That biological clock business

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This is really a question for older women.

Has anyone experienced their "biological clock ticking" and if so, what was it like for you?

I've always be pretty dismissive of the whole "biological clock" myth, but I'm going through something that's made me rethink that. I'm 35 1/2 years old, and literally one day about two weeks I was reading an interview with an actor I like, where he was talking about his daughter, and it was like switch was flipped or something. And ever since, I've been obsessive about wanting to get pregnant.

Now I'm sure for any normal woman, this wouldn't be as weird as it is for me. I'm not normal. I don't want to get married - I don't even want to be in a relationship with a man (and haven't for 10 years). The foremost reason from not wanting a relationship: every man I've been with longer than 3 days has wanted to get me pregnant and I'm just plain sick of guys treating me like a brood mare. I've never wanted to have kids, in any serious way. I certainly never felt any kind of physio-hormonal urge to get pregnant or have kids. I don't even like babies. I don't like being around them, smelling them, hearing them, touching them. I like kids, but not babies. I'm even tocophobic, and have been ever since I accidently got pregnant at 21 and had to have an abortion when that pregnancy went very wrong.

I've been pretty comfortable about my childless status, and had been looking forward gracefully to menopause or a hysterectomy, which ever came first. But now I'm just confused. Is this that "biological clock" thing people talk about? Do I really want a baby? Or is this just hormones? If it's just hormones, will it pass? Soon? Please? Or am I going to be like this until I do hit menopause?

What is making this so difficult is that I'm not in a place in ym life where I could even consider the possibilty of getting pregnanat and raising a kid. I would never want a kid if I couldn't give him or her a better childhood than I had, and I don't see have that could ever happen for me in this lifetime, or at least while I'm still fertile. So if this is really more about some genuine desire I have that I've just been suppressing, and now after all my working on getting healthier and happier, has bubbled up to the surface, then the prospects are grim.

If it's just hormone's, fine. I know eventually it'll pass, and I'll stop having crying spells and having dreams about little children calling me Mommy, and I'll resume my childless happiness. But if it's actually something I really do want this on some level, then it looks like I'm going to have to accept yet more disappointment in my life. Granted, I've had an awful lot of practice at accepting disappointment. But this feels different, and that's what really scaring me.

It's hormones. I already have 3 kids and absolutely don't want any more. But every time I ovulate, I think but oh, wouldn't a sweet little newborn baby to nurse be the nicest thing ever? Would it be so bad to try one more time for a girl? (We have 3 boys) Then I ovulate and I come to my senses.

So your body is trying to trick you?

Mitch - I don't mean to be rude, but I posted this here because I am genuinely going through a difficult time and I only want other women who have experienced something like this to respond. I'm very aware of AS men's "curiousity" about women, but it can be intrusive and inappropriate at times, and this would be one of those times. Please show a little sensitivity and start another thread yourself if there's anything you want to discuss. Thank you.

Wendy - I really am hoping this what it is. I just ovulated two days ago, and it seemed to peak last night. I had a bad crying spell late last night, and still am a bit shaky right now. But at least I feel a little less "nuts." The weird thing is I don't think I could even concieve at this point. I'm getting older and I have PCOS. It seems like such a fruitless endeavor for my body to put me through this - well, life's anything but fair, right?

I'm dreading the idea that this could be monthly. Have you found anything that helps lessen the intensity of it? Like exercise, diet, birth control? I'm a teacher, so I work with kids, and I can't be an emotional wreck at work like this on a regular basis.

I have never understood the need to breed.I just dont have the "urge" and am now 43,past common sense age to breed.I dont regret my decision.Perhaps it is your realization that it is a decision you cant undo?Many decisions we can undo if we rethink it but this is one with a time limit.The closest I cam to thinking "maybe" was when I was in a relationship and wanted to have a "piece" of the person I was in love with because I knew the relationship was going to end some day(they all do).

I do think your biology is over riding your logic....we have some very strong biological with a "will of it's own" to survive.I do have a much stronger sex drive when I am ovulating,which is basically the same thing....my genes want to survive.I dont want to be a prisoner to my genes or biology...I say, NO.
I think that if the urge to be around children ever grows to strong(hasnt yet),I could get into childcare.There are plenty of children who need humans love and time and compassion...they dont have to come out of my body to deserve that.I would still rather spend my time in a room full of kittens then human babies....call me a freak(everybody else does,LOL).

Also, another thought I had was that if you think you really would like to raise a child, and think you could do a decent job (NOBODY is perfect at parenting, so don't let that stop you), but don't like the idea of a baby who depends on you for EVERYTHING (and it can be draining), you could consider adopting an older child. Older children are much less likely to be adopted, so there are always poor kids who need homes. I think if I still have the urge when my kids are a little older and I am more able to deal w/ another child, I might consider adoption. I am definitely not having anymore kids that are my own biologically. Even though I do enjoy pregnancy and breastfeeding and all that, it is too much for me to handle some days, and I don't think I could handle it on top of caring for the 3 boys I already have. An older child is less work, at least less work in that they don't need to be in constant physical contact with you all the time like babies do. That's the part that I find the hardest. I do enjoy doing things, like baking, going on walks, and going to the quieter local park with my kids. I think I am an excellent mom for the most part, and I swore up and down that I was never having kids when I was a child and teenager.

As an adopted person,I couldnt agree more with the above.Many of the reasons that a family breaks up are unresolved issues with addiction and abuse.I am not sure what part of my personality was do to genetics(AS,depression,addiction)and what was caused with being moved around in foster-care and the trauma of losing my family,and part was caused by a "bad fit" with my adopted family.I was adopted at 5 and kicked out at 16 because I was causing my mother a "nervous breakdown".You sound like a loving and compassionate person but there are some very "challenging" kids out there,my mom learned the hard way.

Yes, definitely, I didn't mean to imply that adopting an older child would be easy. But it really does depend on the child and the parent. Not all older children who are up for adoption have been abused and bounced around in the system. Many are kids w/ special needs that no one wants b/c they don't want to deal w/ those needs. I wouldn't mind having a child w/ Down's or some sort of physical deformity. Someone needs to love these kids. I've actually very much enjoyed working w/ ret*d kids and kids w/ Down's when I've volunteered in the past. And like I said, only if you think that you would LIKE to do it, should you consider it. It's definitely not for everyone. I'm very sleep deprived lately. I should stop posting on the internet, I keep leaving out whole sentences and trains of thought.

Back to topic. Growing up, and through my early 20s, I wanted nothing to do with kids. Then, around age 25, I started wanting to be a parent. It wasn't until I was in my early 30s that I married, and we decided to wait 3 years before trying to conceive. By that time, I was 35, and rather obsessed with becoming a mom.

It took 2 years before I successful conceived, but once that happened, I had a very good pregnancy and at 39 weeks, gave birth to a normal, healthy, 8 pound baby girl. The baby is now 12 and is completely NT; she is even popular. Raising her is fascinating, seeing how the other half lives. I love her to pieces, and although we sometimes fight (she is 12, after all), she loves me too. It is a lot of work, however.

Having one child is a good number for me. I get to be a parent, but I'm not completely overwhelmed.

Hi Cade,

I don't seem to have one of them clocks....have nevr had the slightest inkling of desire for a child. I'm 37, and married to a man 13 years older than me and hes not keen on children either.

I do like children tho, but am not one of those adults that all kids instantly love, but have a couple of little friends: one who I suspect may be aspie.

I just seem to have no maternal instinct. ...except I get real soft and mushy over kittens. I was seriously into cats as a child, (errrm, still am!) and have a burmese that I dote on.

Anyways, what I'm getting round to, maybe be your desire for a child is an aspect of your self expressing a desire to nurture, or be nurtured? Or a desire to create? I read recently too, that dreaming of babies, being pregnant and giving birth relates to new ideas, new starts, creativity - 'birthing ideas'.

Ebird

My biological clock has been raging since I was 18 years old . I honestly have no idea why I want/ed children so badly, especially given that I had such an awful childhood, and I am not a very touchy-feely kind of person, and I need a lot of privacy!

Cade, I know what you are talking about, with the switch. It is like you temporarily go insane (or more insane) until you get pregnant and have the baby...

I'm 34 and have 2 children, 5 and 8, and have wanted another baby for 3 years. My husband has denied me this even though he told me we could try 7 times. I realize that there is a greater chance of birth defects after 35 which is why I've wanted to have another baby before then. I'll be 35 in May. This is one of the reasons why I want a divorce. I can never forgive him for denying me this one thing. I have never asked him for anything but another baby. I'm a really great mother (sorry to brag) and love my kids more than anything. We have enough money and he's even told me he wants another baby. I don't understand why he won't let me.

I get the switch idea. I think my biological clock started when I was about 17. Before then the idea of actually having... a thing... inside of me just creeped me out. And I didn't want kids at all until after I met my husband. But I would get these occasional urges... Now I like kids. Don't get me wrong, I was never anti-kid. I just had prefered the ideas of other people's children. I worked as a babysitter and tutor and personal aid and so forth. I want to be a school librarian. Now that I am married I am at the point where I want one, maybe two kids, but not yet. We are newlyweds. Its needs to wait for a couple of years- I know I am not at all ready yet. But still sometimes I feel that biological switch or pull... its hard to explain. Its only gotten worse since I have gotten married- like some part of me knows that now is supposed to be breeding time I guess. I will think rationally, well yes there are a lot of issues for us (I have health problems) and when we are ready to have kids or maybe in about a year we can see soemone and start to think about those. But then I go a little crazy sometimes- I think it might relate to my cycle- and I start doing internet searches about nursery furniture and prenatal statisticcs and thinking about dominant and recessive traits. Its at those times that I want a baby- even though I don't really want one. Not now. Now I want a gin and tonic...

I think my clock was broke at the factory.

Actually I was told I would probably never have a child...and I accepted that fact without much though, got married and one day...well...oops someone didn't know what THEY were talking about.

I love my son very much, but I had a bad pregnancy and I had my tubes tied months later. I was told a million times "you'll regret it", "you shouldn't do it"...but it's been almost 8 years now and I'm looking 40 between the eyes now and I've never even had a "twinge". Babies are cute...but alot of work.

Yes, I understand the 'ticking clock' thing. It happened to me when I was around your age. My sister and friends were having or already had kids and I went through a couple of strange years with raging hormones and the question kids or not kids on my mind a lot. I decided against it, for several reasons, one being that I had a terrible relationship with my mother and didn't want to screw up my own kids, another being that there was no man in my life at that time who I'd have wanted to have kids with. When I did meet my husband I was 38 and he is a little older than me, with two teenage kids of his own so I got a kind of 'part time' family, which worked out well.

Looking back, I don't regret not having kids of my own, I don't think my mothering instincts were that strong in the first place. I'm sometimes curious to know what they'd have been like if I had had kids, and if I'm honest, when I see my sister and the great relationship she has with her daughter, I wonder if I missed out, but that's life I guess. I do wonder, but I don't brood about it if you know what I mean.