i don't think i am good for a relationship

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chazz
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08 Oct 2012, 1:55 pm

i don't think i am good in a relationship..i have mood swings so often that i can easily hurt anybody..is it the same with all of you?

You know i always thought i wasn't the problem it was people..but recently after this guy has been continuously good to me..i realized it's me who always wants something new and different, i am just not happy with a single person for i start seeing every detail of the person and then start getting annoyed and start acting weirdly with them...and then i have a phase change and start missing the same person again!!

What should i do?? How do i control this behaviour, and i am so uncertain about people..what should i do about that?



SilkySifaka
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08 Oct 2012, 4:15 pm

I am not very good in relationships. If I had known earlier about Aspergers (that my feelings about wanting to be alone were valid and were not going to change) then I wouldn't have pursued a relationship. As it is I am in one, but it is a struggle. I am not unkind to my partner but I'm often withdrawn, or stressed and I spend a lot of time wailing 'I just need some space!'.

I'm not sure what you can do to fix it. I have tried to be more accepting of my partners traits (he is only human, after all) and have tried to be more self-aware and realise that I too am very difficult and that I am sure he is doing his best. I've also realised after years of experience that the grass always looks greener (i.e if you are single then you want to be in a relationship and if you are in a relationship then you wish you were single) but that isn't always true.

No relationship is perfect, and no people are perfect. You just have to find someone that you can live with, even though that is not always easy.



chazz
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09 Oct 2012, 2:37 am

yah..you are right..like when i told him i want to be be in a relationship with him i got so scared that i wanted to step back almost immediately...and today when i told him i want to step back i again feel so much more in love with hm..partly because instead of being all mad he was more understanding of it!!



Sarah81
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09 Oct 2012, 5:26 am

Nobody is good in relationships. They are hard work. Decide whether the other person is worth it.



y-pod
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10 Oct 2012, 3:42 am

Are you sure he's the right type of guy for you? It's possible for guys to be too nice you know. That's not healthy for relationship either. If you have always been like that and have OK relationship with your family and some friends, the problem might not be your personality.

If you suspect you might have a personality disorder there are various ways to deal with that. I heard CBT works really well for personality disorders.


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BanjoGirl
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10 Oct 2012, 7:07 am

I never had one but I recognize I can't connect with all those mating rituals. I'm more spontaneous, so when they try to carry out the traditional date, I feel out of context. My best moments with men are situations that are not dates.


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BanjoGirl
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10 Oct 2012, 8:37 am

chazz wrote:
yah..you are right..like when i told him i want to be be in a relationship with him i got so scared that i wanted to step back almost immediately...and today when i told him i want to step back i again feel so much more in love with hm..partly because instead of being all mad he was more understanding of it!!


Maybe you only need a bit of "training" to get used to the new situation. It seems he is ok with your dynamic. Time will tell.


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chazz
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11 Oct 2012, 3:05 am

y-pod wrote:
Are you sure he's the right type of guy for you? It's possible for guys to be too nice you know. That's not healthy for relationship either. If you have always been like that and have OK relationship with your family and some friends, the problem might not be your personality.

If you suspect you might have a personality disorder there are various ways to deal with that. I heard CBT works really well for personality disorders.


honestly i do feel like i want a guy like him..who is so patient with me despite what i do..
I have never been very outspoken and at best i am just acting when i am all outgoing etc..so with my family and friends i feel like i've learnt so well that i just act almost everytime..but its different with him!

Anyways..maybe i should check if i have a personality disorder or is just asperger that is innterfering



chazz
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11 Oct 2012, 3:08 am

BanjoGirl wrote:
chazz wrote:
yah..you are right..like when i told him i want to be be in a relationship with him i got so scared that i wanted to step back almost immediately...and today when i told him i want to step back i again feel so much more in love with hm..partly because instead of being all mad he was more understanding of it!!


Maybe you only need a bit of "training" to get used to the new situation. It seems he is ok with your dynamic. Time will tell.


yeah maybe...actually he's so nice that i really feel like i want to be with him..maybe its just a phase!

I feel like i work in these phases where i am in love with him in one phase and not in another!!

It's just a little frustrating..i just hope i won't scare him away