Do you make eye contact?

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I can't really make eye contact at all. My therapist says I really need to work on it, because when I talk to her, I'm usually staring at the wall, my feet, or my hands. It just feels weird to look at people's eyes. It's like I'm seeing some deep, unknown part of them, and then they're staring into my soul. It's just weird.

If your child has been in school for a while, he/ she may have been receiving RTI (response To Intervention) without your even knowing it. My son was having some problems, and without even talking to me, the regular classroom teacher was doing therapies to try to help. I was furious, because they had userpted my place as a parent, and they kept telling me he had no problems every time I brought it up at a parent teacher conference. The final straw was when they said he would not qualify for any kind of help based on the fact that he was doing fine with just the RTI. The RTI is only used for kids who need help. (figure that out). My point is maybe your child has been taught eye contact skills without your awareness, hence of course he/she can fake it. I'm in my mid 30's and had a 5 hr evaluation and the therapist said "I'm sorry you have a personality disorder." I'm like "ok if that's your professional opinion, I'm going to get another." I looked it up, everything I read said PD is caused by abuse. The only abuse I ever suffered was at the hands of NT's who thought it was fun to pick on the "odd duck". My family loves me, my husband of 11 years loves me, and my 2 kids love me, even though I almost never look them in the eye. I only make eye contact with NT's who expect me to, and even then they only think I am. I usually look at some blemish and have to bite my tongue to keep from pointing it out. I'm still waiting to get that second opinion, but my Mom, who works with AS kids says I have it, my daughter's SLP said I have it, and even a specialist said I have it. The only ones who won't acknowledge it are the state aide people who can actually do something about funding my treatment. I would urge you get a second opinion, treatment won't cure AS but until the NT's are forced to accept us, we have to pretend to fit in, and treatment will help with that. Good luck to both of you.

i don't make eye contact and am not socially fluent. the only way I would consider someone who is as autistic if they were the 'active but odd' type and I'd still find them making eye contact in a normal way highly unusual.

Nonverbal learning disorder?

I don't really look into the eyes, but at the mouth or the side of the neck. It's harder in therapy, where the focus lies on me in sitting face to face, there I have even more difficulties looking into the eyes but I fix on things in the room. I find it hard talking about myself and being in a conversation, where I am the focus of attention and having to try to analyse how I feel. I often end up talking about a special interest.

When I remind myself to do so, and it is one on one, I make eye contact a bit. I do not like the feeling of looking at eyes. There was an exception to this and that was when my babies were just born up to the age of about 2 - maybe it was some kind of bonding thing. Otherwise, definitely not.

I think you should get a second opinion too, I don't trust this doctor who diagnosed 'DD'. How is she now by the way?

I also make eye contact. Though I look away whenever I get the 'chance' and my eyes actually move around a lot to look at objects, or the gesturing hands or the mouth of the person who's talking to me. If I don't pay attention I keep looking at only one eye of the person, or I look at the person sideways from the corner of my eyes.

I have asked my parents how my eye contact was as a child and it wasn't good. If I looked at people it would seem I was looking straight through them or at some other part of the head. During my teens I was pressed a lot by people to make eye contact. After lots of pressing I guess I started doing it.

The doctor who diagnosed me said my eye contact is relatively normal. She still diagnosed me asperger, so this fact alone is not enough to simply dismiss the whole asp dianosis.

This!! Like many of the other people who've posted, so far, I've developed coping methods to be able to look people in the eyes--but, they're mostly not /actually/ looking people in the eye. I look at various spots on their face, over the conversation, if I'm looking at them, at all--usually, I focus on their mouth. I never really thought about how uncomfortable prolonged eye-contact can be for me, until now. I never really analyzed how I felt about the subject--I just did what I needed to do, I guess.

I worry a lot about hurting or upsetting people, even if I don't care about them, mainly because I want so much to fit in and be normal--and I don't feel that I do, not the real me. I've just naturally developed skills to blend in--without even knowing I was doing it! That's a big thing I'm coming to notice about me, too. The more I analyze things I took for granted as being 'normal' or 'typical,' the more I realize that I've been adapting and adjusting for so long that I didn't even know I was doing it--therefore, it seemed normal to me.

So, upon thinking back and considering my past experiences, I can say the following:

Before I was aware that I most likely have AS, I would've said that I had no problem making eye contact--because, I can easily look at someone in the eyes...for brief periods of time. I didn't take into account the fact that prolonged eye contact feels uncomfortable and like there's some sort of pressure on me that makes me feel anxious. And, as I briefly noted above, I'm much like Incendax in that, if I'm angry with or hurt by someone, I find it incredibly difficult to look at their face, let alone their eyes.

When I'm in a conversation with someone, I actually find it easier to be looking at something else, though not something that's particularly interesting or I'll tune the talker out. Like Eve01 said, I look at people in the eye as often as I judge it necessary--or when I think they're expecting it--and let my eyes wander over their face and to places/things in the room around me. If I keep my eyes moving, I tend to be okay.


Yes. It's endlessly possible to teach anyone with AS to better blend in--some of us have been doing it for years and years.

But, seriously, I also vote for the second opinion! I wouldn't be happy until they spent a decent amount of time getting to know the patient in question before they can even begin to make sweeping statements and writing prescriptions.

I almost always make eye contact when talking to people. As a child, however, I almost never made eye contact. Every time my mom would speak to me and I would be looking away from her, she would yell at me and demand I look at her and when I looked at her and then quickly looked away, she would smack me. So, I'm pretty positive had it not been for her constant abuse, I would probably still not display eye contact when talking to people.

See, I was not diagnosed with AS until very recently and I'm turning 32 in a week. A few months ago, my psychologist said I might have it. My psychiatrist agreed with her. I took the first round of official testing a little over a week ago.

I usually look at people's mouths when they talk to me. No one has ever mentioned about this so I think they can't tell if I'm looking at their mouth or eyes. When I'm talking my eyes just move around.

For those who don't make much eye contact, is it because of what you see, or what you don't see?

For me, it's just not natural. If I'm not focusing on making sure I look a specific place, my eyes aren't drawn to other people's eyes. I guess it would be like telling an NT that it's incredibly rude to actually look at the person they're speaking with...trying to respect that culture and fight against your own habits constantly is really distracting. I forget what I'm saying, or miss bits of what the other person is saying...because I'm paying attention to their eyes instead of their words (or mine). And it's harder to pick up on body language and social cues if I'm limiting myself to the eyes, too.

For me, I don't like looking into people's eyes because I don't like people looking at me. If i look at their eyes, I can tell they are looking at me and it feels weird and uncomfortable for me. That's why I always want to look away at something else. So, I usually just tune out their eyes and look at their eyebrows, nose, or the space between the eyebrows.

That's a bit like me, except I have to force myself to look at them for the first few seconds, but after that it gets really tough to do so, and I began to feel physically sick and emotionally drained after doing so.

...Also, does anyone not like talking to an NT shorter or taller than you?
- I severely dislike doing so because every time, it's like you're being forced to make eye contact or move to their eye level, otherwise you look like a complete weirdo; staring over their head or bellow the top half of their face.

See, I really want to go in and see about getting officially diagnosed, but I worry that this is gonna be a big issue for me...because I'm very good at seeming to have normal eye contact. When I was in the group home and had to rote memorize social skills the first step was always usually: Look at the Person. I got really good at doing so because I was always getting into trouble and had to practice it. Honestly though, I usually don't like TALKING to people when I'm looking at them. I always make a point of having a conversation with people at times I won't have to look at them in the face. I do it so naturally that people don't really realize that there is a reason...but I know I have reasons for ALL my actions. I usually talk to people when we're in the car together so I don't have to look at them or when they are sitting on the computer, or we are sitting facing the same direction watching something. In other times I tend to stare at people...I am not so much scared of eyes themselves as I am of looking people in the eye while I'm trying to express something. So when I'm not talking I have a tendency to stare and evaluate the details of how they look. I think eyes are pretty so the various forms fascinate me...I can creep people out that way pretty often. ....However, I worry that when I go in...people are gonna see this well adjusted individual who can talk to people really well...and not see the troubling and difficult events that had to occur for that to present itself.

I'm quite soon going to start the diagnostic process and I too, am afraid of this because I know my struggles and aspie traits; I'm very good at seeming normal on the outface, therefore they might misdiagnose me or completely miss it altogether...what makes it even worse is that my Asperger's manifests itself differently, in the stereotypical way that is shown in most females.

I make good eye contact when I want - that is no fake. Just by few people for unknown reasons (maybe if they are too intrusive, emotional or demanding in some ways) I block off. I have absolutely no issues with making eye contact with people that I know well.