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B19
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05 Jan 2020, 2:22 am

I found this article refreshing and interesting:

http://www.dailygood.org/story/2236/the ... ry-pipher/

Not directly related to AS women, though there was much in it that I could personally relate to. There is such a dearth of positive media about older women that anything like this stands out to me.



Fireblossom
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05 Jan 2020, 5:20 am

I'm nowhere near even half way to 70 so maybe I should just stay quiet, but... nah.

Quote:
When I told my friends I was writing a book on older women like us, they immediately protested, “I am not old.” What they meant was that they didn’t act or feel like the cultural stereotypes of women their age. Old meant bossy, useless, unhappy and in the way. Our country’s ideas about old women are so toxic that almost no one, no matter her age, will admit she is old.


I think this might be a world wide problem. At the very least, it's not just an American one; we have it here to some extent, too. Of course, the stereotype doesn't come from nowhere, women like that do exist (and men too), but I've seen a lot of old(er) women who clearly know how to enjoy life, much more so than many people my age. While I don't think that old age alone should automatically mean that a person's words have more value due to experience, sometimes it's really worthwhile listening to those with experience instead of demonizing age that has come with it. Even here on WP, the "I wish I could get my teens/twenties back" -thing is very common, while these thirty and forty somethings could instead focus on how to make their fifties and sixties best possible. Life ain't over at that point, it's over when, well, it's literally over. People should drop the mentality that after having reached certain age (seems to be 30 on this forum) = one foot in the grave.



hurtloam
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05 Jan 2020, 5:54 am

Fireblossom wrote:
While I don't think that old age alone should automatically mean that a person's words have more value due to experience, sometimes it's really worthwhile listening to those with experience instead of demonizing age that has come with it. Even here on WP, the "I wish I could get my teens/twenties back" -thing is very common, while these thirty and forty somethings could instead focus on how to make their fifties and sixties best possible. Life ain't over at that point, it's over when, well, it's literally over. People should drop the mentality that after having reached certain age (seems to be 30 on this forum) = one foot in the grave.


Very true, but I'm going to have to play devil's advocate.

Yes there are lots of good things in life. Now I'm older I have better financial security and a permenant place to live.

But the frustration about turning 30, or in my case 40, is that I've not matured at the same rate as my peers in romantic a relationship context. I'm basically still at teenager level when my peers are at an age appropriate level. Almost thought i had a relationship last year and it ended before it began. I can't believe I'm almost 40 and I've never had a boyfriend. It's weird. And now i feel like im not attractive anymore. I couldnt find someone in my youth. Who would want me now?

But yes, getting older doesn't mean everything falls apart. I'm enjoying good friendships. I think that a lot of young people on this forum who are having trouble finding friends amongst their peers should befriend older people. They're just as keen to go out and do things. I have quite a few retired friends that I spend social time with.


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Teach51
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05 Jan 2020, 12:42 pm

Don't despair!
I was divorced at 53 after a 28 year marriage and three kids.
I had such a violent divorce that I didn't even look for a relationship again until I reached 60.
I started a new career as a teacher at 53 and had the best years of my life from then on. At the age of sixty I started dating again, and now at the age of 68 I have a couple of men "friends" who I see on a regular basis and I love my work. My sixties have proven to be my most enjoyable decade. Don't worry about age, I see guys much younger than myself. I reached the stage where I don't give a fig what people think as long as I adhere to my own moral compass then I am fine. I hated my thirties and forties. My fifties and sixties were the best; career-wise, sex, from every aspect. Everyone deserves happiness at any age.


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Twilightprincess
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05 Jan 2020, 12:47 pm

Teach51 wrote:
Don't despair!
I was divorced at 53 after a 28 year marriage and three kids.
I had such a violent divorce that I didn't even look for a relationship again until I reached 60.
I started a new career as a teacher at 53 and had the best years of my life from then on. At the age of sixty I started dating again, and now at the age of 68 I have a couple of men "friends" who I see on a regular basis and I love my work. My sixties have proven to be my most enjoyable decade. Don't worry about age, I see guys much younger than myself. I reached the stage where I don't give a fig what people think as long as I adhere to my own moral compass then I am fine. I hated my thirties and forties. My fifties and sixties were the best; career-wise, sex, from every aspect. Everyone deserves happiness at any age.


That’s great! We need to hear this more on WP, especially since many of us are late-bloomers in one way or another.



B19
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05 Jan 2020, 6:45 pm

Thinking of an old saying this morning, in relation to this topic of Being an Older Woman

"Sometimes, you have to go through the dark to get to the light".

Any age is a balance of plus and minuses of course; in my youth I had better energy, many interesting adventures and journeys, but lacked so much knowledge: of people, of the effects of accumulated and unrecognised trauma, of my ASness.

Some things are the same now as then: my horror of animal abusers, callous people of any stripe, child abusers, bullies and heights.

I was never robust physically, and am less robust now. In and out of the hospital clinics for constant review, dealing with constant infections caused by innate conditions, numerous surgeries in the last ten years and more soon. However one thing about this has changed for the better: I am no longer subjected to the medical idiocies endured as a child ie "she'll grow out of it" was the stupid 1950s response to severe allergies. 65 years later, I am still waiting to grow out of them... not.

I was very robust intellectually, and that is still - I think! - the case. In fact I would assess my self as probably at my peak now; because of my poor health I learnt to take care of myself at an early age, even though my peers scoffed at my preference for healthy foods that they considered "weird". Like unsweetened yoghurt .."ew yuck!!" they would sneer, "look at her eating rotten milk". I was used to being verbally, physically, psychologically and emotionally bullied, though I didn't know how to cope with the bullies or the harm they caused when I was young; now I am very much able to confront bullies of every stripe.

My two best decades were my 20s and my 60s. In the latter I returned to the USA to get an early tick on a bucket list item, to drive right across the southern USA, coast to coast, stopping and staying in every state on the way. I had a wonderful relationship with a much younger man; he is no longer in NZ but we are still in close contact online, our similarities of soul and nature far far greater than the age difference. Also in my 60s I was finally able to live in a place that suited my emotional needs best, near the beautiful harbour, native trees and birds on my property, close to the city, but far enough from the busy centre for comfort.

I saved the best constant between my younger and older life til last: cats. The love I received from cats in my childhood saved me as a human being. Books also. Lots of books. Books taught me how to be a better human being, where human adults had so failed me.

I look back now, as a late diagnosed woman (after self discovery before that) and recognise so much confusion. The confusion has gone. I feel angry that much younger women today will STILL be going through the barrage of ignorance and nastiness that I went through. I am angry about the lack of research on and funding for AS adult women, and how they are written about as if they are pseudo AS men.

Overall, I have much to be thankful for. The kindness of strangers was a feature of my 20s which I will cherish always.

I survived against the odds as an unprotected infant in a cruel orphanage system, escaped from it, and spent many decades searching for my true place in the world. By my 60s, I knew that place. It was within me and without me and I knew it and could name all its parts at last. That was worth the journey to awareness, painful though it often has been.



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05 Jan 2020, 8:04 pm

The writer expresses more beautifully than I can how wonderful life is after 60. It's not because everything has gone right. It's because now my life is full with all the things given to me in spite of what didn't go right.


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languagehopper
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07 Jan 2020, 2:45 pm

I have been thinking about aging a lot lately. Just as I start to look old I feel I would finally be capable of enjoying being young. But this post points me towards the real gem - being young again isn't necessary for happiness. I have become good at being happy. I know how to appreciate things and manage my mood. I know what not to think about. I know what I like. I don't need to feel hard done by because my youth was swallowed up by misery and blunders. I don't need to relive it. And I don't need to make up for it. This is my life and I am going to make the best of it. Even though I have no financial security and live in a shed I am happier than I have been at any time I can recall. I thought I was young for my age, but perhaps the opposite is true because I am not even sixty yet.


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darkwaver
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11 Jan 2020, 5:13 pm

There are some things I like about getting older. I was never pretty, and when I was young people would make nasty remarks about it everywhere I went. Now that my hair has gone silver they just ignore me, and it feels wonderful - I can go anywhere and not get harassed. It's like the invisibility cloak I always wished I had.
Also, now that I've reached menopause, I'm calmer and much less anxious. I have more wisdom about dealing with life and don't get as hung up on unimportant things. And I appreciate the little joys in life much more.
What I don't like is the physical decline, specifically the vision problems and the constant pain from arthritis.