Female Stereotypes

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There seems to be an expectation for women to be super social, stuck to there gfs and eventually get married and have kids. I remember Rudy Simone in Aspergirls says "there is no female lone wolf". I guess this still goes with the fact that women are looked upon as needing to be with people. Even women who are I guess "shyer, not as outgoing with each other" are expected to be cloistered within there gfs. Women who chose to stay single, focus more on career and interests are more likely to be looked down upon. Women are suppose to be more social creatures who are prized for being social.

However us aspie females, dont always have those same interests in having large social networks and all that female social networking stuff. Often times, we have problems finding friends and significant others. Sometimes, we'd rather focus more on our interests and intellectual pursuits.

Whereas if there is a guy who chose's to stay single, focus on his career and intellectual interests, this is more socially acceptable.

Despite how far society thinks there along in womens rights, we arent as far as we think we are. We are still pinned to these stereotypes. Just my observations. Thoughts anyone.

Wrong.

People keep reminding me about it everyday, and never by a positive intention.

Single career women seem to actually be quite fashionable these days, there's a lot more married full time mothers out there that seem to be looked down upon by the career women.

But the social thing is pretty true though, in general females are more social so any less than social females would get picked on quite easily.

Super-successful career women are kind of trendy at the moment. I disagree, though, that all single working females are looked at the same way. The "career women" seem to be acceptable because that's just another pigeonhole we're meant to fit into. Super-driven and too busy for a man? You go, girl. Living a perfectly happy average single life? There must be something wrong with you, and you are to be pitied.
My thoughts are that anything that doesn't fit into the stereotypes gets a similar reaction.

I agree.

Being single only seems to be acceptable if you are very unattractive or have some issues. Otherwise, people see it wrong for a normal healthy looking person to be single/lonewolf, regardless of whether its a man or a woman.

Or perhaps not looked down upon. More like, they are likely be told that they're something missing to there life. Like they need to get married and have kids as well. They should make time available for that with all there career.

Perhaps its the most ideal to have both. Yes women always have to juggle more things then once. Its just that whenever I said I didn't want kids, I always had someone say something against that like I needed that. So marriage, having kids is needed and women need to sacrifice there career somehow for marriage and kids.

10 years ago when I was at University I was getting mostly A grades, but eventually had to leave to care for family members (disabled mother), so I never got to finish my course. It has haunted me for all that time as leaving broke my heart. But as I was a female I was expected to do the caring by my family whilst my brothers (who had no academic ability at all) swanned off and lived their life.

I sometimes wish I had been born with a penis because with grades like that I would have had a career by now and would have taken a more academic route. But because I am female I am expected to cook peoples dinner, wash their socks and throw out babies. It SUCKS big time!! !!

Not that I did not love my mother, I did, its just that I had to give up everything I wanted to care for her whilst other members of my family got to go and live their life

I am no longer needed to care for my family now for various reasons so am now free to pursue my own pathway...finally, so I immediately returned to the thing I love the most in the world...studying. I just started a BSc in the Health Sciences but still I feel there is an expectation of me to just settle down and have kids. I don't want that at this time, I want my academic career because that is where my heart lies. It is one of my passions along side my passion for art. I do enjoy being in love but I don't enjoy playing housewife to a man who should be able to look after himself.

Sometimes being female is naff. Boys always did get all the best toys, even when I was growing up!

(My parents kept buying me dolls and errr, I had no interest in them lol)

Thing is if I say to people I don't want a relationship right now they seem to think there is something wrong with me. Apparently doing someone's washing is supposed to be my life ambition or something. Christ!

Its very kind of you to care for your mother.

I don't think its always a gender issue. I have a friend who takes care of his ill mother, while his sister has not really helped at all. Although, women are still often expected to fill traditional roles, the world has changed quite a bit. There are man out there that will share the burden, maybe just less common.

I think its possible to have time for a personal life, while pursuing your career. Its very challenging though.

Last edited by Vomelche on 22 Nov 2011, 11:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's still a man's world. Women's rights have improved but it is still not perfectly equal.
. Yes,It's true that the idea of a working woman has become more acceptable but Society still expects us to to get married and have kids.
Working women are not looked down on by society but still expected to raise a family.
The truth is all men are at least a tiny bit sexist deep down in side no matter what they say.
Men complain about feminism without even knowing the meaning. Feminism just means the equality of women and men.
I personally don't want to have kids. They make me uncomfortable.

I think that regarding the social media expectation mentioned above, it's been both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that it makes life easier for Aspies to find friends online and chat without having to use something restrictive like the phone. However, the curse is that I've had people shocked when I say I don't send 100+ texts a day to friends and such. You're still expected to be available socially, if not more so, now because of things like Facebook. I think I've lost potential friends because of not having Facebook. It's ... frustrating, because I don't want to know the intimate details of everyone's life. Lesigh.

I'm a guy, and an AS guy at that, so I have to ask: where's this expectation coming from? Is there a law somewhere...will the femme police come and fine you if you're pretty and single, or aren't producing babies like gumball machines at age 30?

If there isn't, why do you care?

I'm not being sarcastic, this is a genuine inquiry. From this side of the gender fence: men tend not to have symmetric pigeonholes and labels cos we're too dumb to think of such abstract stuff. among guys, introverts are introverts, social types are social types. Neither is viewed as an intrinsically more desirable social state than the other.

I was asked once, by a woman, about helping people, as if that's what I was supposed to be doing. My answer was no. So it was pressed further what if someone really needed help. I still said no, because I need to concentrate on getting my own things done without borrowing the troubles of others.

This woman was stunned and flustered. Why is it assumed that if someone is female then they'll be willing to put everything down and help someone, or choose helping as a career, or be a helpmeet for the males in their lives?

I guess Rudy Simone was wrong then...

Society doesnt accept female lone wolves? Damn what shall we do?

In some circles you are seen as abnormal. Also in all the relationships I ever tried to have I was expected to 'play housewife' even if I worked. Housework was considered to be 'women's work' by the men I dated, that's pretty much why those relationships came to an end.

Despite my grade average academically, by my partners I was expected to give up pursuing academics in favour of washing their socks, cooking their dinner and throwing out babies.

I still often think that if I had been born with a penis I would have been harried into an academic career with my grades rather than expected to go quietly home and make house instead.

In my family, I was also pretty much left to care for my mother on my own mostly because I was the girl and it was seen as my job to care for her whilst my brothers, who have no academic ability whatsoever (I am the only one with that kind of ability in my family so I would swear they got me mixed up at the hospital when I was born and gave me to the wrong parents or something lol), were left to go and live their lives.

Perhaps I have just been unlucky! But it sucks.

Even now I no longer have to care for my mum, people expect me to have a partner and be settled into making house. Bugger that, I have just started a new degree instead lol.

I had little choice really as I could not leave her to fend for herself, she needed assistance. But the general line of thinking in my family was that I was the girl and therefore it was my responsibility.

I loved my mother but I gave up many years of my life, suffered from horrible depression because of it, and am now stuck on disability because my mental health deteriorated as a result. I was very unhappy in my life as I always wanted a career and with my grade average I could have had one. Because I suffered from depression and have been on disability for it (along side severe social anxiety) I am now worried that employers will not give me a chance. People seem to think my depression was just a defect and that it came from nowhere, when in actual fact, I was just painfully unhappy for many years because I lost everything I wanted in my life to care for other people.

Don't get me wrong I cared about them, but I gave up a lot and lost out on most of my twenties and thirties. I am now nearly 40 and trying to get a career started but it won't be easy at my age. Especially as I still have to get my degree due to my having given it up to care for my family. I just hope I have not missed my chance to find what I wanted from life.

For those reasons I am considering self employment but I will have to see how it goes.

I am hoping that in my 40's I can finally have the life I want instead of the life that everyone else thinks I should be leading.

Difficult situations like that are terrible.... caring for your mother when she needed you was a good thing, but, being left alone to do it was not, and being forced to give up who you were and all your dreams as a result, was not.

A friend's sister did so much for her kids that she neglected her own health, got a severe systemic infection and nearly died. It helped no one that she neglected herself taking care of others to the point it nearly killed her.

Though it might seem it, I'm not without a heart. I'll drop what I'm doing for family and friends if they're in need, but being nurturing isn't hardwired into me. Thankfully, most people realize this.