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The-Raven
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09 Dec 2011, 3:45 pm

has anyone here chosen celibacy as part of spiritual development?

if so, have you found it helped your spiritual and personal growth?

do you feel more fulfilled, at peace or happy?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celibacy



peaceloveerin
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09 Dec 2011, 4:18 pm

IDK if I'm celibate or just asexual.



DemonAbyss10
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09 Dec 2011, 5:43 pm

peaceloveerin wrote:
IDK if I'm celibate or just asexual.


They aren't the same.

Celibate is the active, purpose-made decision that you feel will help yoiu better yourself in some way (IE: To keep distractions away from living how you think you should, stuff like that.). Asexuality is just more or less determined while you are physically developing, IE more like sexual orientation.


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hurtloam
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09 Dec 2011, 6:19 pm

Interesting wikipedia link btw.

I am intrigued by the idea of celibacy. I have heard of people chosing to focus on their spirituality however, I never entirely believed them. One of these people recently had a baby, so I reckon she didn't stick with it. I assumed they were asexual or just couldn't find the right person to settle down with and were putting a positive spin on things.

This makes me think though. I am not in a relationship, so basically celibate. Its not through choice. If I found someone I would not be against a romance. But this makes me think about how im wasting my time moping about when I could view my not in a relationship status as freedom to persue a more active role in my church.

The problem is I suffer from alot of social anxiety and I think about volunteering for things, but I never do it. I imagine I would be more active if I was in a relationship and had a partner to encourage me.

I would ideally like a man who is interested in spiritual things so that we could bounce ideas off each other and discuss things. It's kind of boring investigating spiritual topics by myself. I met a man once who I did have deep conversations with like that and I was head over heels



mv
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09 Dec 2011, 8:15 pm

I feel as though my celibacy is a punishment, like I'm Tantalus. My crime is just not being able to connect to people, even though there's nothing "wrong" with them. I simply cannot stop myself from analyzing people (interacting with them like subjects instead of just like-creatures) long enough to develop some intimacy and trust. It's a shame, because I LOVE sex (or I used to, it's been a long time and they may have changed it all around by now). :wink:

I so wish I could have sex without feelings (or, more specifically, that I could have sex without it making me like people who don't deserve it), I would have such freedom, then. Whenever I've had sex with someone I don't know well or ultimately don't respect, it sets my emotional comfort/development back many years. So, I remain celibate.



peaceloveerin
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09 Dec 2011, 10:15 pm

DemonAbyss10 wrote:
peaceloveerin wrote:
IDK if I'm celibate or just asexual.


They aren't the same.

Celibate is the active, purpose-made decision that you feel will help yoiu better yourself in some way (IE: To keep distractions away from living how you think you should, stuff like that.). Asexuality is just more or less determined while you are physically developing, IE more like sexual orientation.

Well, in that case, I guess I'm very much asexual!



The-Raven
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10 Dec 2011, 3:41 am

hurtloam wrote:
Interesting wikipedia link btw.

I am intrigued by the idea of celibacy. I have heard of people chosing to focus on their spirituality however, I never entirely believed them. One of these people recently had a baby, so I reckon she didn't stick with it. I assumed they were asexual or just couldn't find the right person to settle down with and were putting a positive spin on things.

This makes me think though. I am not in a relationship, so basically celibate. Its not through choice. If I found someone I would not be against a romance. But this makes me think about how im wasting my time moping about when I could view my not in a relationship status as freedom to persue a more active role in my church.

The problem is I suffer from alot of social anxiety and I think about volunteering for things, but I never do it. I imagine I would be more active if I was in a relationship and had a partner to encourage me.

I would ideally like a man who is interested in spiritual things so that we could bounce ideas off each other and discuss things. It's kind of boring investigating spiritual topics by myself. I met a man once who I did have deep conversations with like that and I was head over heels

when Ive been in a relationship, it has taken all my time and emotional energy and I did not have anything left for anything else so I think it may be a mistake to think you will do more in a relationship, but everyone is different.



The-Raven
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10 Dec 2011, 3:50 am

mv wrote:
I feel as though my celibacy is a punishment, like I'm Tantalus. My crime is just not being able to connect to people, even though there's nothing "wrong" with them. I simply cannot stop myself from analyzing people (interacting with them like subjects instead of just like-creatures) long enough to develop some intimacy and trust. It's a shame, because I LOVE sex (or I used to, it's been a long time and they may have changed it all around by now). :wink:

I so wish I could have sex without feelings (or, more specifically, that I could have sex without it making me like people who don't deserve it), I would have such freedom, then. Whenever I've had sex with someone I don't know well or ultimately don't respect, it sets my emotional comfort/development back many years. So, I remain celibate.

I have the same problem as you about sex and it always leads to pain and heart break, I very weary of making that mistake again.

I have great difficulty connecting with people even on a social level let alone in a relationship, I have too many things which set me apart from people. Also I find it very hard to judge peoples character and so end up in negative situations, I get very bonded to people in sex and have trouble letting them go.

I think by choosing celibacy I can let go of a lot of worries (can I be loved? am I too damaged etc) and let go of trying hard to stay young and look attractive (which wastes so much energy and is a weight and a pressure) and I can just focus on doing good and being at peace.

I decided years ago that I wouldnt learn to drive and when I did that I felt such a release and just stopped 'beating myself up' about not driving and was able to view myself as someone who just didnt do that, someone who followed a different path on that count. I think choosing celibacy will have a similar releasing effect an enable me to be a happier and better person.



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10 Dec 2011, 5:19 am

I'm celibate, and still a virgin because of it. I choose to be celibate for both religious and personal reasons. I think that if I ever lost my virginity, then my self-esteem would be even worse than it already is (if that's even possible), because I would feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about everything, whether I have a reason to or not. Not to mention the fact that I'm a huge hypochondriac and I'd keep going in for STD screenings and AIDS and pregnancy tests. I'd work myself into a frenzy.



The-Raven
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10 Dec 2011, 5:37 am

IdahoRose wrote:
I'm celibate, and still a virgin because of it. I choose to be celibate for both religious and personal reasons. I think that if I ever lost my virginity, then my self-esteem would be even worse than it already is (if that's even possible), because I would feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about everything, whether I have a reason to or not. Not to mention the fact that I'm a huge hypochondriac and I'd keep going in for STD screenings and AIDS and pregnancy tests. I'd work myself into a frenzy.

I know what you mean, I felt so bad (and still do in a lot of ways) for having sex when I was a teenager/young adult. I too was very hypochondriacal and have had repeated std screenings (often without having had sex between times, worrying they might have missed something) and made myself very unhappy with worry. I still feel guilty now in my 30s for having sex and I can honestly say Ive not had a sexual experience that i have not later regretted. I think being an aspie makes it particularly hard to let go of the negative messages about sex we were told as children. I wish I did not have a sexuality.



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10 Dec 2011, 6:02 am

The-Raven wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Interesting wikipedia link btw.

I am intrigued by the idea of celibacy. I have heard of people chosing to focus on their spirituality however, I never entirely believed them. One of these people recently had a baby, so I reckon she didn't stick with it. I assumed they were asexual or just couldn't find the right person to settle down with and were putting a positive spin on things.

This makes me think though. I am not in a relationship, so basically celibate. Its not through choice. If I found someone I would not be against a romance. But this makes me think about how im wasting my time moping about when I could view my not in a relationship status as freedom to persue a more active role in my church.

The problem is I suffer from alot of social anxiety and I think about volunteering for things, but I never do it. I imagine I would be more active if I was in a relationship and had a partner to encourage me.

I would ideally like a man who is interested in spiritual things so that we could bounce ideas off each other and discuss things. It's kind of boring investigating spiritual topics by myself. I met a man once who I did have deep conversations with like that and I was head over heels

when Ive been in a relationship, it has taken all my time and emotional energy and I did not have anything left for anything else so I think it may be a mistake to think you will do more in a relationship, but everyone is different.


Hmmm, I think that is a good point. Still, I would quiet like to be in a relationship and find out how it would affect me.



hurtloam
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10 Dec 2011, 6:21 am

The-Raven wrote:
IdahoRose wrote:
I'm celibate, and still a virgin because of it. I choose to be celibate for both religious and personal reasons. I think that if I ever lost my virginity, then my self-esteem would be even worse than it already is (if that's even possible), because I would feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about everything, whether I have a reason to or not. Not to mention the fact that I'm a huge hypochondriac and I'd keep going in for STD screenings and AIDS and pregnancy tests. I'd work myself into a frenzy.

I know what you mean, I felt so bad (and still do in a lot of ways) for having sex when I was a teenager/young adult. I too was very hypochondriacal and have had repeated std screenings (often without having had sex between times, worrying they might have missed something) and made myself very unhappy with worry. I still feel guilty now in my 30s for having sex and I can honestly say Ive not had a sexual experience that i have not later regretted. I think being an aspie makes it particularly hard to let go of the negative messages about sex we were told as children. I wish I did not have a sexuality.


I've stuck with celibacy for religious reasons, not believing in sex before marriage, but a major reason that I have stuck to it maybe less to do with faith and more because I can't be doing with the hassle of going for std checks or hpv tests etc. I don't need to worry about contraception or adverse side effects of taking the pill. I've never met a guy i've loved enough to do all that stuff for.

The past is the past though. Sometimes we look back on things we wish we hadn't done, but no good can come of beating yourself up about it. It's done now. We all live with memories of things we regret, but it is part of growing and becoming who we are today.

I don't think we are meant to view sexuality as a burden. It's meant to be agood thing otherwise we wouldn't feel it. It's just more difficult for a troubled emotionally immature person like me to make a connection with a man who I can love and respect enough to want to marry, or who wants to marry me. I think sexuality becomes more difficult to handle when faced with communication and relationship difficultues that autism brings.

I dunno, i'm rambling now.



The-Raven
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10 Dec 2011, 6:45 am

hurtloam wrote:
The-Raven wrote:
IdahoRose wrote:
I'm celibate, and still a virgin because of it. I choose to be celibate for both religious and personal reasons. I think that if I ever lost my virginity, then my self-esteem would be even worse than it already is (if that's even possible), because I would feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about everything, whether I have a reason to or not. Not to mention the fact that I'm a huge hypochondriac and I'd keep going in for STD screenings and AIDS and pregnancy tests. I'd work myself into a frenzy.

I know what you mean, I felt so bad (and still do in a lot of ways) for having sex when I was a teenager/young adult. I too was very hypochondriacal and have had repeated std screenings (often without having had sex between times, worrying they might have missed something) and made myself very unhappy with worry. I still feel guilty now in my 30s for having sex and I can honestly say Ive not had a sexual experience that i have not later regretted. I think being an aspie makes it particularly hard to let go of the negative messages about sex we were told as children. I wish I did not have a sexuality.


I've stuck with celibacy for religious reasons, not believing in sex before marriage, but a major reason that I have stuck to it maybe less to do with faith and more because I can't be doing with the hassle of going for std checks or hpv tests etc. I don't need to worry about contraception or adverse side effects of taking the pill. I've never met a guy i've loved enough to do all that stuff for.

The past is the past though. Sometimes we look back on things we wish we hadn't done, but no good can come of beating yourself up about it. It's done now. We all live with memories of things we regret, but it is part of growing and becoming who we are today.

I don't think we are meant to view sexuality as a burden. It's meant to be agood thing otherwise we wouldn't feel it. It's just more difficult for a troubled emotionally immature person like me to make a connection with a man who I can love and respect enough to want to marry, or who wants to marry me. I think sexuality becomes more difficult to handle when faced with communication and relationship difficultues that autism brings.

I dunno, i'm rambling now.

I agree completely.