless? Brainless.

Looks are EVERYTHING... if you want to be a film star or a catwalk model. Abuse from creeps like Aimless made me think I was ugly. Now I know I am at worst plain - not much different looking to anyone else. If you want a one-night stand with someone shallow and uncaring, then looks matter a great deal. But for a decent relationship you need a decent person. And there are decent people in the same "bracket" of looks as you, whatever you look like. I see plenty of plain women in loving relationships: it really does not matter one bit.

We Asperger's women get called names by Aimless-type nobodies who think they're perfect and want somebody to kick. Well - they are the scum of the earth and it's best to laugh at them or ignore them (they go off and bother someone else in the end, or whine on the phone to their mothers or something - who cares). It's exactly the same as the abuse black people or gay/lesbian people or people in wheelchairs get. It's very, very hard. But "ugly" is just our "N-word". Could even, one day, be a badge of pride.



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24 Mar 2010, 5:10 pm

huytongirl wrote:
There is one thing sadder than an "ugly" woman, Aimless - a misogynist. Bet you wonder why the girls don't got for you, eh? It's because you stink of hate and self-satisfaction. Aimless? Brainless.

Looks are EVERYTHING... if you want to be a film star or a catwalk model. Abuse from creeps like Aimless made me think I was ugly. Now I know I am at worst plain - not much different looking to anyone else. If you want a one-night stand with someone shallow and uncaring, then looks matter a great deal. But for a decent relationship you need a decent person. And there are decent people in the same "bracket" of looks as you, whatever you look like. I see plenty of plain women in loving relationships: it really does not matter one bit.

We Asperger's women get called names by Aimless-type nobodies who think they're perfect and want somebody to kick. Well - they are the scum of the earth and it's best to laugh at them or ignore them (they go off and bother someone else in the end, or whine on the phone to their mothers or something - who cares). It's exactly the same as the abuse black people or gay/lesbian people or people in wheelchairs get. It's very, very hard. But "ugly" is just our "N-word". Could even, one day, be a badge of pride.


You are mistaken. I did not say that. Read the thread from the beginning before you come out swinging.



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24 Mar 2010, 5:29 pm

Oh, and by the way :evil:



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24 Mar 2010, 5:33 pm

bluerose wrote:
Ok, so, I'm an ugly girl.


Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. :)



bee33
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24 Mar 2010, 8:20 pm

Nobody is ugly.

Sure, there are some people whose looks conform to a particular ideal of beauty, like some movie stars and models, and they are universally thought of as beautiful, but most of us are just who we are, with our various flaws and strengths. I have never seen anyone who I thought was ugly.



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24 Mar 2010, 8:24 pm

I find the stereotypical standard of beauty is boring. I like a face with some character. Who wants to look like a Barbie doll?



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25 Mar 2010, 9:19 am

Postures wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Postures wrote:
No, there isn't a point. Looks are everything. There's nothing sadder than an ugly woman.


thanks! I have endured people with this attitude laughing and pointing and taunting at the huge slash on my face for 30 years. Don't kid yourself, souls can be 'ugly', too.

Merle


I don't believe in souls.


how about common courtesy?